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Granted and granted… (I just hate it so much as well)

I wish I could play xcom

Granted. It gives you the blue screen of death when you attempt to run it.

I wish for water.

Granted… it's salt water!
I wish for all (with emphasis on ALL) life as we know it to evolve a few decades worth.

we all evolve backwards few decades worth
thanks nothing

i wish i had a baby murloc

Granted but then your wow account gets hacked by a 13 year old and makes your main character look all gay and itemless.

I wish i could get some vacations.

it turns out you can
if you where a human

i wish boobs didn't exist

Granted. Babies can't breastfeed anymore.

I wish I had a Reece's Peanut Butter Cup.

It was poisoned. You eat it and die.

I wish for a pie

you get a pinkie meat pony pie

i wish the roof was on fire

It Kills everyone under it.
I wish for the drawing of the letter f

Granded but it draws the F word.

I wish Dac was a bender.

Granted, he loses it to Amon.


Dac loses bending, shocked silence
…

I wish for a joke from a Last Airbender character.

______________________________________________________
I wish for the ultimate weapon

Granted. But every time you wish to use the weapon, it requires the sacrifice of one person that you care about.

I wish for a lifetime supply of beer.

You get alcohol poisoning on your first sip

I wish to get straight As

Everyone is jealous of your success and they kill you for it…
I wish I knew how to properly use the Source Filmmaker

Granted. Your computer explodes and you lose all of your work.

I wish for a plateful of pizza pockets.

they are rotten

i wish.. i had a bullet made of pure silver

Granted. However, it doesn't kill werewolfs. It kills THEREWOLFS!

I wish for a ham.

Granted, but it's undercooked and you die from food poisoning
I wish for an anime character

Anime character is a young girl, due to the rules of hentai/anime; she is violently raped in front of you by an octopus. You become scarred for life.
I wish for a small island nation off the coast of Egypt.

you get you very own

i wish i was from space

granted but from space jam. and you are him now:

I wish I was lunching right now

Granted. Your lunch is poisoned.

I wish for a new robotic army which is immune to self-destruction so I can TAKE OVER THE WORLD!

your army turn against you
POWER TO THE WORKERS!

i wish i could read minds

You read the wrong person's mind and get scarred for life by what you see in it.

I wish I found Manaphy.

You found a diglet
I wish for free toast

Granted but they are burnt

I wish, I was less sleepy

Granted but now you've got insomnia.

I wish for the ability to fly.

Granted, you get miniature wings that can only carry you a few inches off the ground.
I wish for shillings to exist more!

Granted, but they're illegal to own.

I wish for YTP.

Granted, but it's a poorly made one made by a 10 year old in Windows Movie Maker and they just spam overused jokes.

I wish I had a crossbow

granted but you end up shooting yourself in the knee with a bolt

i wish everybody would dance … forever!

Granted but everyone eventually dies of exhaustion. Also, everyone has no rhythm.

I wish for a hat.

You get the YesDear 5000.

I wish I hadn't read some stupid slash fic that I accidentally read.