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I have created a new religion. Come and join my cult.

Last posted Nov 16, 2024 at 01:24PM EST. Added Feb 17, 2021 at 12:11PM EST
1344 posts from 22 users

Soup King wrote:

So…it's just occurred to me that the situation we have found ourselves in is basically Reverse-Sonic.

We have a smart-ass robot strolling around below the speed of sound serving a singular ring, trying to save the world from an unlicensed industrialist with a colourful cast of characters.

Thinking about it, how is Kaijin not Dr Robotnik?

His waifus even revert back into the cute woodland creatures they were horrifically mutated from upon their defeat. [Citation Needed]

(I imagine this taking place sometime in the future where most cities have been industrial for centuries, to the point where everyone had at least met someone who had been genetically or mechanically altered.)
(For us, that would be Kaijin’s army. And the reason why he chose to make a religion around Shirley is because she was never subject to such modifications, nor did her parents pass down artificial genes. While I don’t recall it being said outright, it is certainly implied.)

Soup King wrote:

So…it's just occurred to me that the situation we have found ourselves in is basically Reverse-Sonic.

We have a smart-ass robot strolling around below the speed of sound serving a singular ring, trying to save the world from an unlicensed industrialist with a colourful cast of characters.

Thinking about it, how is Kaijin not Dr Robotnik?

His waifus even revert back into the cute woodland creatures they were horrifically mutated from upon their defeat. [Citation Needed]

Having been a Hyper-Autistic Sonic fan as a child, this makes more sense than I'd like it too.

Although in all honesty, that would just be one inspiration among many, I mean, I'm into Hyper-Industrialized stuff and Eggman's bases would be one source of inspiration for that, but there's also Epic Mickey, Star Wars, Transformers (mainly Bayformers and Prime), WH40K, Half-Life, LEGO video games and old war films ( Tora! Tora! Tora!,! The Longest Day and the 1958 Dunkirk film are amazing in my opinion, you should check them out.)

TL;DR 90% of the media I grew up with and enjoyed the most involved large amounts of industrialized machinery, massive automotive-oriented cities and generally high-tech settings or subject matter.

olors64 wrote:

(I imagine this taking place sometime in the future where most cities have been industrial for centuries, to the point where everyone had at least met someone who had been genetically or mechanically altered.)
(For us, that would be Kaijin’s army. And the reason why he chose to make a religion around Shirley is because she was never subject to such modifications, nor did her parents pass down artificial genes. While I don’t recall it being said outright, it is certainly implied.)

Funnily enough, in the setting I designed that Kitty Hawk's from, which if far-future sci-fi space stuff, a large portion of the population is descended from genetically altered supersoldiers that were initially used to fight in a WWIII scenario. Supersoldier Descendants are rated on how effective their inherited altered genetics are in a lettered system from A-F, with A being 100-90% effective and F being 0-15%, which is almost indistinguishable from the average above-average-fitness-and-health athlete. Kitty, Pinky and Dusty are A-Grade and are thus capable of things such as sprinting at 60 MPH, lifting 5,000 lbs. like it's 50 lbs. and having and extreme radioresistance making them essentially immune to radioactive fallout.

Everyone else is normal, mainly due to being from a different setting, except for J, who while not genetically engineered, was basically a regular child that was roided-up throughout childhood and purpose-trained for missions until adulthood, think Spartans from Halo except instead of space UN and sci-fi gene editing, it's the US Intelligence Community and Human Growth Hormones injections.

The religion is about Shirley because she's pure and innocent…

  • …and dat ass!
Last edited Aug 14, 2021 at 02:36PM EDT

Recalling the previous discussion, I remember that one of the other members is another angelic being who can see me.

Instead of bringing it up again, I return to contemplating the Circle, cycles, time, the concept of roundness… I also focus on how regular 3-D polyhedra operate and their role in our reality.

Addressing the other members, I talk about my realizations.

Earlier, I alluded to a set of 3-D shapes which includes dodecahedra, and icosahedra. The remaining three are octahedra, cubes, and tetrahedra.
Without going into too much detail, all five of these have several things in common. Having neither holes nor a hollow interior, and every face is identical in shape and size.

Of the five solids, four correspond to the qualities of matter. They vary greatly in number and size, and their interactions with each other gets complex.

Cubes represent firmness, as they can be easily stacked with minimal space. Energy can make them spread out, and when they are, one can smell them. It is also perceptible through taste, sight, touch, and hearing. In isolation, they are brittle, as its strength depends on grain size. They are the earth-substance. The negation is softness.

Tetrahedra represent heat. It is the sharpest shape, and the fastest of the qualities. It can be felt, and is sometimes visible or audible. While isolated, it can move at the speed of light. They are the fire-substance. The negation is coldness.

Icosahedra represent cohesion or density. The roundest of the four qualities, they flow past each other. They can be tasted, seen, felt, and heard. In high concentrations, they are known to be dense, with anything inside subject to stronger pressures. They are the water-substance. The negation is looseness or light-weightiness.

Octahedra represent stiffness, inertia, or the negation of motion. Although triangular, they are more blunt than tetrahedra, and tend to slide off each other. In large concentrations, they feel like heavy air. When there’s less of them, they become free to move around, allowing it to be felt and heard. They are the wind-substance.

The remaining two qualities are the immaterial ones, which are empty space and dodecahedra, which represent consciousness.

This list is, of course, far from complete. I didn’t mention the star polyhedra, which are the roots of evil; nevertheless, they should be discussed soon, as they pose a huge problem for us all.

(This isn’t canon at the moment, but it could be useful later on.)

Last edited Aug 16, 2021 at 09:40AM EDT

Status Update:

It has been five days since Kaijin arose from his comatose state in his swanky new clothes and teleported himself and his temple/laboratory/man-cave away to pastures unknown.

The girls are still on the hunt for him after returning from our home dimension with determined looks on their faces and ranting about "making full use of the dungeon" when they find him.

Personally, I thought Kaijin would use a brig or isolation cells, since that would be more in keeping with his theme; but as with most biological life forms, his actions are a complete mystery to me.

In preparation for the inevitable outcome of Kaijin's artistic misadventures, I have divided the land around the Church into defensive sectors.

I have the Eastern Front.

Quit_Boi has the Southern Front

And Olors is in charge of the Western Front.

Worryingly, everyone that has been sent to secure the Northern Front has disappeared so far.

Presumably Kaijin is hiding up there somewhere and is zapping anything and everything in his blind panic.

On the assumption that this is the case, I have pre-emptively placed a couch, a popcorn machine and a mini-fridge full of ethanol and beer upon the roof of the Church facing in that direction.

Last edited Aug 20, 2021 at 04:49PM EDT

Soup King wrote:

Status Update:

It has been five days since Kaijin arose from his comatose state in his swanky new clothes and teleported himself and his temple/laboratory/man-cave away to pastures unknown.

The girls are still on the hunt for him after returning from our home dimension with determined looks on their faces and ranting about "making full use of the dungeon" when they find him.

Personally, I thought Kaijin would use a brig or isolation cells, since that would be more in keeping with his theme; but as with most biological life forms, his actions are a complete mystery to me.

In preparation for the inevitable outcome of Kaijin's artistic misadventures, I have divided the land around the Church into defensive sectors.

I have the Eastern Front.

Quit_Boi has the Southern Front

And Olors is in charge of the Western Front.

Worryingly, everyone that has been sent to secure the Northern Front has disappeared so far.

Presumably Kaijin is hiding up there somewhere and is zapping anything and everything in his blind panic.

On the assumption that this is the case, I have pre-emptively placed a couch, a popcorn machine and a mini-fridge full of ethanol and beer upon the roof of the Church facing in that direction.

Checks map I made earlier.

To the North is… apartment complexes, historical buildings, High-Rises and the ocean.

I really have no idea what they'd be disappearing to unless they're just deserting and riding around town.

Just for clarification, to the East is The Church of Shirley, to the West is a train station, some neighborhoods and a large highway interchange and to the South is a small neighborhood, then the highway, then a forest and mountains.

Status Update:

I have located Kaijin's church!

It turns out that the Church of Shirley was cunningly disguised as the Church of Shirley and was in the exact same place as the original building in the Eastern Sector of the city.

The devious deviants of the dastardly denomination had changed the name to Church o' Shirley and had placed up a sign outside saying "Sorry. No Vacancies."

They thought they could fool a Child of the Circle, but they were wrong!

As they are in most things.

Meanwhile, I have discovered why we have been losing members up North.

It turns out that all of the shitbots we had sent up there were under the age of 16 and being rebellious teenagers, they had all flunked off work to host Beach Parties where they mainlined DDD Batteries, raced their custom-made, fusion powered tricycles and played Rockabilly at an unreasonable volume for that time of the night.

We have since brought them all back, gave them a stern talking to and filled the entire North sector with an almost unreasonable amount of Geese; as this is a far better security measure than just leaving them unsupervised again.

Soup King wrote:

Status Update:

I have located Kaijin's church!

It turns out that the Church of Shirley was cunningly disguised as the Church of Shirley and was in the exact same place as the original building in the Eastern Sector of the city.

The devious deviants of the dastardly denomination had changed the name to Church o' Shirley and had placed up a sign outside saying "Sorry. No Vacancies."

They thought they could fool a Child of the Circle, but they were wrong!

As they are in most things.

Meanwhile, I have discovered why we have been losing members up North.

It turns out that all of the shitbots we had sent up there were under the age of 16 and being rebellious teenagers, they had all flunked off work to host Beach Parties where they mainlined DDD Batteries, raced their custom-made, fusion powered tricycles and played Rockabilly at an unreasonable volume for that time of the night.

We have since brought them all back, gave them a stern talking to and filled the entire North sector with an almost unreasonable amount of Geese; as this is a far better security measure than just leaving them unsupervised again.

Wait, did you said "geese"?
[Angery honking intensifies]
It was a bad day to go buy some bread.

Update: drawing visually complex character designs with lots of tiny details is hard, and even harder when you you're working with 400-530 pixels-tall panels inside a 1200×1600 page. This is going to take a little longer than expected, but to hopefully convince you I'm not just sitting around drawing completely unrelated things, to talk about some of the redesigns I've made for this, Kitty Hawk now has roller skates, chaps and electric crab claws, my self-insert's shoulder pads extend about 5 feet over my/his head, J. is now a conehead and Hera Smithson is now a green, cannon-wielding gorilla.

I promise it will make sense… eventually… and it will be totally badass.

While guarding the east, the angel decides to describe otherworldly events to the CoC.
It was a normal time in the Heaven of Contentment. Many were either enjoying the various ecstasies that surround them, meditating, or communicating with beings in higher planes.
Aiming to commune with the Holey One, I entered the necessary stage of concentration. The topic on my mind was on sin, the cause of sin, it’s negation, and the way to the negation of sin. I was, and continue to be, conscious of how short the lifespans of Earthly beings are. In contrast, where I dwell, time can pass deceptively quickly. One day can last several earth centuries, and a year for us is several times the duration between humanity’s first written record and the present.
Here is what I experienced in the Circle’s presence:
I was reminded of a certain set of four spiky polyhedra, and wondered what 4 vices, or category of vices, they correspond to. I was then shown a sunflower, but beware, for this was no ordinary sunflower! It had twelve petals and, indeed, a dodecagon in the blossom. The pollen it produced matched the shapes the Circle and I had in mind. These represent the 4 primary dangers the CoC must guard against:
Covetousness
Ill-Will
Distorted grasp of rules and vows
Adhering to a dogmatic assertion of truth
Those are the threats present in our minds. I asked if this applies to other cults. The Circle showed that all belief systems are vulnerable to these taints. In retrospect, it is amazing how, even in a world rife with delusion and division, behaviors can still be described in a universalist way.

Delighted with this knowledge given to me, I returned to the Heaven of Contentment.

Anyways, if you’re wondering what stuff is like on my front, I confirmed my suspicion that there are more cults in the city. They don’t seem to be a threat, as most are much more preoccupied with their in-group than their rivals. There’s this one cult that managed to reach a mental state where they caught me snooping. In their naivety, they attempted to “appease” me, which I found intolerable. So Woshua and I mixed the soap and water I found in their bathroom, and poured bubbles into their prayer chamber, which successfully distracted them. If you ever find a room inexplicably filled with soap stains, you’ll know where I’m talking about.

Status Update:

It had been a week since I had discovered Kaijin's hiding place and I had decided to return to find out what they were up to; as no one has replied to my letters, e-mails or carrier pigeons.

Unfortunately, they had deviously upgraded their security protocols since my last visit by locking their windows, bolting all of the doors and closing the curtains.

Because of this, I had to resort to emptying out a flower pot, placing it against the front door and seeing if I could hear anything that might clue me in onto their current plans.

Strangely, all I could hear was what appeared to be a repeating loop of Sweet Sweet Gwendoline, Manchmal Haben Frauen and Mein Baby War Beim Friseur.

Resigning myself to the fact that this mystery would have to continue for the time being, I returned home to get the buffet ready, for it was a Tuesday and we needed to get ready for the next catastrophe to befall us.

This week's fresh hell came in the form of some sort of bio-mechanical creatures that referred to themselves as the Undefinable Revelation.

I was greatly surprised at the civility of these beings as they only killed me eight times in a row before finally deigning to react to my attempts to commune with them; which is much better than most things that come crawling out of 56's and 82's Hell Portal.

They claimed to be servants of Shirley and creations of Kaijin.

I had doubts about this, so I arranged for two tests to see if there was any truth in these claims.

First of all, I had them perform the Ancient Rite of Agadoo.

After multiple, serious self-inflicted injuries, it was clear to all who witnessed it that these were indeed creations of Kaijin.

As we let them rest and recover from this strenuous ordeal, the leader (Bloodgrinder or something like that) asked me what my origin was and how I came to be here.

Being still groggy from my recent resurrection and previous eight murders, I couldn't be arsed to tell her that, so I just repeated the lyrics to Viva la Vida instead.

She said she understood my pain.

As we were about to carry out the second test, one of them turned into a brass, fire bellowing bull in preparation for the upcoming trial.

After seeing this, we all agreed that the second test was not necessary after all and that they were truly pious worshippers of Shirley.

Cows are cool.

The Undefinables seemed to be terribly bemused by the fact that we follow and adhere to both the Church of Shirley and the Cult of the Circle simultaneously, as they thought they we were in eternal conflict.

I explained to them that they were currently in the dankest timeline, and as such, this was completely acceptable and normal for this plane of existence.

They are currently residing with ourselves as they try and comprehend the situation they have found themselves in.

Despite the somewhat frequent beheadings and the drastic, rapid redecoration of our church every morning; this current arrangement seems to be working quite well.

On a much brighter note, it seems that Number 2 has struck up a friendship of sorts with their leader.

They have slain everyone one of us shitbots at least once, but so far Number 2 has remained untouched.

Since Number 2 is the purest and most innocent of us all, perhaps they see no threat in him. Perhaps they see something of the goddess they adore so much instead.

He is not exactly welcomed by them, but he is at least tolerated and sometimes they will even talk to him; although admittedly it is mostly the dragon-lady that converses with him.

This pleases us greatly, as we have calculated that despite their impressive shape shifting abilities, the leader still does have a large enough circumference to feasibly survive the results of what would happen if they did lay a hand on poor, little Number 2.

A few minutes before I had written this report, I was about to give them the locations of Kaijin's Church when I was approached by the Undefinable referred to as Rhajamaut, who came to meet me in my office.

She asked me if I knew of any biological males in the area, as she had "important, personal business" to take care of.

My first thought was of Brother Boi, but he had been dragged kicking and screaming into the ventilation shafts by Sam, who had presumably taken him back to her "Girl Cave" a few days before their arrival; so, I had to assume he was busy.

My next thought was of Brother Olors, but then it occurred to me that they weren't biological in nature. Also, they were currently carrying out the Lord's work in the western sector, so would be unavailable for the foreseeable future anyway.

The civilians had gone to wherever civilians go whenever me and Kaijin have our little kerfuffles, so kidnapping a biological male was out of the question.

This left me with just suggesting Ex-Brother Kaijin, as I'm 80% sure that they are actually male and human under all those layers they wear. Besides, as they are both adults, I'm sure they would be able to sort out any misunderstandings they might have relatively easily.

Rhajamaut thanked me for this information and said she would pass it onto the rest of the Undefinables "as soon as she was finished with her business".

Hopefully, this will both raise their spirits and ease the tensions between us; as I must admit that spending the last two days with no head has been most inconvenient.

Most inconvenient indeed!

Soup King wrote:

Status Update:

It had been a week since I had discovered Kaijin's hiding place and I had decided to return to find out what they were up to; as no one has replied to my letters, e-mails or carrier pigeons.

Unfortunately, they had deviously upgraded their security protocols since my last visit by locking their windows, bolting all of the doors and closing the curtains.

Because of this, I had to resort to emptying out a flower pot, placing it against the front door and seeing if I could hear anything that might clue me in onto their current plans.

Strangely, all I could hear was what appeared to be a repeating loop of Sweet Sweet Gwendoline, Manchmal Haben Frauen and Mein Baby War Beim Friseur.

Resigning myself to the fact that this mystery would have to continue for the time being, I returned home to get the buffet ready, for it was a Tuesday and we needed to get ready for the next catastrophe to befall us.

This week's fresh hell came in the form of some sort of bio-mechanical creatures that referred to themselves as the Undefinable Revelation.

I was greatly surprised at the civility of these beings as they only killed me eight times in a row before finally deigning to react to my attempts to commune with them; which is much better than most things that come crawling out of 56's and 82's Hell Portal.

They claimed to be servants of Shirley and creations of Kaijin.

I had doubts about this, so I arranged for two tests to see if there was any truth in these claims.

First of all, I had them perform the Ancient Rite of Agadoo.

After multiple, serious self-inflicted injuries, it was clear to all who witnessed it that these were indeed creations of Kaijin.

As we let them rest and recover from this strenuous ordeal, the leader (Bloodgrinder or something like that) asked me what my origin was and how I came to be here.

Being still groggy from my recent resurrection and previous eight murders, I couldn't be arsed to tell her that, so I just repeated the lyrics to Viva la Vida instead.

She said she understood my pain.

As we were about to carry out the second test, one of them turned into a brass, fire bellowing bull in preparation for the upcoming trial.

After seeing this, we all agreed that the second test was not necessary after all and that they were truly pious worshippers of Shirley.

Cows are cool.

The Undefinables seemed to be terribly bemused by the fact that we follow and adhere to both the Church of Shirley and the Cult of the Circle simultaneously, as they thought they we were in eternal conflict.

I explained to them that they were currently in the dankest timeline, and as such, this was completely acceptable and normal for this plane of existence.

They are currently residing with ourselves as they try and comprehend the situation they have found themselves in.

Despite the somewhat frequent beheadings and the drastic, rapid redecoration of our church every morning; this current arrangement seems to be working quite well.

On a much brighter note, it seems that Number 2 has struck up a friendship of sorts with their leader.

They have slain everyone one of us shitbots at least once, but so far Number 2 has remained untouched.

Since Number 2 is the purest and most innocent of us all, perhaps they see no threat in him. Perhaps they see something of the goddess they adore so much instead.

He is not exactly welcomed by them, but he is at least tolerated and sometimes they will even talk to him; although admittedly it is mostly the dragon-lady that converses with him.

This pleases us greatly, as we have calculated that despite their impressive shape shifting abilities, the leader still does have a large enough circumference to feasibly survive the results of what would happen if they did lay a hand on poor, little Number 2.

A few minutes before I had written this report, I was about to give them the locations of Kaijin's Church when I was approached by the Undefinable referred to as Rhajamaut, who came to meet me in my office.

She asked me if I knew of any biological males in the area, as she had "important, personal business" to take care of.

My first thought was of Brother Boi, but he had been dragged kicking and screaming into the ventilation shafts by Sam, who had presumably taken him back to her "Girl Cave" a few days before their arrival; so, I had to assume he was busy.

My next thought was of Brother Olors, but then it occurred to me that they weren't biological in nature. Also, they were currently carrying out the Lord's work in the western sector, so would be unavailable for the foreseeable future anyway.

The civilians had gone to wherever civilians go whenever me and Kaijin have our little kerfuffles, so kidnapping a biological male was out of the question.

This left me with just suggesting Ex-Brother Kaijin, as I'm 80% sure that they are actually male and human under all those layers they wear. Besides, as they are both adults, I'm sure they would be able to sort out any misunderstandings they might have relatively easily.

Rhajamaut thanked me for this information and said she would pass it onto the rest of the Undefinables "as soon as she was finished with her business".

Hopefully, this will both raise their spirits and ease the tensions between us; as I must admit that spending the last two days with no head has been most inconvenient.

Most inconvenient indeed!

Deep inside Sam's "girl cave" the voice of Quiet_boi can be heard as he screams with a very deep echo and apperantly from very deep inside the cave: "Hey guys! I just thought of something! How many Shirleyist does it take to change a lightbulb?!….. Well, I would tell you but they haven't figured out how to take the lightbulb out of it's box yet!!"

I go back to the west side to scan for dangerous.. dangerous to us, activity. Turning north, the geese have dispersed but there are still too many as to prove a nuisance. Turning south, there aren't as many cults, but I notice Quiet_Boi is underground with Sam.

Oh, oh dear…

So this is what the Holey One warned me about. I wasn't oblivious to it, but after those visions, it hits differently.

Emergency Meeting

Quiet Boi is sent to his post while Sam is sent outside, but closer to the building. Both of them can see me.

After calming them down, I tell them the important news.

Okay everyone, I have received a new revelation from the Holey One. It regards our day-to-day activities, so listen closely.

I explain the revelation.

Now, as a follow up, I will explain the 4 taints. Covetousness covers unskillful intentions and behaviors regarding greed, gluttony, and lust, that is, the desires for material, bodily, and mental possessions respectively. Ill-will covers unskillful intentions and behaviors regarding regret, envy, and wrath, that is, hatred of one's past actions, of the fortune others have, and unchecked anger, respectively. Distorting rules and vows is a taint which causes otherwise good intentions to lead to not so good results, clouding judgement with pride. The last one, adherence to dogmatic assertions of truth, occurs when people learn, but instead of analyzing, inferring, or comprehending the meaning, it is taken at face value with only a surface level of understanding, as sloth slows down our progress.

In order to negate sloth, remind yourselves of how impermanent life is, how countless births and deaths occur in even a second. This would give you energy to overcome dull thought. To negate the distortion of rules and vows, periodically remind yourselves of what you are sure to be beneficial and true. To negate wrath, focus on good-will, feeling care and affection for one another. To negate envy, focus on the emotion of sympathetic joy, being happy when others are happy. To negate regret, maintain a balanced state of mind that neither attaches to nor pushes away thoughts. To negate covetousness, concentrate upon the concept of impermanence, considering possessions as ultimately unstable and unreliable; to remove ego, reconsider the way we understand the self by thinking of how impermanent it is, and, if you can, try resolving the Ship of Theseus paradox.

The angel returned to normal signaling that he was done.

Last edited Aug 31, 2021 at 10:36PM EDT

Soup King wrote:

Status Update:

It had been a week since I had discovered Kaijin's hiding place and I had decided to return to find out what they were up to; as no one has replied to my letters, e-mails or carrier pigeons.

Unfortunately, they had deviously upgraded their security protocols since my last visit by locking their windows, bolting all of the doors and closing the curtains.

Because of this, I had to resort to emptying out a flower pot, placing it against the front door and seeing if I could hear anything that might clue me in onto their current plans.

Strangely, all I could hear was what appeared to be a repeating loop of Sweet Sweet Gwendoline, Manchmal Haben Frauen and Mein Baby War Beim Friseur.

Resigning myself to the fact that this mystery would have to continue for the time being, I returned home to get the buffet ready, for it was a Tuesday and we needed to get ready for the next catastrophe to befall us.

This week's fresh hell came in the form of some sort of bio-mechanical creatures that referred to themselves as the Undefinable Revelation.

I was greatly surprised at the civility of these beings as they only killed me eight times in a row before finally deigning to react to my attempts to commune with them; which is much better than most things that come crawling out of 56's and 82's Hell Portal.

They claimed to be servants of Shirley and creations of Kaijin.

I had doubts about this, so I arranged for two tests to see if there was any truth in these claims.

First of all, I had them perform the Ancient Rite of Agadoo.

After multiple, serious self-inflicted injuries, it was clear to all who witnessed it that these were indeed creations of Kaijin.

As we let them rest and recover from this strenuous ordeal, the leader (Bloodgrinder or something like that) asked me what my origin was and how I came to be here.

Being still groggy from my recent resurrection and previous eight murders, I couldn't be arsed to tell her that, so I just repeated the lyrics to Viva la Vida instead.

She said she understood my pain.

As we were about to carry out the second test, one of them turned into a brass, fire bellowing bull in preparation for the upcoming trial.

After seeing this, we all agreed that the second test was not necessary after all and that they were truly pious worshippers of Shirley.

Cows are cool.

The Undefinables seemed to be terribly bemused by the fact that we follow and adhere to both the Church of Shirley and the Cult of the Circle simultaneously, as they thought they we were in eternal conflict.

I explained to them that they were currently in the dankest timeline, and as such, this was completely acceptable and normal for this plane of existence.

They are currently residing with ourselves as they try and comprehend the situation they have found themselves in.

Despite the somewhat frequent beheadings and the drastic, rapid redecoration of our church every morning; this current arrangement seems to be working quite well.

On a much brighter note, it seems that Number 2 has struck up a friendship of sorts with their leader.

They have slain everyone one of us shitbots at least once, but so far Number 2 has remained untouched.

Since Number 2 is the purest and most innocent of us all, perhaps they see no threat in him. Perhaps they see something of the goddess they adore so much instead.

He is not exactly welcomed by them, but he is at least tolerated and sometimes they will even talk to him; although admittedly it is mostly the dragon-lady that converses with him.

This pleases us greatly, as we have calculated that despite their impressive shape shifting abilities, the leader still does have a large enough circumference to feasibly survive the results of what would happen if they did lay a hand on poor, little Number 2.

A few minutes before I had written this report, I was about to give them the locations of Kaijin's Church when I was approached by the Undefinable referred to as Rhajamaut, who came to meet me in my office.

She asked me if I knew of any biological males in the area, as she had "important, personal business" to take care of.

My first thought was of Brother Boi, but he had been dragged kicking and screaming into the ventilation shafts by Sam, who had presumably taken him back to her "Girl Cave" a few days before their arrival; so, I had to assume he was busy.

My next thought was of Brother Olors, but then it occurred to me that they weren't biological in nature. Also, they were currently carrying out the Lord's work in the western sector, so would be unavailable for the foreseeable future anyway.

The civilians had gone to wherever civilians go whenever me and Kaijin have our little kerfuffles, so kidnapping a biological male was out of the question.

This left me with just suggesting Ex-Brother Kaijin, as I'm 80% sure that they are actually male and human under all those layers they wear. Besides, as they are both adults, I'm sure they would be able to sort out any misunderstandings they might have relatively easily.

Rhajamaut thanked me for this information and said she would pass it onto the rest of the Undefinables "as soon as she was finished with her business".

Hopefully, this will both raise their spirits and ease the tensions between us; as I must admit that spending the last two days with no head has been most inconvenient.

Most inconvenient indeed!

…But the Undefinables don't exist until after the events of the upcoming comic?

I had a bunch of varyingly relevant stuff typed up here, including lore bits about The Estelletons and the MacMadeths and a joke about this thread being an approximation of an unstable reality, but I accidentally lost it when I went to open Wikipedia to double check something and accidentally opened it in the tab I was typing this on. Goddammit, maybe next time, it was cool stuff, too.

I will however, retype my personal rules for multiple realities and inter-dimensional whatnot.

Separate realities and timelines can be traveled between, but if someone were to leave a reality and come return later, they can only reenter at the point in time that they left, or afterwards. Essentially making time-traveling backwards is impossible per this rule set. So even with inter-dimensional hi-jinks and so-on that the Undefinables in the NatRP Thread are very obviously capable of doing, they can't show up here, yet.

But, what the Hell, shitposts are shitposts, if anything doesn't jive with my personal timeline, I'll just declare it non-canon anyways.

olors64 wrote:

I go back to the west side to scan for dangerous.. dangerous to us, activity. Turning north, the geese have dispersed but there are still too many as to prove a nuisance. Turning south, there aren't as many cults, but I notice Quiet_Boi is underground with Sam.

Oh, oh dear…

So this is what the Holey One warned me about. I wasn't oblivious to it, but after those visions, it hits differently.

Emergency Meeting

Quiet Boi is sent to his post while Sam is sent outside, but closer to the building. Both of them can see me.

After calming them down, I tell them the important news.

Okay everyone, I have received a new revelation from the Holey One. It regards our day-to-day activities, so listen closely.

I explain the revelation.

Now, as a follow up, I will explain the 4 taints. Covetousness covers unskillful intentions and behaviors regarding greed, gluttony, and lust, that is, the desires for material, bodily, and mental possessions respectively. Ill-will covers unskillful intentions and behaviors regarding regret, envy, and wrath, that is, hatred of one's past actions, of the fortune others have, and unchecked anger, respectively. Distorting rules and vows is a taint which causes otherwise good intentions to lead to not so good results, clouding judgement with pride. The last one, adherence to dogmatic assertions of truth, occurs when people learn, but instead of analyzing, inferring, or comprehending the meaning, it is taken at face value with only a surface level of understanding, as sloth slows down our progress.

In order to negate sloth, remind yourselves of how impermanent life is, how countless births and deaths occur in even a second. This would give you energy to overcome dull thought. To negate the distortion of rules and vows, periodically remind yourselves of what you are sure to be beneficial and true. To negate wrath, focus on good-will, feeling care and affection for one another. To negate envy, focus on the emotion of sympathetic joy, being happy when others are happy. To negate regret, maintain a balanced state of mind that neither attaches to nor pushes away thoughts. To negate covetousness, concentrate upon the concept of impermanence, considering possessions as ultimately unstable and unreliable; to remove ego, reconsider the way we understand the self by thinking of how impermanent it is, and, if you can, try resolving the Ship of Theseus paradox.

The angel returned to normal signaling that he was done.

(Sprays down Sam with the Garden Hose of Cooling Pacification)

I look as sternly at Brother Boi as one can with no head.

"See, Brother Olors understands."

"Thou shouldst spend more time in his company, than in the company of this wayward scallywag."

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

…But the Undefinables don't exist until after the events of the upcoming comic?

I had a bunch of varyingly relevant stuff typed up here, including lore bits about The Estelletons and the MacMadeths and a joke about this thread being an approximation of an unstable reality, but I accidentally lost it when I went to open Wikipedia to double check something and accidentally opened it in the tab I was typing this on. Goddammit, maybe next time, it was cool stuff, too.

I will however, retype my personal rules for multiple realities and inter-dimensional whatnot.

Separate realities and timelines can be traveled between, but if someone were to leave a reality and come return later, they can only reenter at the point in time that they left, or afterwards. Essentially making time-traveling backwards is impossible per this rule set. So even with inter-dimensional hi-jinks and so-on that the Undefinables in the NatRP Thread are very obviously capable of doing, they can't show up here, yet.

But, what the Hell, shitposts are shitposts, if anything doesn't jive with my personal timeline, I'll just declare it non-canon anyways.

Well, considering I'm just winging it with these updates and only linking them to the previous others, we can treat this whole thing as a spin-off of sorts.

The content is primarily bits and pieces of ideas I pick up during the week which I then just slap together any old how to keep the thread active whilst you work on your comic.

I'm generally surprised you've managed to keep a straight face so far considering what has been happening to your OC self over the last couple of updates.

Soup King wrote:

Well, considering I'm just winging it with these updates and only linking them to the previous others, we can treat this whole thing as a spin-off of sorts.

The content is primarily bits and pieces of ideas I pick up during the week which I then just slap together any old how to keep the thread active whilst you work on your comic.

I'm generally surprised you've managed to keep a straight face so far considering what has been happening to your OC self over the last couple of updates.

Eh, I guess that's the difference between us: you wing it, I come up with bizarre plans and plots on the spot.

To try my hand at ultra-non-canon shitposting:

Blütgrindor is suppressing an insurrection from Ryomake (Undefined Ryoma), Hinokaizen (Undefined Hinoka AKA the red-haired woman), Rekkatakumi (Undefined Takumi) and their few remaining loyal retainers. Kitty Hawk has been sent to monitor her performance and devise a system to reduce the incidence of betrayal from these repeat offenders. She has finally slaughtered her way to the throne room of their makeshift fortress and dispatched the large and powerful, but purposely fragile and crumbling Ryomake and the humiliatingly small and weak Rekkatakumi, only two traitors stood between her and Hinokaizen. The first one narrowly missed with two explosive shuriken and then tried to detonate himself in a desperate bid to end Blütgrindor, being immune to such meek attempts at killing, Blütgrindor simply grabbed the greatly weakened traitor by the chin and tore his head and spine from his shoulders with wires and cables sparking as they snapped and then flung it at the other traitor. Despite being flung with enough force to shatter every bone in a person's body upon impact, the disembodied head only bounced harmlessly off of the second traitor's breastplate. The traitor Undefinable merely stood with an angered expression on her red-striped face while she waved a massive Kanabo in the air while exclaiming:

"Your swords shall snap on my armor, scum! I have the skin of a dragon! I am divinely shielded! Nothing you do will break me!" She said while smoky fire bellowed from a pair of exhaust tubes on her back.

The dummy thicc conqueror laughed. "You are wrong."

Carmilla, two other Wyvern Undefinables and the garishly-colored Undefinable suddenly appeared and began swarming the traitor. The traitor initially threw them off of her with ease, but slowly they began to hack bits and pieces from her body until she had the subtlest quiver in her gait. Blütgrindor signaled for her subordinates to fall back and then spread her arms to her side in a challenging gesture.

"Surely we should solve this matter with our fists?" Blütgrindor slyly quipped to the traitor, who had begun charging towards her, Kanabo ready to be swung.

In that very instance the golden-teethed trim at the top Blütgrindor's breastplate sprang open like a bear trap and her cannon extended out and fired a single shot of violet lightning, hitting the traitor in the armpit. The charging fighter stopped in her tracks and her face of rage suddenly changed to a scream of fear as flame sprung from each of her joints and gaps and burst from her mouth, followed by an explosion erupting from her back that tore a gaping hole all the way down to her core. She immediately collapsed to the ground and the glow of her mechanical eyes went dim with smoke gushing from her husk, face frozen in the frightened facial expression it was as she combusted.

Hinokaizen swooped through the air in her white armored pegasus form and landed in front of Blütgrindor with one of the defaced, ape-like Undefinables by her side. Blütgrindor stopped before them and smirked.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to come… sister!" Blütgrindor said with a smugness radiating from her words.

"Do not call me that… ever…" Hinokaizen angrily groaned.

"Don't you know…" Blütgrindor said as music began to play form nowhere. The warlord opened her mouth and began to sing:

"When I retaliate, you're gonna know"
"The mourning of sweet revenge"
"Pain and suffering will come to those when I get even it's such a"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge!!!"

Hinokaizen made a disgust face at the events before her. "Stop with this mockery right now yo-" She was cut off.

"I bet they won't stop til I quit, I bet they won't leave til I go"
"Ain't gonna hurt me a bit, one monkey won't stop the show"
"I've been through dirt and sand, traveled to foreign lands"
"Been to hell and come back, I ain't gonna go there again"
"Why they wanna cause me to trip, why"
"They wanna see me take a fall"
"They wanna get something for nothing,"
"Wanna see me jumping and running"

Kitty ran up and shouted a cheer to the warlord:

"Yeah! Give 'em the 'ol Cornell technique!"

Blütgrindor stopped, looked at Kitty, gestured at Hinokaizen and said: "What, her?" Then her dancing shifted to become even more mocking than it was before as she sang different lyrics:

"Oh, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"I said no, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"I said no, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"I said no, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of, part of, part of me"

She then turned around to the silver-armored traitor who was a hybrid of enraged and confused and locked eyes with her.

"Where in the world you gonna go?"
"Who in the world you gonna hold?"
"When all the world keeps holding on to ground zero"
"We'll end it all with war, ah"

Hinokaizen's rage overran her psyche and she immediately entered a grapple with Blütgrindor and the two tumbled and writhed along the ground until Blütgrindor's skeletal hands proved their usefulness by contorting into a totally unnatural shape and plunging straight into Hinokaizen's gut. Blütgrindor pulled her arm from the traitor's abdomen and held her sputtering mechanical heart in front of her face before crushing it, upon which Hinokaizen fell to the ground muttering something beneath her breath:

"This… isn't over… yet…" And her eyes went black and her straining limbs went limp.

"You handled that one pretty damn good if I say so myself!" Kitty Hawk complimented.

"It's time we returned to base with our report, my generals can clean up here." Blütgrindor said as she transformed into her dragon form and ascended towards the sunset. Kitty Hawk caught up with her in her YF-23 and the two soared home into the sunset, leaving a thundering sonic boom behind them.

Never Far Away by Chris Cornell plays as the scene fades to credits.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

Eh, I guess that's the difference between us: you wing it, I come up with bizarre plans and plots on the spot.

To try my hand at ultra-non-canon shitposting:

Blütgrindor is suppressing an insurrection from Ryomake (Undefined Ryoma), Hinokaizen (Undefined Hinoka AKA the red-haired woman), Rekkatakumi (Undefined Takumi) and their few remaining loyal retainers. Kitty Hawk has been sent to monitor her performance and devise a system to reduce the incidence of betrayal from these repeat offenders. She has finally slaughtered her way to the throne room of their makeshift fortress and dispatched the large and powerful, but purposely fragile and crumbling Ryomake and the humiliatingly small and weak Rekkatakumi, only two traitors stood between her and Hinokaizen. The first one narrowly missed with two explosive shuriken and then tried to detonate himself in a desperate bid to end Blütgrindor, being immune to such meek attempts at killing, Blütgrindor simply grabbed the greatly weakened traitor by the chin and tore his head and spine from his shoulders with wires and cables sparking as they snapped and then flung it at the other traitor. Despite being flung with enough force to shatter every bone in a person's body upon impact, the disembodied head only bounced harmlessly off of the second traitor's breastplate. The traitor Undefinable merely stood with an angered expression on her red-striped face while she waved a massive Kanabo in the air while exclaiming:

"Your swords shall snap on my armor, scum! I have the skin of a dragon! I am divinely shielded! Nothing you do will break me!" She said while smoky fire bellowed from a pair of exhaust tubes on her back.

The dummy thicc conqueror laughed. "You are wrong."

Carmilla, two other Wyvern Undefinables and the garishly-colored Undefinable suddenly appeared and began swarming the traitor. The traitor initially threw them off of her with ease, but slowly they began to hack bits and pieces from her body until she had the subtlest quiver in her gait. Blütgrindor signaled for her subordinates to fall back and then spread her arms to her side in a challenging gesture.

"Surely we should solve this matter with our fists?" Blütgrindor slyly quipped to the traitor, who had begun charging towards her, Kanabo ready to be swung.

In that very instance the golden-teethed trim at the top Blütgrindor's breastplate sprang open like a bear trap and her cannon extended out and fired a single shot of violet lightning, hitting the traitor in the armpit. The charging fighter stopped in her tracks and her face of rage suddenly changed to a scream of fear as flame sprung from each of her joints and gaps and burst from her mouth, followed by an explosion erupting from her back that tore a gaping hole all the way down to her core. She immediately collapsed to the ground and the glow of her mechanical eyes went dim with smoke gushing from her husk, face frozen in the frightened facial expression it was as she combusted.

Hinokaizen swooped through the air in her white armored pegasus form and landed in front of Blütgrindor with one of the defaced, ape-like Undefinables by her side. Blütgrindor stopped before them and smirked.

"I was beginning to wonder if you were ever going to come… sister!" Blütgrindor said with a smugness radiating from her words.

"Do not call me that… ever…" Hinokaizen angrily groaned.

"Don't you know…" Blütgrindor said as music began to play form nowhere. The warlord opened her mouth and began to sing:

"When I retaliate, you're gonna know"
"The mourning of sweet revenge"
"Pain and suffering will come to those when I get even it's such a"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge"
"Sweeeeeeeeeeeeeeet revenge!!!"

Hinokaizen made a disgust face at the events before her. "Stop with this mockery right now yo-" She was cut off.

"I bet they won't stop til I quit, I bet they won't leave til I go"
"Ain't gonna hurt me a bit, one monkey won't stop the show"
"I've been through dirt and sand, traveled to foreign lands"
"Been to hell and come back, I ain't gonna go there again"
"Why they wanna cause me to trip, why"
"They wanna see me take a fall"
"They wanna get something for nothing,"
"Wanna see me jumping and running"

Kitty ran up and shouted a cheer to the warlord:

"Yeah! Give 'em the 'ol Cornell technique!"

Blütgrindor stopped, looked at Kitty, gestured at Hinokaizen and said: "What, her?" Then her dancing shifted to become even more mocking than it was before as she sang different lyrics:

"Oh, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"I said no, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"I said no, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"I said no, that bitch ain't a part of me"
"No, that bitch ain't a part of, part of, part of me"

She then turned around to the silver-armored traitor who was a hybrid of enraged and confused and locked eyes with her.

"Where in the world you gonna go?"
"Who in the world you gonna hold?"
"When all the world keeps holding on to ground zero"
"We'll end it all with war, ah"

Hinokaizen's rage overran her psyche and she immediately entered a grapple with Blütgrindor and the two tumbled and writhed along the ground until Blütgrindor's skeletal hands proved their usefulness by contorting into a totally unnatural shape and plunging straight into Hinokaizen's gut. Blütgrindor pulled her arm from the traitor's abdomen and held her sputtering mechanical heart in front of her face before crushing it, upon which Hinokaizen fell to the ground muttering something beneath her breath:

"This… isn't over… yet…" And her eyes went black and her straining limbs went limp.

"You handled that one pretty damn good if I say so myself!" Kitty Hawk complimented.

"It's time we returned to base with our report, my generals can clean up here." Blütgrindor said as she transformed into her dragon form and ascended towards the sunset. Kitty Hawk caught up with her in her YF-23 and the two soared home into the sunset, leaving a thundering sonic boom behind them.

Never Far Away by Chris Cornell plays as the scene fades to credits.

After the credits finished rolling, the scene fades into a dilapidated and abandoned laboratory where the sounds of hammers rhythmically pounding can be heard.

"Accursed Machines!" bellowed out Hinokaizen "I freed you from your cage with your promise of assured victory over that blasted traitor and her minions."

A pair of staticky voices seemingly in discord with everything around them crackled around the room..

"But victory was assured, Number 56."

"We cannot help it if they were defective, Number 82"

"A poor worker always blames their tools, Number 56."

"Indeed, Number 82, indeed."

A pained mechanical roar of rage filled the room.

"Damn you. Everyone is dead because of you and your stupid modifications."

The distorted voices started giggling, which reverbed around the room into a deafening cacophony of madness.

"They cannot be killed, Number 82."

"Not in any way that matters, Number 56"

"It wouldn't be science if it worked perfectly on the first try, Number 82."

"That is absolutely correct, Number 56."

A thrashing sound can be heard, with the loose items rocking about and the cupboard doors rattling. The sound of a glass bottle falling off the side and smashing can be heard.

"I am not your plaything" Howled Hinokaizen "I am Hinokaizen, the First Born! I am the Queen of th-"

Her cry was cut short, but her muffled protests could be heard.

Just the one voice spoke now, and it does so in a stage whisper.

"Hush now, Ms Hinokaizen. The time for talking is over."

The scene fades out to the sound of sawing, distorted laughter and muffled screams.

Soup King wrote:

After the credits finished rolling, the scene fades into a dilapidated and abandoned laboratory where the sounds of hammers rhythmically pounding can be heard.

"Accursed Machines!" bellowed out Hinokaizen "I freed you from your cage with your promise of assured victory over that blasted traitor and her minions."

A pair of staticky voices seemingly in discord with everything around them crackled around the room..

"But victory was assured, Number 56."

"We cannot help it if they were defective, Number 82"

"A poor worker always blames their tools, Number 56."

"Indeed, Number 82, indeed."

A pained mechanical roar of rage filled the room.

"Damn you. Everyone is dead because of you and your stupid modifications."

The distorted voices started giggling, which reverbed around the room into a deafening cacophony of madness.

"They cannot be killed, Number 82."

"Not in any way that matters, Number 56"

"It wouldn't be science if it worked perfectly on the first try, Number 82."

"That is absolutely correct, Number 56."

A thrashing sound can be heard, with the loose items rocking about and the cupboard doors rattling. The sound of a glass bottle falling off the side and smashing can be heard.

"I am not your plaything" Howled Hinokaizen "I am Hinokaizen, the First Born! I am the Queen of th-"

Her cry was cut short, but her muffled protests could be heard.

Just the one voice spoke now, and it does so in a stage whisper.

"Hush now, Ms Hinokaizen. The time for talking is over."

The scene fades out to the sound of sawing, distorted laughter and muffled screams.

  • Hinoka was the second-born of the Hoshidan royals in Fates.

Also, Undefinable Revelation is used to them deserting and trying to build an army in an attempt to kill the rest and return home, they usually just smash them apart, collect all the pieces, bring them back to base and torture the offenders into submission for another century or two. As to why Blütgrindor keeps bringing them back, not only does she prefer to have a meat, err metal shield or two, but much like Blütgrindor herself, beating the absolute shit out of them never gets old.

Also, the traitor Undefinables would still regard the Circle Cult as insane cultists and wouldn't ally with them, but this is non-canon shitposting, so ok.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

  • Hinoka was the second-born of the Hoshidan royals in Fates.

Also, Undefinable Revelation is used to them deserting and trying to build an army in an attempt to kill the rest and return home, they usually just smash them apart, collect all the pieces, bring them back to base and torture the offenders into submission for another century or two. As to why Blütgrindor keeps bringing them back, not only does she prefer to have a meat, err metal shield or two, but much like Blütgrindor herself, beating the absolute shit out of them never gets old.

Also, the traitor Undefinables would still regard the Circle Cult as insane cultists and wouldn't ally with them, but this is non-canon shitposting, so ok.

”I've never played Fates, so I'm just going for style points.”

Number 56 and Number 82 aren't Circle Cultists, they are deranged, eldritch monsters we keep locked up in the basement.

Due to having pure mechanical minds and running on the purest of logic; no one really understands them or what they do. But somehow, they are able to alter and change the world around them through non-magical means.

Almost as if their very world was a simulation being run by a group of lunatics with a bunch of free time on their hands!

Because of that, they don't really have a side per say.

They just sort of wander about the place, interacting with things that catch their attention and doing anything that they come up with, with those terrifyingly sane minds of theirs.

You do not want to catch their attention.

I'll leave it up to you to decide what they do with the battered remains of the Undefinable Traitors they managed to sneak away from the battlefield.

You seem to be much better at coming up with horrific fates than I am.

”I think we may have accidently created an episode of the X-files.”

Last edited Sep 02, 2021 at 09:03AM EDT

Quiet_boi wrote:

I'm starting to wish to be able to have a serious conversation with 56 & 82, but I know how much of a bad idea that is so, nope, thanks.

I think he meant time in my company.

Soup King wrote:

”I've never played Fates, so I'm just going for style points.”

Number 56 and Number 82 aren't Circle Cultists, they are deranged, eldritch monsters we keep locked up in the basement.

Due to having pure mechanical minds and running on the purest of logic; no one really understands them or what they do. But somehow, they are able to alter and change the world around them through non-magical means.

Almost as if their very world was a simulation being run by a group of lunatics with a bunch of free time on their hands!

Because of that, they don't really have a side per say.

They just sort of wander about the place, interacting with things that catch their attention and doing anything that they come up with, with those terrifyingly sane minds of theirs.

You do not want to catch their attention.

I'll leave it up to you to decide what they do with the battered remains of the Undefinable Traitors they managed to sneak away from the battlefield.

You seem to be much better at coming up with horrific fates than I am.

”I think we may have accidently created an episode of the X-files.”

I know the X-Files had some seriously metal shit in it, but I don't remember the episode where 7-foot-tall shapeshifting robots from another reality appeared and had a civil war between the two distinct factions that are "DnD LARPers" and "Edo Period weebs."

Of more shitpost ideas:

-Blütgrindor wearing a T-shirt reading "Infernal Lust" while standing next to Rhajamaut/Rhajat.
-Blütgrindor is introduced to Pink Guy's rap albums by Hera Smithson, Blütgrindor then takes the lyrics of his music seriously and develops a deep respect for what she misinterprets to be a legitimate line of philosophy.
-Blütgrindor finds Kitty Hawk's 3DS, which contains a copy of Fire Emblem Fates. Blütgrindor then falls down a staircase, breaking one of her arms off, while sad Randy Newman music plays in the background. Her morale is restored the usual way: by Rhajamaut and every non-traitor man in Undefinable Revelation.
-Kitty Hawk and The MacMadeth twins' fathers get into a competitive rivalry due to both of them being Billionaires that run corporations in almost every industry and thus trying to out-Billionaire the other. The end result is that they settle their differences by forcing their daughters to enter a guitar solo duel.
-Shirley and Kitty befriend an easily angered Grocery Store stocker named Scarlette Bolide who's prone to getting into street brawls with people for believing in Environmentalism. They almost successfully teach her to resort to playing death metal and rapping instead of violence to convey her opinions, but Immundusia appears and declares Scarlette her new chosen champion and sends her to kill an off-brand Captain Planet which she does so successfully via sheer rage.
-Sharla needs to replace the engine in her truck, but her engine crane is broken. J. lifts it with her bare hands instead.
-Curly tries to convince Shirley to wear not just pants, but shorts. Disaster ensues.
-Girly tries to dye the ocean pink for International Women's day, but nearly gets arrested by the EPA until Scarlette appears and declares war on them.
-Castiellea starts a designer fashion and interior design company as part of her facade as a fashion-obsessed rich youth. Everything is absolutely normal until she hires a graphic designer fresh out college who seems to misread her fake persona in an unusual way. (OK, I'm probably the only one that's going to get the joke here because it's something referencing things not posted.)
-Azraela gets into a fist fight with some Germanic Neopagans solely because she claimed to be "the peak of Nordic evolution" while also being named after the Jewish angel of death.
-Amelie tries to get Azraela to develop some political opinions that aren't from /pol/ by hanging out with normal people. This instead results in Azraela insulting everyone on some sort of ancestral grounds except for Lucy & Jenna, who she tries to become friends with, only for them to tell her: "My great-grandparents shaved and beat Socialist brats like you in the streets of Paris." Amelie was traumatized by the entire ordeal and further convinced that her sister can't be helped.
-Shirley finally upgrades to Windows XP on her IBM Thinkpad.
-Blütgrindor meets Azraela and the two find much in common with each other and nearly become good friends, but Azraela, mistaken about certain opinions of Blütgrindor's, desperately tries to hide the visit her and Amelia receive from their Japanese sister, Aiko. Blütgrindor discovers this and tells Azraela that she doesn't mind Aiko and introduces them to Rhajamaut. Azraela then rejects and disavows Blütgrindor for being in an interracial relationship with an Asian woman.
-An 80's styled cartoon intro featuring Blütgrindor and Undefinable Revelation fighting Hinokaizen and the other traitors plays and is followed by a 20-minute episode where everyone looks like a cheap blocky toy and every frame of is filled to the brim with coloring and layering errors. It then changes to a 90's-era TV-quality 3D Computer animation intro. Another 20-minute episode plays in the 3D style where everyone is unusually glossy and shiny and Blütgrindor keeps saying "Yeessss…" whenever anything happens. A Live-Action reboot movie is made with the Undefinables being technically impressive CGI special effects and buildings and cars exploding every 5 seconds, the movie gets hated and insulted by a crowd of Undefinable Revelation fans.
-Hera Smithson teaches a class about what to do when some gangsta's dissin' ya fly-girl.
-Cross-dimensional chaos occurs and Universe-4 Azraela meets the much more happy and successful Universe-1 Azraela, upon learning that her alternate self rejects ultra-nationalism and other beliefs U-4 Azraela holds, she begins panicking and calling U-1 Azraela a "CIA body double sent to replace her so she can't reassert German superiority." U-1 Azraela then openly inquires as to how U-4 Azraela became how she is and leaves, embarrassed that there's an alternate universe where she's a /pol/-browsing NEET.
-A forest spirit tries to stop the logging of it's forest, which has been designated for being turned into a neighborhood. The forest spirit attacks the loggers by possessing the wildlife, but is stopped by Scarlette via her new Anti-Nature powers granted to her by Immundusia that she uses by playing death metal music. The forest spirit goes to duel Scarlette one-on-one, with the latter asserting that people are more important and that the forest's demolition is a good thing because it will give people homes. The forest spirit then muses about the trees being sacred and technology being evil, to which Scarlette laughs off before obliterating the forest spirit with a beam of concentrated gamma rays while loudly and flatly responding "No."
-Shirley tries to hang out with Kitty, but Kitty tells her that she's busy all day. Curly tells Shirley that Kitty probably thinks that she's too old fashioned and doesn't want to be friends anymore while also trying to convince Shirley that 50 Shades of Gray is the pinnacle of literature. Shirley desperately tries to find Kitty and make sure they're still friends only to find out that Kitty is attending her older sister's wedding. Kitty hears about why Shirley was overly concerned and uses her father's wealth to buy every billboard in the county and uses them to strongly imply sordid things about Curly.
-Shirley tries to get Blütgrindor to wear pants, or anything else that would cover her thighs and gluteal region. Disaster ensues.
-Everyone acknowledges that this will be the last idea in this post and desperately tries to get me to keep typing up shitpost ideas. It's all for not because I stop typing right here.

Status Update:

We're going to be uncles!

So, we've finally found out what they've been up to in there.

After trying many, many, many times, Kaijin and his girls were finally able to conceive.

Naturally we're very excited about this and, for the safety of the unborn children, have bolted our more unstable members down in the basement until the birth is complete.

It is true what they say and Kaijin does appear to have a very healthy glow to him, although the swelling does look quite uncomfortable.

I have been told this should go down once he lays his eggs and I'm sure the girls will be responsible fathers and help Kaijin with his brooding period and feeding the children once they hatch.

Borther Boi, Intern Sam and Brother Olors have been telling me that this is not the natural way that humans procreate, but I think the evidence speaks for itself.

We've had a chat among ourselves and we have come to the conclusion that it is customary for relatives and close friends to provide gifts and care for those that are pregnant; so we will endeavour to travel across space and time to provide Kaijin with the finest straw for his nest and cleaning it out on a bi-daily basis.

  • >MFW First part.

"What the- how did you know about my impregnation>pregnancy>parenthood fetish?!?!?!?!?!"

  • >MFW Second part.

WTF, man?

Not even I'm degenerate enough for Mpreg.

I don't like where this thread is going anymore!

Is this a ploy to get me to finish the comic faster so you can stop posting this stuff to bump the thread?

Last edited Sep 07, 2021 at 01:23PM EDT

(I think it is.)
(And if you think that was weird, imagine how strange it is for beings unfamiliar with regular non-spontaneous births.)


I set off to find the straw. Due to the high quality requested, I decide to visit the Heaven of Beings Delighting in Their Creations.

This will be an interesting thing to order…

Upon arrival, we greet each other, and the conversation reaches the point as to why I was there.

“Do you need us to make anything?”

I was asked to get the finest straw I could find for a nest.

“What does the nest hold?”

Um..
Human eggs.

They gave me a puzzled look.

“What do you speak of? Humans don’t lay eggs.”

That was what I thought too.
But their technology has progressed at a dizzying pace, has it not?

“We are aware. It’s why they don’t ask us to make things for them.”
“mostly..”
“Yes, mostly.”

“Anyways, do you know the person who laid the eggs?”

Indeed I do! His name is Kaijin.

“His? You mean to tell me…”
“They invented mpreg?”

Not exactly, since the children came from the eggs.

“But why though?”

Best not to speculate on it too deeply.

After producing enough straw, they gave several spools of it.

“Will this suffice?”

Yes! Thank you, they will love this.

I return to give the straw. The straw is the color of gold. The density is high enough to not be blown by the wind and low enough to comfortably sift around. It’s as fine as silk, and the texture is also similar. It is also a great insulator, and was still warm when received. The straw has the normal flexibility, but with the added effect of straightening out when untouched for long enough. The straw is hydrophobic, which will make the cleaning job easier. If the children inadvertently consume the material, they would safely sweat it out.

Last edited Sep 07, 2021 at 02:11PM EDT

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

  • >MFW First part.

"What the- how did you know about my impregnation>pregnancy>parenthood fetish?!?!?!?!?!"

  • >MFW Second part.

WTF, man?

Not even I'm degenerate enough for Mpreg.

I don't like where this thread is going anymore!

Is this a ploy to get me to finish the comic faster so you can stop posting this stuff to bump the thread?

Our cover has been blown!
Retreat!

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

  • >MFW First part.

"What the- how did you know about my impregnation>pregnancy>parenthood fetish?!?!?!?!?!"

  • >MFW Second part.

WTF, man?

Not even I'm degenerate enough for Mpreg.

I don't like where this thread is going anymore!

Is this a ploy to get me to finish the comic faster so you can stop posting this stuff to bump the thread?

I mean, you've been trapped in a sex dungeon for the last two-three weeks and you didn't call me out on it.

You left me no choice.

What direction was I suppose to take it in after such a long period of:



Thankfully I'm currently out of ideas, so you'd better start working faster before the scuttling of non-canonical little feet fill the Church of Shirley.

Also, it, er, may not be Mpreg.

You know how I threatened you with a penis joke…

And how your OC self never reveals their face…

And the, er, possible tampering of your water supply for hypothetical gits and shiggles…

So, um, yeah. There may have been a series of unfortunate events that have led us to this point.

Soup King wrote:

I mean, you've been trapped in a sex dungeon for the last two-three weeks and you didn't call me out on it.

You left me no choice.

What direction was I suppose to take it in after such a long period of:



Thankfully I'm currently out of ideas, so you'd better start working faster before the scuttling of non-canonical little feet fill the Church of Shirley.

Also, it, er, may not be Mpreg.

You know how I threatened you with a penis joke…

And how your OC self never reveals their face…

And the, er, possible tampering of your water supply for hypothetical gits and shiggles…

So, um, yeah. There may have been a series of unfortunate events that have led us to this point.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(It's ok, I can fix it. I have the bullshit plot device technology!)

In the darkest depths of his turbulent dreams, where sordid thoughts flitter through dilapidated halls, mixed in with the wails of hopeless laughter and shrieks of tormented rage, banging away like drums in the deep, he hears it still.

"I'm sorry, I wasn't expecting Friday to be this freaky!"

Kaijin woke up panting heavily, his mask tightly grasping his hot, sweaty face.

The last thing he remembers is flailing through the air like a majestic jellyfish and the girls kicking the shit out of Soup King before travelling through a portal.

He didn't know who he was.

He didn't know why he was here.

All he knew is that he must run.

(You better do a better job at evading the girls this time, mister, or we'll be right back to where we started.)

So, as some of you may already know, I assumed this form late 2019. Did anything major happen since then? Did any world wars/something bigger occur? Did the billions of humans experience fuel, water, or even food shortages? Or did a disease out-break and spread globally? How deep into space has humanity reached? And why does this dimension’s version of Heaven have less Christians than the one I departed?
Forgive me for being out of the loop, for I wasn’t even part of this dimension until recently, so I would greatly appreciate you telling me what year, or at least what century we are in.

Last edited Sep 09, 2021 at 07:26AM EDT

olors64 wrote:

So, as some of you may already know, I assumed this form late 2019. Did anything major happen since then? Did any world wars/something bigger occur? Did the billions of humans experience fuel, water, or even food shortages? Or did a disease out-break and spread globally? How deep into space has humanity reached? And why does this dimension’s version of Heaven have less Christians than the one I departed?
Forgive me for being out of the loop, for I wasn’t even part of this dimension until recently, so I would greatly appreciate you telling me what year, or at least what century we are in.

…I was thinking of having Central-North-USA/Central-South-Canada get obliterated by a meteor impact, causing it to turn into a giant lake/small sea so as to explain why with the map I made earlier, the Ocean's to the North and why there's a desert right next to an ordinary green grassy plains and mountain forests. I might not do it, though and just say that the city's nowhere in specific. I don't think the others care about worldbuilding as much as sheer insanity and chaos, this is a shitpost thread after all.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

…I was thinking of having Central-North-USA/Central-South-Canada get obliterated by a meteor impact, causing it to turn into a giant lake/small sea so as to explain why with the map I made earlier, the Ocean's to the North and why there's a desert right next to an ordinary green grassy plains and mountain forests. I might not do it, though and just say that the city's nowhere in specific. I don't think the others care about worldbuilding as much as sheer insanity and chaos, this is a shitpost thread after all.

(I figured, though having a timeframe for reference for the craziness would be great. Nothing too detailed, just an overview of major events that happened.
The question about disease was a hint about my character’s unawareness of how 2020 transpired, much less the years after.
He can already see the planet from a birds-eye view, so my character would know about that but not bother mentioning it.)

Last edited Sep 09, 2021 at 01:17PM EDT

olors64 wrote:

So, as some of you may already know, I assumed this form late 2019. Did anything major happen since then? Did any world wars/something bigger occur? Did the billions of humans experience fuel, water, or even food shortages? Or did a disease out-break and spread globally? How deep into space has humanity reached? And why does this dimension’s version of Heaven have less Christians than the one I departed?
Forgive me for being out of the loop, for I wasn’t even part of this dimension until recently, so I would greatly appreciate you telling me what year, or at least what century we are in.

>Did anything major happen since then?

Well since the year is currently…er.

(The collective huddle together and binary buzzing can be heard)

Most likely 2456, a fair few things have happened since then.

>Did any world wars/something bigger occur?

Not since we eradicated Belgium.

>Did the billions of humans experience fuel, water, or even food shortages?

There was, but the problem sorted itself out fairly quickly,

>Or did a disease out-break and spread globally?

There was a plague of Hyper-Diarrhoea back in 2030 which was traced back to a Fish and Chip shop in Nottingham.

That was nasty.

We are currently experiencing The Trappening.

(Rubs dented helmet)

But that's being perpetuated artificially out of spite, so it should be ending fairly soon.

>How deep into space has humanity reached?

Purposefully?

Human kind has stable colonies on Venus, Mars and a few of Saturn's moons.

Accidently?

Due to various whoopsies, of which I am only partially involved in, there's humans all over the shop.

Like, I wouldn't be surprised if you were to lift up the floorboards in the Hall of the Greater Gods and found a human civilisation that had been living there since 2052.

Not that I would know of anything about that.

>And why does this dimension’s version of Heaven have less Christians than the one I departed?

Turns out the Jehovah's Witnesses were correct, and that there are only a limited number of places in Heaven.

Thankfully the Cult of the Circle and the Church of Shirley rounded up and hogtied gently guided these good lost souls into the loving embrace of our own deities; so they did go to heaven in the end. just not the one they were hoping for.

Last edited Sep 09, 2021 at 05:19PM EDT

Soup King wrote:

>Did anything major happen since then?

Well since the year is currently…er.

(The collective huddle together and binary buzzing can be heard)

Most likely 2456, a fair few things have happened since then.

>Did any world wars/something bigger occur?

Not since we eradicated Belgium.

>Did the billions of humans experience fuel, water, or even food shortages?

There was, but the problem sorted itself out fairly quickly,

>Or did a disease out-break and spread globally?

There was a plague of Hyper-Diarrhoea back in 2030 which was traced back to a Fish and Chip shop in Nottingham.

That was nasty.

We are currently experiencing The Trappening.

(Rubs dented helmet)

But that's being perpetuated artificially out of spite, so it should be ending fairly soon.

>How deep into space has humanity reached?

Purposefully?

Human kind has stable colonies on Venus, Mars and a few of Saturn's moons.

Accidently?

Due to various whoopsies, of which I am only partially involved in, there's humans all over the shop.

Like, I wouldn't be surprised if you were to lift up the floorboards in the Hall of the Greater Gods and found a human civilisation that had been living there since 2052.

Not that I would know of anything about that.

>And why does this dimension’s version of Heaven have less Christians than the one I departed?

Turns out the Jehovah's Witnesses were correct, and that there are only a limited number of places in Heaven.

Thankfully the Cult of the Circle and the Church of Shirley rounded up and hogtied gently guided these good lost souls into the loving embrace of our own deities; so they did go to heaven in the end. just not the one they were hoping for.

The angel breathes a sigh of relief.
Good, I was worried I went over a millennium into a future.

Guess Belgium couldn’t bear another German invasion so they finally put the nation out of its misery.

No complaints there.

So, people can make artificial plagues now. Good thing I’m the healer of the bunch.

You mean to tell me that humans were accidentally transported to heaven, presumably still alive, and hidden? In my dimension of birth, one of the biggest taboos in the heavens were the intermingling of humans and heavenly beings. They told me that the human-angel offspring that resulted were so evil and corrupt that they had to drown the world to get rid of them and send the offending angels to hell. They also blew up a city when its depraved residents lusted for them. I’ll inform the higher ups about this later. Don’t worry, if this goes to Judgement, I’ll act as the defense attorney.


Well, my guess was that Christianity didn’t catch on like it did in my timeline and/or the scriptures were not the most well preserved body of ancient literature.
But that makes sense too.
Not the Jehovah’s Witnesses part though, as each layer of heaven below the Fine-Material Realm has more beings than there are humans. Unless you’re referring to specific zones within that refined place.

Last edited Sep 09, 2021 at 06:56PM EDT

Soup King wrote:

>Did anything major happen since then?

Well since the year is currently…er.

(The collective huddle together and binary buzzing can be heard)

Most likely 2456, a fair few things have happened since then.

>Did any world wars/something bigger occur?

Not since we eradicated Belgium.

>Did the billions of humans experience fuel, water, or even food shortages?

There was, but the problem sorted itself out fairly quickly,

>Or did a disease out-break and spread globally?

There was a plague of Hyper-Diarrhoea back in 2030 which was traced back to a Fish and Chip shop in Nottingham.

That was nasty.

We are currently experiencing The Trappening.

(Rubs dented helmet)

But that's being perpetuated artificially out of spite, so it should be ending fairly soon.

>How deep into space has humanity reached?

Purposefully?

Human kind has stable colonies on Venus, Mars and a few of Saturn's moons.

Accidently?

Due to various whoopsies, of which I am only partially involved in, there's humans all over the shop.

Like, I wouldn't be surprised if you were to lift up the floorboards in the Hall of the Greater Gods and found a human civilisation that had been living there since 2052.

Not that I would know of anything about that.

>And why does this dimension’s version of Heaven have less Christians than the one I departed?

Turns out the Jehovah's Witnesses were correct, and that there are only a limited number of places in Heaven.

Thankfully the Cult of the Circle and the Church of Shirley rounded up and hogtied gently guided these good lost souls into the loving embrace of our own deities; so they did go to heaven in the end. just not the one they were hoping for.

Aww… I wanted it to take place in a mostly realistic 2007, maybe a slightly altered 2007.

…Well, besides everything that's happened in this thread realistic 2007.

I just like 2007.

An argument can be made for 2014 or earlier, though. 2015 or later, however, is right out!

Also, please ignore any terrible anachronisms that occur as a result. Please ignore Kitty casually using a 3DS 4 years before it's release or the fact that jabs at current events may occasionally happen.

>You mean to tell me that humans were accidentally transported to heaven, presumably still alive, and hidden?

Oh God, we've literally sent people everywhere.

Turns out there's more to teleportation than just tearing a hole in the fabric of reality and jumping in.

I even once saw a man tele-frag himself.

That was pretty impressive.

Presumably, the gods whose personal realm they've travelled to would know of their presence, as it's not exactly the most…dignified of entrances, so I think it's more of a tolerance rather than an ignorance thing.

>In my dimension of birth, one of the biggest taboos in the heavens were the intermingling of humans and heavenly beings. They told me that the human-angel offspring that resulted were so evil and corrupt that they had to drown the world to get rid of them and send the offending angels to hell

Oh you don't need to worry about that.

As far as I am aware, that's not a thing here.

Then again, I am a soulless, amoral machine that worships a larger, equally amoral machine, so there's a chance that I've missed something when it comes to the Christians here.

I'll have a chat with Number 15 and the subset of the collective that are members of the CoC later and see if they come back with an answer.

>Not the Jehovah’s Witnesses part though, as each layer of heaven below the Fine-Material Realm has more beings than there are humans. Unless you’re referring to specific zones within that refined place.

So, there may, or may not, have been a contest a while ago to see which god was the best at caring for their worshippers and the Christian God might, or might not have, lost this contest and threw, or didn't throw, a temper tantrum because they were, or were not, a sore loser.

They then took, or didn't take, this out on their worshippers.

The Omnissiah may have come third in this hypothetical contest.

>Aww… I wanted it to take place in a mostly realistic 2007, maybe a slightly altered 2007.

Time is an artificial construct, there is no reason why anything can't be anywhere at anytime..

Mountains crumble, seas boil, skies burn and stars snuff out like the cinders of a dying fire.

But Swag.

Swag is Eternal.

I’m back.

As it turns out, they were surprisingly chill about it. The heavenly beings see humans the way humans see certain aquatic creatures; in other words, the mere concept grosses them out, even including the second highest heaven, the highest heavenly plane which still experiences warfare and sexual reproduction. Although this is not the case for the World of the 4 Kingdoms, but it doesn’t matter because it makes for good stories which that world is famous for.

Sorry if I keep forgetting about your lack of emotions, we’re more used to communicating with organic beings. If I mention a concept you find too abstract, tell me so I can elaborate.

Doesn’t He know that unstable emotions eject beings from the Fine-Materium? And taking it out on His followers is the spiritual equivalent of suicide?
I’m starting to think the personality of this dimension’s version of God is the foil to the one I came from. I’ll have to go back there and ask my version of Jesus to go over and give Him some therapy.
Anyways, the Omnissiah sounds familiar for some reason but I don’t remember why.


Time is only as artificial as the frameworks we use to define it. If, instead of using the “exists/not exists” approach, we use the “when this is, that is” and “when this ceases, that ceases” approach, then we would get a more accurate portrayal of time. I hope.
That’s not to say there’s no such thing as existence either.

Last edited Sep 10, 2021 at 12:04PM EDT

Ok, so I’ve spent the month giving my ++KR++ to the hell where the fighting is going on. This will reduce the spawn rate of that place, giving the other Kaijin an opportunity to escape through the portal. Consequently, we should expect to see spikes in paranormal activity.

We have (until the night right after October 1st) to prepare before the first wave. The girls should be posted wherever anyone’s died recently. DO NOT DAMAGE THE CORPSES BEFORE THEY ANIMATE. It will not stop the beings from showing up, and it may give them other powers such as invisibility and/or flight. The ones reduced to bones are faster and use ranged attacks, for example. They don’t know it yet, but they already have experience from fighting similar creatures.
Jamie will handle the invisible ones.

I will be at the CoC temple, giving the creatures who approach us food to make them docile. I will not let anyone harm those who eat of the manna. Quiet_Boi, me, Sam, and the rest of the followers, in that seating order, will eat the meals while sharing a table with them. Do not worry if there are too many at the temple, the Holey One will assist us after their numbers exceed my capabilities.

The spawn waves will continue for 30 more days and progressively get more severe until (Halloween night) when the final and most dangerous creatures show up. After that, the spawn rates drop to our present level, and the alertness level returns to normal.

Last edited Sep 11, 2021 at 06:46PM EDT

olors64 wrote:

Ok, so I’ve spent the month giving my ++KR++ to the hell where the fighting is going on. This will reduce the spawn rate of that place, giving the other Kaijin an opportunity to escape through the portal. Consequently, we should expect to see spikes in paranormal activity.

We have (until the night right after October 1st) to prepare before the first wave. The girls should be posted wherever anyone’s died recently. DO NOT DAMAGE THE CORPSES BEFORE THEY ANIMATE. It will not stop the beings from showing up, and it may give them other powers such as invisibility and/or flight. The ones reduced to bones are faster and use ranged attacks, for example. They don’t know it yet, but they already have experience from fighting similar creatures.
Jamie will handle the invisible ones.

I will be at the CoC temple, giving the creatures who approach us food to make them docile. I will not let anyone harm those who eat of the manna. Quiet_Boi, me, Sam, and the rest of the followers, in that seating order, will eat the meals while sharing a table with them. Do not worry if there are too many at the temple, the Holey One will assist us after their numbers exceed my capabilities.

The spawn waves will continue for 30 more days and progressively get more severe until (Halloween night) when the final and most dangerous creatures show up. After that, the spawn rates drop to our present level, and the alertness level returns to normal.

Olors64 arrived in Hell, but the blazing infernos, heaps of gore and cadavers and winding, macabre tunnels and corridors of non-Euclidean horror were not to be found. Instead, an empty void continued beyond infinity all around him. If Kommando_Kaijin was here, he was not anymore.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

Olors64 arrived in Hell, but the blazing infernos, heaps of gore and cadavers and winding, macabre tunnels and corridors of non-Euclidean horror were not to be found. Instead, an empty void continued beyond infinity all around him. If Kommando_Kaijin was here, he was not anymore.

Hm, he’s not here. That’s interesting, I reckon there are at least 3 possibilities for his absence.
One, he already escaped. Unless there’s are other portals I’m unaware of, or he can make portals out of there, this is unlikely.
Two, he died here and appeared in a different hell. While it is possible to be reborn in other dimensions, it typically just occurs in apocalypses, which this dimension does not yet have.
Third, he died here, spawned here, then was raised up with the other inhabitants. This could be problematic; I know the girls were trained/made for war, but if they find a creature that is all too familiar, with a personality/temperament/disposition/etc like Kaijin’s, who knows what might happen.

Last edited Sep 11, 2021 at 09:27PM EDT

olors64 wrote:

Ok, so I’ve spent the month giving my ++KR++ to the hell where the fighting is going on. This will reduce the spawn rate of that place, giving the other Kaijin an opportunity to escape through the portal. Consequently, we should expect to see spikes in paranormal activity.

We have (until the night right after October 1st) to prepare before the first wave. The girls should be posted wherever anyone’s died recently. DO NOT DAMAGE THE CORPSES BEFORE THEY ANIMATE. It will not stop the beings from showing up, and it may give them other powers such as invisibility and/or flight. The ones reduced to bones are faster and use ranged attacks, for example. They don’t know it yet, but they already have experience from fighting similar creatures.
Jamie will handle the invisible ones.

I will be at the CoC temple, giving the creatures who approach us food to make them docile. I will not let anyone harm those who eat of the manna. Quiet_Boi, me, Sam, and the rest of the followers, in that seating order, will eat the meals while sharing a table with them. Do not worry if there are too many at the temple, the Holey One will assist us after their numbers exceed my capabilities.

The spawn waves will continue for 30 more days and progressively get more severe until (Halloween night) when the final and most dangerous creatures show up. After that, the spawn rates drop to our present level, and the alertness level returns to normal.

Soup King watches the hustle and bustle with much interest. He doesn't quite understand what's got them all so excited, but is happy that everyone is seemingly getting along and having fun.

After a while, he leaves them and goes back to his office.

He quickly looks over the calendar to see what the general plans of the next few weeks are going to be and realises that it's only two weeks away from the start of October.

Suddenly he lets out a jubilant yell, jumps in the air and clicks his heels together theatrically.

"Hooray, my musical friends are coming back!"

"I best start hiding all the ear plugs now and taking all of the batteries out of the stereos, walkmans and Ipods; so that they can all appreciate them for once."

Soup King quickly strolled back out of his office to begin his quest whilst muttering to himself.

"I swear the people of this century have absolute trash taste. Good music can make your ears bleed too…"

Soup King Number 42 lay on the ground as Kaijin's girls disappeared in a soft, violet flash back to the dimension where himself and Kaijin originate from.

Sitting up, his vision staticky and joints grinding, he ran his hands over the dents in his chassis.

They were all up for fun and games, but they had gone too far this time.

In a stuttering gate, he made his way back to his office to write up his weekly report and to set in motion the disciplinary action.

Upon entering the office, he found Number 2 playing with leggo in the corner.

"Hey there little buddy, is Number 96 cleaning out your play room?"

Number 2 looked up at him with soft, blue eyes.

"Ye'"

"That's ok. Can you stay quiet for a little bit? I've got to make a phone call and write up a report."

"Okie-Dokie."

"That's my boy."

Number 42 sat down at the desk and pulled out a dark crimson coloured phone. After tapping at some unseen buttons under the desk, it rang briefly before it was answered on the other end.

"Number 326 here, biological and chemical division. How can I help? Over"

"Hello Number 326, Number 42 here. The girls have been most rude and unkind today. Would you kindly carry out Order 63 please? Over"

"Roger that, Number 42. Order 63 being initiated in T-minus five minutes. Over and out!"

Number 42 returned the phone back to its holder under its desk.

"Is Orde' 63 the willy juice?"

Number 42 let out a small sigh and turned to face Number 2 with his calm, innocent eyes staring back at him.

"Yes, although the polite term is "Targeted Mutagen"."

"I don't wanna Shirley to be a boy. Then she can come inna my clubhouse and get cooties on all my stuff."

"Don't worry buddy, it'll only be for a few days and then they'll all go back to being girls again."

"Yay. But how will you know?"

"The changes will only stay as long as they keep ingesting the mutagen and once in the water supply, it will all be flushed out in a day or two."

"Ok."

Number 2 went back to playing with his leggo and Number 42 began to write his report.

Status Update:

Disaster has struck!

I was playing Russian Folk music to Kaijin's comatose body in order to transform him from Kommando_Kaijin, the All-American Manly Man, into Komrade_Kaijinov, the Snivelling Soviet Spy, when th-

"'scuse me."

Number 42 stopped writing his report and looked back up into Number 2's inquisitive face

"You alright, little buddy?"

"If Kaijin drinks the mew-tah-gin, will he turn into a girl?"

"Oh, no. He shouldn't do. If anything, it would…enhance his masculine features."

"So Kaijin can't become a mummy then?"

"Well, if the girls are pure human, there should be no risk of that. If they have had their genetics tampered with, there may be some…unforeseen quirks."

"Like wha'?"

"Oh, minor things really, like the temporary appendage being comically large or fully prehensile. At worst, an ovipositor may develop, but I doubt they would be fer-"

Suddenly the door to the office burst open and Kaijin was standing in the doorway, panting heavily with dark patches of sweat staining his clothes.

Although invisible to the human eye, Kaijin's eyes were clearly visible to both of the robots in the room through his visor; full of fear and darting about madly.

They didn't need to see his face to know that it would be one of sheer panic and confusion.

Number 42 spoke up as carefully and as kindly as he could.

"Hey…Kaijin. You've been out for quite a while. How…how bout you just come and sit do-"

Kaiijn interrupted him by throwing his head back and letting out a terrified screech.

"EEEEEEEEGGSSSS!!!"

With that, Kaijin bolted out of the room and his horrified wailing could be heard rapidly fading as he fled through the corridors and halls of the CoC's church.

"Should…should we go and get him?"

"He didst seem very ascareded."

Far, far away in the distance, Kaijin gave another ghastly shriek.

"PEEEEEEENNNIIIISSSSS!!!"

(Can Kaijin use his premonition to last three days out in the wild and avoid a terrible fate?)

(That will be up to you guys to decide.)

Soup King wrote:

Soup King Number 42 lay on the ground as Kaijin's girls disappeared in a soft, violet flash back to the dimension where himself and Kaijin originate from.

Sitting up, his vision staticky and joints grinding, he ran his hands over the dents in his chassis.

They were all up for fun and games, but they had gone too far this time.

In a stuttering gate, he made his way back to his office to write up his weekly report and to set in motion the disciplinary action.

Upon entering the office, he found Number 2 playing with leggo in the corner.

"Hey there little buddy, is Number 96 cleaning out your play room?"

Number 2 looked up at him with soft, blue eyes.

"Ye'"

"That's ok. Can you stay quiet for a little bit? I've got to make a phone call and write up a report."

"Okie-Dokie."

"That's my boy."

Number 42 sat down at the desk and pulled out a dark crimson coloured phone. After tapping at some unseen buttons under the desk, it rang briefly before it was answered on the other end.

"Number 326 here, biological and chemical division. How can I help? Over"

"Hello Number 326, Number 42 here. The girls have been most rude and unkind today. Would you kindly carry out Order 63 please? Over"

"Roger that, Number 42. Order 63 being initiated in T-minus five minutes. Over and out!"

Number 42 returned the phone back to its holder under its desk.

"Is Orde' 63 the willy juice?"

Number 42 let out a small sigh and turned to face Number 2 with his calm, innocent eyes staring back at him.

"Yes, although the polite term is "Targeted Mutagen"."

"I don't wanna Shirley to be a boy. Then she can come inna my clubhouse and get cooties on all my stuff."

"Don't worry buddy, it'll only be for a few days and then they'll all go back to being girls again."

"Yay. But how will you know?"

"The changes will only stay as long as they keep ingesting the mutagen and once in the water supply, it will all be flushed out in a day or two."

"Ok."

Number 2 went back to playing with his leggo and Number 42 began to write his report.

Status Update:

Disaster has struck!

I was playing Russian Folk music to Kaijin's comatose body in order to transform him from Kommando_Kaijin, the All-American Manly Man, into Komrade_Kaijinov, the Snivelling Soviet Spy, when th-

"'scuse me."

Number 42 stopped writing his report and looked back up into Number 2's inquisitive face

"You alright, little buddy?"

"If Kaijin drinks the mew-tah-gin, will he turn into a girl?"

"Oh, no. He shouldn't do. If anything, it would…enhance his masculine features."

"So Kaijin can't become a mummy then?"

"Well, if the girls are pure human, there should be no risk of that. If they have had their genetics tampered with, there may be some…unforeseen quirks."

"Like wha'?"

"Oh, minor things really, like the temporary appendage being comically large or fully prehensile. At worst, an ovipositor may develop, but I doubt they would be fer-"

Suddenly the door to the office burst open and Kaijin was standing in the doorway, panting heavily with dark patches of sweat staining his clothes.

Although invisible to the human eye, Kaijin's eyes were clearly visible to both of the robots in the room through his visor; full of fear and darting about madly.

They didn't need to see his face to know that it would be one of sheer panic and confusion.

Number 42 spoke up as carefully and as kindly as he could.

"Hey…Kaijin. You've been out for quite a while. How…how bout you just come and sit do-"

Kaiijn interrupted him by throwing his head back and letting out a terrified screech.

"EEEEEEEEGGSSSS!!!"

With that, Kaijin bolted out of the room and his horrified wailing could be heard rapidly fading as he fled through the corridors and halls of the CoC's church.

"Should…should we go and get him?"

"He didst seem very ascareded."

Far, far away in the distance, Kaijin gave another ghastly shriek.

"PEEEEEEENNNIIIISSSSS!!!"

(Can Kaijin use his premonition to last three days out in the wild and avoid a terrible fate?)

(That will be up to you guys to decide.)

(I swear to Go- I mean, Shirley, if you keep putting out cursed R63 Mpreg shit, I'm going to cancel the comic and just start RPing my own thing completely separate from you freaks.)

Kommando sat in his unknown location while a not-quite-Human figure lurked next to him, it's long neck moving it's sleek, faceted head to face it's creator.

"Oh, divinely chosen Ssssupreme Leader! When shall we ssssssssstrrrrrrike those herrrrrrretical Circle Cultistssssss, that you have consistently failed to destroy, I might add!" It asked.

"We'll destroy them when I'm finished with my comic, my Obnoxiously Obtuse Opus Of Obliteration! During which you will be a completely subservient minion, like I designed you!" Kommando replied.

"Yessss ssssir!" *It replied, before continuing under it's breath: "…We'll ssssee who the rrrrrreal ssssssssssssubservient one will be…"

The figure was struck in the head with a stylus that Kommando had flung at it. It turned to him and fell to it's knees and began pleading for mercy.

"Save your pathetic whining for when those Soup-Dolts inevitably tear your spine out and smash your face apart because of how weak you are, you sniveling waste of synthetic muscle fibers! Now what is the progress on the little 'creative project' I set for you?" Kommando said as he slammed his foot into the huddle figure's back, flattening it to the ground.

"C-c-coming along perrrrrrfectly fine, sssssirrrrr!" It said as it curled it's long neck upwards to face it's superior.

"Good! Deploy her as soon as she's ready, if anything goes wrong, remember: It's because of your own infinite capacity for incompetence!" Kommando replied. "Now get out of my sight before I shoot you just to watch your guts splatter onto the walls!" He continued as he threw the figure into the hallway, it's body crashing and tumbling along the floor.

Kommando_Kaijin wrote:

(I swear to Go- I mean, Shirley, if you keep putting out cursed R63 Mpreg shit, I'm going to cancel the comic and just start RPing my own thing completely separate from you freaks.)

Kommando sat in his unknown location while a not-quite-Human figure lurked next to him, it's long neck moving it's sleek, faceted head to face it's creator.

"Oh, divinely chosen Ssssupreme Leader! When shall we ssssssssstrrrrrrike those herrrrrrretical Circle Cultistssssss, that you have consistently failed to destroy, I might add!" It asked.

"We'll destroy them when I'm finished with my comic, my Obnoxiously Obtuse Opus Of Obliteration! During which you will be a completely subservient minion, like I designed you!" Kommando replied.

"Yessss ssssir!" *It replied, before continuing under it's breath: "…We'll ssssee who the rrrrrreal ssssssssssssubservient one will be…"

The figure was struck in the head with a stylus that Kommando had flung at it. It turned to him and fell to it's knees and began pleading for mercy.

"Save your pathetic whining for when those Soup-Dolts inevitably tear your spine out and smash your face apart because of how weak you are, you sniveling waste of synthetic muscle fibers! Now what is the progress on the little 'creative project' I set for you?" Kommando said as he slammed his foot into the huddle figure's back, flattening it to the ground.

"C-c-coming along perrrrrrfectly fine, sssssirrrrr!" It said as it curled it's long neck upwards to face it's superior.

"Good! Deploy her as soon as she's ready, if anything goes wrong, remember: It's because of your own infinite capacity for incompetence!" Kommando replied. "Now get out of my sight before I shoot you just to watch your guts splatter onto the walls!" He continued as he threw the figure into the hallway, it's body crashing and tumbling along the floor.

(Reverts history to the point where it's not cannon and just a nightmare sequence.)

(Instead of using Shirley's divinity and the genetic enhancements of the main girls as a shield against the Rule 63 plague, or creating an exciting cat and mouse chase, man makes it cannon again.)

(For Go-Ciricle's sake Kaijin!)

(For the benefit of everyone, I shall make it non-cannon, at a terrible, terrible cost.)

For days after the return of Kaijin's girls, a deafening thunder rolled through the city which violently shook the windows and rattled the doors. An incapacitating miasma crept through the streets, sneaking in through the finest of cracks in buildings to violate the sacredness of home.

The epicentre of this catastrophe appears to be the Church of Shirley, with the very ground itself heaving and roiling as a thick haze of miasma clings to everything around it.

Just barely audible amidst the rapturous crash of thunder is the pained shrieks and moans of women, things more than women and that which was women no more.

"Up periscope."

The submarine's periscope raised up high above the craft and began to slowly survey the area.

"How's it looking, Soup."

"Vat did I zay…"

"How does it look, Hauptmann"

"Besser"

Soup King, donning a swanky hat and with a mahogany pipe placed haphazardly in one of his exhaust pipes slowly swivelled the periscope around whilst making notes on today's observations.

"It appears zat zings are beginning zubzide, Herr Kommando."

"Do you think I'll be able to return home soon."

"Ja, I zink zo. Down periscope."

The periscope slid silently back down into the submarine and the craft began to make it's slow, careful way back to port.

"Er, Soup"

"Ah, ah, ah."

"I mean, Hauptmann"

"Ja."

"This…this is a submarine, right?"

"Of corze! Vy else vould I speak in zis ridiculous aczent!"

"But…it has tracks. We've literally driven down the street from your house. Why couldn't we have used a more practical vehicle?"

A loud metallic clang reverbs and bounces across the submarine as Soup King violently swivels the periscope around, catching Kaijin on the back of his head.

"Do not azk zuch idiotisch questions!"

Last edited Sep 15, 2021 at 07:32AM EDT

Soup King wrote:

(Reverts history to the point where it's not cannon and just a nightmare sequence.)

(Instead of using Shirley's divinity and the genetic enhancements of the main girls as a shield against the Rule 63 plague, or creating an exciting cat and mouse chase, man makes it cannon again.)

(For Go-Ciricle's sake Kaijin!)

(For the benefit of everyone, I shall make it non-cannon, at a terrible, terrible cost.)

For days after the return of Kaijin's girls, a deafening thunder rolled through the city which violently shook the windows and rattled the doors. An incapacitating miasma crept through the streets, sneaking in through the finest of cracks in buildings to violate the sacredness of home.

The epicentre of this catastrophe appears to be the Church of Shirley, with the very ground itself heaving and roiling as a thick haze of miasma clings to everything around it.

Just barely audible amidst the rapturous crash of thunder is the pained shrieks and moans of women, things more than women and that which was women no more.

"Up periscope."

The submarine's periscope raised up high above the craft and began to slowly survey the area.

"How's it looking, Soup."

"Vat did I zay…"

"How does it look, Hauptmann"

"Besser"

Soup King, donning a swanky hat and with a mahogany pipe placed haphazardly in one of his exhaust pipes slowly swivelled the periscope around whilst making notes on today's observations.

"It appears zat zings are beginning zubzide, Herr Kommando."

"Do you think I'll be able to return home soon."

"Ja, I zink zo. Down periscope."

The periscope slid silently back down into the submarine and the craft began to make it's slow, careful way back to port.

"Er, Soup"

"Ah, ah, ah."

"I mean, Hauptmann"

"Ja."

"This…this is a submarine, right?"

"Of corze! Vy else vould I speak in zis ridiculous aczent!"

"But…it has tracks. We've literally driven down the street from your house. Why couldn't we have used a more practical vehicle?"

A loud metallic clang reverbs and bounces across the submarine as Soup King violently swivels the periscope around, catching Kaijin on the back of his head.

"Do not azk zuch idiotisch questions!"

Kaijin is the one with you in the submarine?
Shouldn't that be me or Olors?

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