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[As he gets constaintly smashed against the ground by Kaijin]
EL DOLOR! El dulce, dulce dolor… Ok Kaijin you can stop.
[Kaijin continues to smash]
[An earth shattering kaboom is heard in the distance]
>Random soldier dude: "Here they are! Sir we found them!"
>Weird cultist looking guy: "Magnificent. [He quickly picks up an improvised megaphone made with a squirrel, a string and a megaphone] "Attention Circle lovers and Shirley praisers, we are the Dodecaheathenists and we have come to claim this holy land for the glory of the great Pythagoras. Prepare to die!"
[Round of carpet bombing begins]
[Dodecaheathenists begin firing a round of MIRV missles toward Soup King and Sam while they also fire a barrage of 88 Flak cannon shells towards Kaijin and Quiet_boi]
>Quiet_boi: Hey, King! It's the Dodecaheathenists! Looks like they finally stopped posting soyjaks insulting us to actually make a move! Now we have two factons to worry about. What now?

(Soup King Prime seems oblivious to the chaos going on around him as to dives out of the new hole in the side of the church and takes cover with his back facing the Heathen Scum.)

(Meanwhile, a klaxon can be heard wailing in the distance while a robotic voice screams in German.)

(Everyone close by feels a terrible sense of dread and unease at the sight of Soup King the Expendable One cowering and in great fear for his life.)

(Any who are close enough catch the occasional word in his panicked mumblings.)

"82"

"56"

"Science"

(Suddenly he quiets down and rotates his head to look straight at you.)

"Take the girl and run."

"Everything……everything will be fine…"

Kommando paused in the middle of pummeling Quiet_boi and turned his head to look at the Dodecahedronists. Visibly aggravated, he simply threw Quiet_boi's battered and bruised form at them, knocking the Megaphone Dodecahedronist to the ground.

"GGRAUUUUUUU!!!! I DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS INSULT!!!!" He screamed with insanity radiating from his voice.

Kommando charged and fired a massive projectile of purple light towards where the Dodecahedronists were standing. When it impacted a massive blast engulfed everything in light and when it settled, everything in a 100yd radius from where the Dodecahedronists were standing was completely obliterated, with only ashes remaining. With the Dodecahedronists dispatched, he turned back to the Circle Cultists and pounded his massive armored fists together.

"NOW!!!! WHICH OF YOU WILL I EVISCERATE FIRST??? ERRRRRGGGHHHH!" He said looming over Soup King Prime and his intern as the eyeless, tortured faces growing from his armor slowly began extending various cannons and recoilless rifles from their mouths.

(Quiet_boi survived the blast because as soon as he hit the Megaphone Dodecahedronist, the physics engine bugged out and bounced him outside of the blast radius, although out of the map as well. I'll leave it to QB himself as to how he escapes the out of bounds void.)

So, because I have the second comic strip writ out, but don't have time to make it, I'm not going to give my response for another day or two.

Also, you have to promise you won't get mad.

If either of you have been paying close attention, you might be able to work out what's happening next…

Welp, the holey one is just going to be another god rejected.

>Quiet_boi as he falls off the map: "COÑOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"
>[Quiet_boi respawns in a safe area because the map works as a game made by Rockstar, as in: If you fall off the map the game respawns you a few feet above the ground in an area as close as possible to the out of bounds point outside the map in which you were]
[He hits himself againts the ground when landing]
Ow!… ehmmm. Medic?

• >"Also, you have to promise you won't get mad."

(You do realize that the only proper in-character response for me right now is to get absurdly, vision-blurringly, psychotically, homicidally insane with madness and indescribably extreme fury, right?)

Well. There are as many Dodecaheathenists as there are demons in Doom's hell, some of them even just as strong so even with your OP build it's gonna take you at least two days to kill about half of them.

(As if I don't have a not-so-secret grab-bag of OP bullshit that I can pull from if I feel like doing the closest someone can get to cheesing an anything-goes RP thread where 99.9% of everything is made up just to trump the last user's post so does it really even matter?)

That's fine, you just need to follow this simple guide to contain your madness:

Step 1: Use you simmering wage to boil a pot of camomile and lemon tea.

Step 2: Bend over and assume the position so your ass blasts are a harmless spray instead of an armour piercing jet.

Step 3: Hug your Shirley Dakimakura tightly. Yes, I know. We all know.

Step 4: ???

Step 5: Profit!

May I please join your wonderous Cult?

hmmm. How's your Latin chanting?

To be honest, haven't done any latin chanting before but I'm a fast learner

hmmm. That sounds good enough to me. As first acolyte of the CoC i welcome you, jamie907 to our cult of love and conpassion (except for Dodecaheathenists, imperfect zealots)

Here's your pamphlet

It has everyrhing you need to know to be a member of our congregation. Now you just wait for the final veredict of our highest priest, Soup King, but knowing him i'm sure he'll embrace you and give you your "Don't be a square bat" in a heartbeat.

Thank you very much, I shall eagerly await The High Priest, Soup King's verdict

All Children of Man are welcome in the Holey One's embrace.

(Loud Smashing of Antique Church Pews)

Even Kaijin, regrettably.

Unfortunately thou has chosen a most inopportune moment to join our congregation, as you have caught us in the middle of a small religious schism.

(Anti-Tank Rocket Flies Between Us and Crashes into the Bakery Next Door.)

If thou wouldst be so kind in assisting Brother_boi in evacuating our intern to safety, I appreciate it greatly.

It appears that the Underserving Circle may have given us a blessing in disguise, so things should return to normal soon.

(quite rusty when it comes to rp but I'll do my best)

Jamie looks at the destroyed bakery and raises an eyebrow before clicking the safety off of his M16 and turning back to Soup King
"I would be honored to help, where is this intern at?"

I highly recommend you to read all previous posts on this thread, as well as investigating some of the shitpost Kaijin and King are capable of. Just so you may learn what type of elderich levels shitpost you will become a part of.
[Dons hole filled pot turned into a helmet]
Ok, our intern, Sam is rigth there next to King, escort her to safety rookie! And make sure absolutely nothing happends to her. That's the only waifu we got that we can truly call our own.
I'll stay here and walk off my wounds for a bit, i'll be ready for next one, don't worry… Ow, my ventricle.

(I'll make sure to read it then, any rules I should know about when it comes to the rp?)
Jamie runs over to Sam and taps her on the shoulder
"Come with me, I'm going to get you somewhere safe"

(so I read through the past posts and want to say that I really like the comic you made King, and can't wait to read the next one)

Kommando looked over at the newcomer and the intern making an escape, he then extended the chainsaw blade further out of his arm, held it into the air, began chanting something not meant to be heard with one's ears and suddenly and sharply slashed the air in front of him. A violet light shined in the air where he had slashed and slowly spread itself open revealing… nothing, a black void from which nothing seemed to emerge. The strange fissure closed and disappeared shortly afterward with nothing seeming to change until a bright flash of blinding red light stopped Jamie and Sam in their tracks. Where there was once nothing, there was now an ominous masked and armored figure blocking their path:

Looming over them, staring into their soles, through his golden mask he announced in an vaguely Slavic accent:

"I am Teofil Temeratorvlaski, renowned Diabolist and Conjurer, your souls and lives are forfeit and I will collect…" He said as from nothing rose several massive figures clad head-to-toe in metallic crimson armor with massive antler-like horns rising from their helmets, which also bore masks contorted into a facial expression epitomizing rage and hatred. They carried large, bloody poleaxes that one could almost faintly hear whispering curses and threats out into the world around them. The figures themselves were snarling degenerate insults, profane threats and obscene curses at everything they saw and were shaking with anger, the piercing red glow of their pupils beaming hatred at everything that looked into them. Temeratorvlaski continued:

"…I have seen to the committing of the most despicable crimes against Humanity, I've pulled entire towns full of people from their homes just to crush them into a bloody paste to bring life to my creations, I have turned the some of the most intelligent, sophisticated and complicated beings in my realm into nearly-mindless slaves, only living to cause agony and death on my order and I have killed creatures that weak imbeciles such as yourself could hardly begin to comprehend the appearance of, let alone their existence. So, shall you make this quick or will you drag out your own suffering and despair in a futile effort to put up some form of resistance? For you there is no victory, there is no escape and running will only prolongs your anguish. Will you die now, Or most painfully?"

Meanwhile, Kommando was marching towards Soup King Prime, his shadow covering the Circle Cultist more and more with every step he took.

"IT'S… IT'S OVER, HERETIC!!! RRRGH!!!" He groaned.

Kommando raised his toothy chainsaw arm above his head and prepared swing it back down.

"RAAAGH!!! ANY LAST WORDS, CIRCLE CULTIST?!?!?!*

Jamie smiles and puts his M16 away before unsheathing two katanas as samurai armor appears on his body and stepping in front of Sam
"I was hoping something like this would happen, it's been a long time since I have gotten to use my reaping blades."
"Sam stay behind me"
Jamie stares this masked figure in the eyes as his own eyes begin to glow with a fiery light and a shimmering shield of energy appears around him and Sam
"I've killed things you can't even begin to imagine, things that could crush you like a bug, this is your one chance to retreat"

(Tilting his head to the side)

You'd be far more intimidating if you weren't staring at their feet like a naughty school boy, you gothic gopnik git!

(Refocusing on Kaijin)

You really, really should run away. No one can stop what's coming.

(Security audio from the surveillance equipment guarding the facility under the church was now rapidly being fed back to Soup King Prime, with each creaking door and flickering force field eliciting a pronounced wincing from the machine.)

Number 15 would have beaten you senseless for what you've done to his church, but you all would have lived. But them…

(Perceptible only to those with access to the Noosphere, numbers uncountable began to flow through the air)

Oh….Fuck! They come, they come!

(Soup King Prime slumps to the floor, the lights fading from his visual sensors and the low hum of a powering down engine is barely audible in the chaos around them)

"Shoooouuuuuulllllddd………hhhhhhaaaaavvvveeeeee……….ruuuuuuuu…….."

Temeratorvlaski disappeared in another blinding flash of light, leaving behind only his depraved and manic laughter. When Jamie regained his vision he was met with the armored figures charging him, spouting their near-incomprehensible profanities all the way, the points of their poleaxes were quickly less than an inch from his face… (The outcome of this is response-dependent.)

Kommando brought his arm down and connected with Soup King Prime's head, shredding open his helmet as the crooked teeth of his chainsaw dig in… (The outcome of this is response-dependent.)

Whilst everyone was preoccupied with their opponents, a hideous blob of aberrant flesh was creeping about the rafters above the room. It's deformed head wore a metallic mask of a pristine, charming, immaculate face and in two it's distorted hands was an ornate and elegant looking bow, in another hand was an exquisite-looking mirror which it's head gazed into unwavering, a singular large limb extended from it's base and terminated in a large, leathery vestigial wing made of the webbing between the elongated fingers of it's claw. The creature caught a glimpse of Sam and Jamie behind it in it's mirror and it without turning it's head around like a normal archer would do, it simply held it's mirror still so as to keep the two in view and drew it's bow, preparing to put an extravagantly-decorated arrow through one of their heads…

"I am perfection…" It whispered to itself in a warped and inhuman, but regal and refined voice.

(Ugh… I was really hoping to get around to actually drawing the units/monsters I'm deploying here, but this is what I get for being a slow artist and choosing to contribute to my folder instead of drawing stuff I'd usually share.)

https://www.rprepository.com/character-site/124519
(this is my oc now)
Jamie sheathes his Katanas and grabs Sam with one arm before spreading his wings and lunging into the air faster than the eye can see, while using his other arm to hurl a massive fireball directly into the armored figures causing them to slowly burn to ashes as they are impure
"Ah I missed this form"
as he speaks angelic armor appears on his body and Sam glows with a faint golden light as Jamie puts an energy shield around her

Man, this clusterfuck is something.
[Quiet_boi says as he's sitting in a lawn chair while eating popcorn and looking at the mess. He continued]
I would help my brothers at the CoC but my back it's still hurting a bit.
Ow, the pain, the pain i need an aspirine.
[He said in an obviously fake and deadpan tone]
[Temeratorvlaski's arm appears from a blinding flash of light and takes Quiet_boi as if he was a plushie, or the rat from that rat grab meme] Temaratovlaski said: "Don't you know that you are suppoused to stay sharp!?"
[Temaratovlaski then drags Quiet_boi back with him to whatever void he came from in a blinding flash of ligth]
[About 8 seconds later another flash of ligth shines trough the entirety of the battlefield, even going as far as to distract Kaijin himself just for a split second]
[When the light faded away it showed a sight nobody was expecting]
[It was Quiet_boi wearing Temaratovlaski's armor, he spoke]
Man that dude migth have been a goth edgelord but he certainly isn't a very good gopnik, just one round of vodka, stale bread and hardbass was all it took to knock him out and potentially kill him… Or maybe it was the fact that he said that they don't have alcohol in his dimension an so he has a low resistance to it? Well whatever.
[Quiet_boi dons his pot helmet again as he casually walks towards Kaijin while endlessly laughing like a maniac]

The armor Quiet_boi was wearing slowly disappeared into nothing while Temaratovlaski's laughter echoed across the battlefield from nowhere and everywhere once again. Quiet_boi had merely fought an illusion. Suddenly he heard the sound of clopping hooves behind him, when he turned around his eyes caught a glimpse of a hideous, but oddly erotic monster: It resembled a cataphract, but the rider appeared to be fused into it's mount at the hips and had no legs to speak of, it's torso was vaguely effeminate and it's cuirass appeared to be molded into the shape of a large bosom, it's armor was smooth and shiny and covered everything except for it's mouth, showing only impossibly pale skin and a pair of lips concealing a mouth full of teeth too monstrous to belong to any creature on Earth. It's mount appeared to be some sort of hairless horse, albeit with a long, vermiform neck and no discernible head, it's legs were oddly like a human's albeit for the feet, terminating in hooves wearing ornate and intricate-looking horse shoes, the whole horse-part of the creature was clad in straps and belts made of an odd, leather-like material and bore several spikes, barbs and metallic studs. The rider-creature was wielding a strange polearm of some sort that seemed to have a blade made of a constantly shifting liquid, as if it could not decide what it wanted to be. The cataphract monster charged Quiet_boi and as it began to strike at him, the blade of it's polearm suddenly took the shape of a large, ornate blade and became rigid. (The outcome of this is response-dependent.)

(Just to clarify, the armored figures, blob-archer and fetish-nightmare-fuel cataphract are all minor, nameless demons representing Wrath, Pride and Lust respectively and are named for the Prince of Hell that represents said sin (e.g. Satanic Knights, Luciferian Archers, Asmodian Cataphracts), Temaratovlaski is summoning them endlessly and they are absurdly resilient and have to essentially be near-completely destroyed to be properly killed.)

As Jamie and Sam were ascending above the Satanic Knights, who were frequently spewing their rage at them, Jamie felt something suddenly pierce the root of one of his wings. They immediately crashed through a window and onto the streets outside the temple (We're fighting in a temple right?) once he had stood up and looked to his wing, he saw that he had been struck by an intricate and precious-looking arrow. As soon as he noticed it, another was shot through the window he had just crashed through and stabbed itself deep into the ground between him and Sam. He would need to remove the arrow and heal before he could fly again, but the whole arrow was made of a gold-like material that proved to be quite tough and resilient. Suddenly the ground began to shake as if something very large was approaching, loud engine noises, a deep, angered moaning and mechanical whirring along with a strange thrashing sound could be heard from behind the surrounding buildings. (The outcome of this is response-dependent.)

(BTW, I'm not doing anything with my self-insert until Soup King responds, due to the fact that he's supposed to currently be in the middle of chipping Soup King Prime's helmet to shreds right now.)

Jamie growled and as he did the arrow burned into nothingness as angelic fire consumed it before healing his wound. Jamie summons angelic fire onto the blades of his katanas and steps in front of Sam and readies himself to fight to the death

Demons!? [Said Quiet_boi] Prince of hell??!?!?!? Oohh that's it! you are having it!

Rip and tear!!
[Quiet_boi prepares his BFG-9000 and Crucible and hastly splits the horse riding abomination in half and then uses the BFG to turn it into paste]

Jamie takes a defensive stance and realizes that he has nowhere to go and that he has no choice but to stand his ground

Sam and Jamie are surrounded by Satanic Knights and Asmodian Cataphracts, with Luciferian Archers lurking just out of sight. Suddenly one of the buildings is slashed apart and the source of the ground shaking and the mechanical thrashing noises is revealed: A dark-blood-red 30-foot tall, tripedal armored machine with a rapidly rotating "head" of sorts, which has three short, stubby arms coming off of it, each one operating a large, bladed Cat-O-Nine-Tails that it uses to ensnare and eviscerate it's opponents. For feet it had massive metal talons that could shatter the toughest of vehicle armor like glass. Standing above them it let out an angered groan and tilted it's head down and slowly began to start whipping the ground and as it sped up it charged them in unison with the minor demons. (The outcome of this is response-dependent.)

(This creature is not a demon per-se, but a demon-powered war machine, aptly named a Flagellator. It's supposed to excel at slaughtering infantry en masse and is less-so, but still dangerously effective at destroying armored vehicles.)

As quickly as Quiet_boi had dispatched the first Asmodian Cataphract, hundreds more spilled firth into the area and began wreaking havoc, but that was not the worst of his troubles, for as soon as he readied himself to react he was struck by a projectile that had been lobbed by some siege engine hiding beyond the horizon. (The outcome of this is response-dependent.)

(Have I thrown enough BS dispable "generic" units, or should I start throwing in/summoning some more of my OC factions?)

Jamie lets out a guttural cry and a wave of angelic fire rolls outward from him instantly vaporizing anything within 500 yards of him and grabs Sam before teleporting over to Quiet Boy, panting at the amount of energy he has used
"This is quite the battle First Acolyte"

Several more Flagelators march from over the horizon, accompanied by swarms of Satanic Knights, Asmodian Cataphracts and another round of projectiles hurled at them. The projectiles struck first and hit all three of them, knocking Quiet_boi to the ground, shattering Jamie's armor and incapacitating Sam.

Jamie's armor instantly reforms as he falls to his knees with an audible groan before getting back onto his feet and standing in between the demons and his friends

One of the Flagellators charges him and the whip of one of it's Cat-O'-Nine-Tails knocks him aside, as soon as he move to stand up again a group of Satanic Knights dogpiles him attempting to stab him with the points of their poleaxes. Their insults and vile, depraved verbal profanities were deafening to be around.

(Although, seriously, should I throw in another army of generic units? I'm kind of getting into a more outer-space sci-fi mood than the science-fantasy-horror mood I was in when I decided to throw Temaratovlaski into this. There's definitely two more characters I'd like to throw into this if I can get their portraits done in a timely manner.)

Jamie snarls and transforms the Knights into daises before hurling dozens of razorsharp feather knives into the horde of Flagellators killing dozens of them upon contact with the holy objects

(mmm I don't know to be honest)

The knives merely bounced harmlessly off of the Flagellator's hardened vehicle armor, continuing their advance as if nothing happened. Jamie, upon standing up again, was knocked back to the ground by an Asmodian Cataphract. A Satanic Knight equipped with a throwing axe appeared and attempted to hit Jamie with it, but missed, it's raged increased tenfold as a result, it threw another axe at him.

Kommando stood there with his chainsaw frozen in Soup King Prime's helmet, unable to advance due to no response being given he thought he'd just wait. But then, he felt it… his body was almost the Taco Bell burritos he had eaten earlier and he can't wait much longer, but he can't move until Soup King moves first. Trying to avoid soiling himself, he stands there whimpering in despair.

(Ok, I think I'm getting to that point in the RP Thread where I start having way too much fun with the characters than anyone deserves to.

(I'm just trying to 1v1 an entire army and not die so you know, kinda sucks, but it is will be worth it to keep the Intern alive, please the undeserving circle and not disappoint Soup King)

*Jamie rolls as he falls catching the axe with one hand before causing the blade to glow with angelic fire as he slammed it into the Cataphract causing it to burn to ashes then he hurls the axe at the knight killing the knight

Jamie growls and stands back in a defensive pose panting slightly*

No thanks.

I only believe in the incomprehensible void that is our reality.

Thou art a being of free will, as the Holey One intended.

Therefore, though it doth breakst mine heart, thou art free to make the wrong choice.

Praise be to the Undeserving Circle

(It suddenly occurs to Quiet_boi and Jamie that all of the Soup King robots have seemingly disappeared. But there presence can still be felt. Countless hidden eyes watch, waiting for a signal.)

Soon…

Jamie lets out a shout of defiance and causing a glowing circle to appear in the air above him while simultaneously pulling energy from his surroundings to power himself up

Quiet_boi breaks a Bersek power up and a Quad Damage power up and then prepares to begin a massacre of BIBLICAL proportions

finished powering up Jamie begins to glow with a faint light

Kommando looked to his sides to see if anyone was watching him and upon finding that he was alone, took his chansaw arm out of Soup King Prime's helmet and slashed another fissure into the air. Upon finishing he put his chainsaw back into Soup King Prime's helmet and began whistling nonchalantly.

Suddenly a massive spaceship appeared in the atmosphere above the battlefield along with smaller landing craft of some kind. From the landing craft emerged squads of various units, some appeared to be older teenagers in uniforms while others were in hard, metallic mechanical armor that quickly turned invisible and they were accompanied by divisions of massive, 9-foot tall suits of robotic armor. They all poured forth into the battlefield and began shooting on sight any Soup King robots and Circle Cultists they found.

(Ok, I threw in the Sci-Fi units. Introducing the USCAA Military, from 10,000 years into the future.

Interdictors: Students of various military academies that have reached fighting age and volunteered to enter a form of military service either out of a desire to make the world a better place or as a beginning to a larger military career. Primarily aimed at containing and combating insurgency, defections, terrorism and suppressing radical groups that tend to be poorly equipped, their weapons are usually lighter than the other branches' and armor components of their uniforms are usually limited to the standard issue frequency armor generator and an energy armor generator, making them immune to conventional gunfire and similar projectile weapons and resistant to energy weapons. (If you're wondering, yes, Kitty, Pinky and Dusty are Interdictors.)

Cosmorines: The Naval infantry units of the USCAA Military, they prioritize the efficacy of each and every individual Cosmorine with all of them being required to be excellent marksmen, versatile combatants and master tacticians. Their armor suits are an armored robotic exoskeleton that greatly magnifies their natural strength and can also turn invisible to not just the human eye, but also to complex and sophisticated cameras and sensors, in addition to the standard-issue armor generators. Their weapons vary greatly from the standard carbines and rifles to more specialized and unusual weapons meant for certain situations.

Soldiers: The typical soldier of the USCAA Army is a pilot operating a 9-foot tall robotic suit of armor capable of not only the same strengths, invisibility and protections as the Cosmorine's, but is also usually equipped with a 1.2-inch autocannon on it's right arm and a rotary gun on it's left, with space for a variety of tertiary weapons on the top of it's torso. Tertiary weapons include but are not limited to: Radiation Casters, Lightning Cannons, various types of Missile Launchers and Artillery Weapons, Burrowing Lasers and various types of Air Defense Systems.

Also, their guns are either railguns that fire rocket-propelled darts containing various types of explosive warheads that detonate once inside the target's body, usually dismembering them, or laser guns that, similar to real life, fire an invisible beam of light that burns through whatever is in it's way.)

"Thank you for attending my TED Talk."

Quiet_boi whips out a tuba and starts playing tones that sound more outlandish the more he plays. Eventually Kaijin's sphincter begins to feel "loose" as an expression of "oh uh" starts to form in his face "The burrito" says Kaijin, who dosen't want to shit on his trousers yet he dosen't either wish to give Soup King any chances

This talk was given by Kommando "Really should know better by now what a quiet Soup King means"" Kaijin.

Thank you all for attending and goodnight.

using his enhanced vision Jamie watches as the soldiers turn invisible and smile, happy that his vision hasn't lost it's touch

Kommando quickly grows a Mk-19 40mm grenade launcher from Jenna's face, on his left shoulder, and fire a single 40mm grenade down Quiet_boi's tuba. Instead of the expected explosion, a faint hissing could be heard when suddenly Quiet_boi began sweating and twitching, developed a runny nose, felt an odd tightness in his chest and was beginning to feel incredibly nauseous.

"SO YOU WANT ME TO LOOSE A LITTLE GAS??? RRRRGHARRA!!!!!" Kommando mocked, laughing at the circle cultist as he convulsed in a pool of his own vomit while making futile gasps for air due to the effects of VX gas.