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Granted. The paw was carrying influenza.

I wish for the cure to cancer.

Granted, but the cure is to die.

I wish for moar Sonic games

Granted. They're worse than Sonic '06.

I wish for an endless supply of pizza.

…How did I know that would be the response?

Anyway, granted, but you have to provide said supply. TO THE WORLD.

I wish that 413, 612 and 1025 would have greater significance.

They get greater significance… in a bad fanfic.

I wish I was a little bit taller

Granted. The whole world grows a little larger as well.

I wish I could be Spider-Man for a day.

granted to the part where doc ock controls him
i wish for an dragon

It incinerates you with a fireball.

I wish my dreams could come to life.

freddy kruger hunts you down
i wish for cobra commander

Granted, he goes AWOL and kills everyone.

I wish for an ice cream sundae.

Granted, it's one hell of a delicious sundae, probably the best you ever ate in your whole life. Such a tasty ice cream slowly penetrates in your body…But then…

I wish twihards could all go togheter to the highest part of their respective houses, find a sharp object and jump there.

Granted. They miss.

I wish I could eat infinite sweets with out any negative side effects.

Granted, but Fast Food's negative effects are doubled.
I wish I had the Goldeneye keys.

granted but they open the crate to the worst gun in gaming history
i wish for genies

Granted.

I wish I lived in G4 Ponyville.

SURE oh did you say moon
i wish for the entire cobra army

Granted, but they're your enemies.
I wish I had a delicious BONK drink.

granted with an chance of spy
I wish for gi joe

Granted. You get the action figure.

I wish for an Italian restaurant.

You get the restaurant, but not the food.
I wish for a companion cube plushie.

Granted. GLaDOS forces you to burn it in the incerator.
I wish for cotton candy.

Granted. But it has diabetes.
I wish for Nyan Cat to visit earth.

Granted. Unfortunately you missed him flying by because he was too fast.

I wish for the funniest yo mama joke ever.

Granted. It's really funny, but it's so offensive that you KNOW if you would ever tell that joke to anyone, even a racist dude, he would be offended. Therefore, you will never mention that joke.
I wish it was snowing outside.

Granted but is pee snow.

I wish I had driver's licence.

Granted, but it's fake.
I wish Cthulhu was my best friend.

You are his best friend because your human flesh flavor
I wish I can open all the TF2 boxes without keys

Granted, but you need to pay for what you find inside.
I wish I knew how to get the Sandvich for Heavy.

Granted. But you need to go to the store to buy things to make a sandwich for Heavy.

I wish to be surrounded by beautiful women.

Granted. You're blind.
I wish I had a sentry.

GRANTED OH AN ROGUE AI SENTRY
I WISH THAT EVIL LYN IS MY FRIEND CAUSE SHE'S FOREVER ALONE IN SKELETOR'S HORDE

Granted, but you're only friends in Facebook.
I wish I knew how to eat a snake.

bobo
i wish cobra commander will stop terriorism

Granted, it's by killing everyone.
I wish for a bottomless jar of pickles.

Granted. The jar has no bottom on it, so the pickles fall out.
I wish I had a bunch of gun's.

They're all water guns
I wish that my ipod had unlimited memory

Granted, but the battery power goes down faster.
I wish I had the best PC in the world.

You have a Mac
I wish a weapon with unlimited ammo

Granted, but it only exists in your mind.
I wish people didn't leave gum under the tables.

Granted, they now leave it on chairs.

I wish for this week to finally be over

You skipped tonight, where you won the lottery, and now you didn't.

I wish I had a big jawbreaker.

Granted and you break your jaw.

I wish this issue wasnt so complicated ._.

granted but you died in a Mexican standoff
i wish there are no cults

Granted, there are no people either. Or animals. Or life for that matter.

I wish for the 7 Chaos Emeralds.

Alright, but Sega is going to retcon it to make

I wish I didn't put my brain on my sleeve and have a history of taking of my shirt, and that people get the reference.

Granted. Anyone who gets the reference dies.

I wish for a robot that can finally defeat Sonic.

Granted, but tails defeats the robot.

I wish for a giant bag of chips

sure but it's so big that it knock out the moon
i wish for chuck norris

He comes and roundhouse kicks you to a pulp.

I'm hankerin for a hunk o cheese. I wish I had one.

Granted, but it's rotten.
I wish I had the longfall boots.