mallard swimming in water

Actual Advice Mallard

Part of a series on Advice Animals. [View Related Entries]

Updated Aug 12, 2020 at 09:59AM EDT by andcallmeshirley.

Added Dec 03, 2012 at 01:36PM EST by Don.

PROTIP: Press 'i' to view the image gallery, 'v' to view the video gallery, or 'r' to view a random entry.

About

Actual Advice Mallard is an advice animal image macro series featuring a photograph of a male wild duck accompanied by captions containing life hacks and other useful information.

Origin

Redditor Releasethedreadknot submitted the first instance of Actual Advice Mallard to the /r/AdviceAnimals[1] subreddit on June 19th, 2011, which featured an Associated Press[2] photograph of a mallard duck with the caption "Push in the sides of your tin foil package / it will keep the roll from falling out" (shown below). This post largely went unnoticed, receiving only 16 up votes and 0 comments prior to being archived.


PUSHIN THESIDESOFYOUR TIN FOIL PACKAGE THE ROLL FROM FALLING OUT

Spread

On the following day, Redditor Releasethedreadknot submitted another Actual Advice Mallard image macro to the /r/AdviceAnimals[6] subreddit, which recommended leaving important items on shoes to remember them the next day (shown below, left). Prior to being archived, the post received over 460 up votes and 15 comments. On August 31st, 2012, Redditor ZorkmidSC submitted an image macro with the caption "Get the fuck off the computer" (shown below, right),[5] which received over 10,000 up votes and 180 comments within three months.


THE NIGHT BEFORE, PLACETHINGS YOUDONT WANT TO FORGET THENEXT MORNING ON TOP OF YOUR SHOES GET THE F------ THE COMPUTER


On the following day, the Internet humor site 9gag[4] reposted Redditor ZorkmidSC's image macro, receiving over 4,600 up votes and 1,200 Facebook shares within the next three months. On December 1st, Redditor Gonten submitted an image macro to the /r/AdviceAnimals[7] subreddit, which recommended microwaving pizza with a glass of water to prevent it from becoming spongey (shown below). The post reached the front page, receiving over 16,600 up votes and 900 comments within 48 hours. The same day, the Internet humor blog Pleated Jeans[3] posted a compilation of notable examples from the series.


WHEN MICROWAVING PIZZA PUTA GLASS OFWATERIN WITH IT TWILL KEEP THE PIZZA FROM GETTING SPONGEY

Notable Examples


YOU CAN HEAL PAPER CUTS AND IMMEDIATELY STOP THE PAIN WITH CHAP STICK WHEN WASHING WINDOWS, SOUEEGEE VERTICALLY OUTSIDE AND HORIZONTALIYINSIDE IF YOUSEESTREAKS, YOU WIL KNOW WHICH SIDE THEY AREON TORTILLA CHIPS GOTA LITTLE STALE? TOSS THEM IN THE OVEN FOR 10 MINUTES AT375,THEY LL COME OUT LIKE NEW SHORTONTIME WITHAWRINKLED ORESSSHIRT HANGITUPINTHE BATHROOM WHILE YOU SHOWER TO STEAM IT FLAT VIDEOBUFFERINGON YOUTUBE? PRESS THE UPARROW, IT WILL START A GAME OF SNAKE LEGALIZEAND TAX MARIJUANA USETHEPROFITS FOR SPACE EXPLORATION IFYOUIREACLOSETEDHOMOSEXUAL DON T RUN FOR OFFICE AS A REPUBLICAN USECANOLAOIL ON YOUR KNIFE BEFORE CUTTING AN ONION YOU WONT CRY PUTADRY TOWELINTO THE DRMER CLOTHES DRY FASTER

Malicious Advice Mallard

On December 2nd, 2012, Reddit TEmpTom submitted a post to the /r/AdviceAnimals[9] subreddit titled "Malicious Advice Mallard", featuring a photoshopped version of Actual Advice Mallard with a red-colored head with the caption "Want to replcae a broken game console? / buy another one, put the broken console in the new one's box, and return it" (shown below, left). The same day, Redditor redvelvetmock submitted an image macro with the caption "Need to dry off your pet after a bath? / microwave" (shown below, right).[10] Within 24 hours, TEmpTom's post received over 11,500 up votes and 565 comments and redvelvetmock's post received over 12,200 up votes and 250 comments. As of December 3rd, 2012, the "Malicious Advice Mallard" Quickmeme[8] page has received over 240 submissions.


WANT TOREPLACEA BROKEN GAME CONSOLE? BUYANOTHER ONE, PUT THE BROKEN CONSOLE IN THE NEW ONE'S BOX, AND RETURN IT quickmeme.com NEEDTO DRY OFFYOURPET AFTERIA BATIH? MICROWAVE

Boat Advice

On January 24th, 2013, Redditor al19 submitted a picture of a cat and a duck strolling alongside each other to the /r/aww subreddit.[11] While the image had been previously submitted many times since as early as in January 2012, Redditor al19's post was met by several references to Sophisticated Cat consulting Actual Advice Mallard for financial advices.


YOUSHOULD BUY ABOAT SOLHEAR YOU'RE LOOKING TO BUY A BOAT LET ME GIVE YOU SOME ADVICE ON THAT ABOATISJUSTA HOLEIN THE WATER YOU THROVMONEYINTO WOULDN'T BUY ONE

That same day, Redditor ZeeHanzenShwanz submitted an image macro illustrating a dialogue between the cat and the duck about "catching the red dot" to the /r/AdviceAnimals subreddit (shown below, left).[12] As with other emerging advice animal series, a Quickmeme entry[13] for "Boat Advice" was launched shortly thereafter.


IPROBABLY SHOULDNT TELL YOU THIS BUT THAT RED DOT IS IMPOSSIBLE TO CATCH, AND THOSE HUMANS ARE ALL LAUGHING AT YOU LOOKJUST BECAUSEYOU,ELTS DOESN'T MEAN YOU HAVE TO SITS quickmeme.com ITHINK YOUSHOULD KNOW THE HUMANS DON'T REALLY LIKE IT WHEN YOU PUT YOUR BUTTHOLE IN THEIR FACES

Search Interest

External References

Recent Videos 4 total

Recent Images 135 total


Top Comments

chowzburgerz
chowzburgerz

The ultimate battle will begin on December 21st. Advice Dog vs. Actual Advice Mallard. The fate of the advice animal world is at stake. Who will emerge victorious?

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