Submission 36,892

Part of a series on "Heartwarming" Headline Parodies. [View Related Entries]

Doctor Hurdy Gurdy @NotReallyaDr Heartwarming: Orphan crushing factory kept open during labor shortage by hiring orphans to crush themselves! ABC News @abcnews. Apr 7 Jam factory in tiny town solves labour shortage by employing primary school kids abc.net.au/news/2023- 04-0... 12:46 PM · Apr 8, 2023 · 364 Views

e(Ag)le - @SilverEagle@furry.engineer @SilverEagle Dev Discord when NFTs are popular: Discord is your place for NFTs! Keep those cryptoscam dollars flowing! Discord when Al is popular: Discord is your place for Al! Let a robot do a s----- impression of your artist friends! Discord when the orphan crushing machine is popular: Disc-- Discord @discord. Mar 9 When it comes to sharing Al experiences with your friends, there's no place like Discord. Today, we're introducing new Al experiments, including an Al chatbot named Clyde, AutoMod Al, and Conversation Summaries, and launching an Al Incubator. Learn more: dis.gd/ai-on-discord 1

Beeb NEWS@killhalftheorphans Breaking: Orphan killed in orphan crushing machine Orphan liker @killingorphansisbad This is awful. We need to destroy the orphan crushing machine so that this can't happen again Orphan hater @orphansareicky Disgusting, using the death of an orphan for your political agenda. this is why I hate Orphan likers and everyone else should too

Pr pudding person @JUNIPER Jan 30 some of the replies to this really show too many people still buy the "philanthropist” myth that rich people use Lolo @LolOverruled Jan 28 . There is something so demonic about this and I can't even articulate what it is Show this thread 131 . Dyna @dynameld Blind People See For The First Time ews 4 hours ago t 667 100 / 1000 PEOPLE CURED 13.8K ₁841.3K : I think it's really cool that he did this but it's very much an orphan- crushing machine moment 12:03 PM. Jan 30, 2023 39.8K Views

Patrick Wyman @Patrick Wyman "Heartwarming: Community bands together to save orphans from being crushed in orphan-crushing machine as a blood sacrifice to the gods of the Market" CNN CNN @CNN Dec 11, 2021 After learning that her favorite Dunkin' employee had been evicted, an Ohio woman worked with several organizations to find a new home and furniture for the woman and her children, just in time for the holidays. cnn.it/3rWaXXX WCPO 10:55 AM · Dec 11, 2021 NEXT NEW COVID TRAVEL RULES EXPLAINED CHRISTMAS MIRACLE DUNKIN' DONUTS CUSTOMER GIFTS EMPLOYEE A NEW HOME CAN Suzanne Burke | Helped Find Dunkin' Employee a New Home : NEWSROOM

Ouranocracy @ouranocracy "These students have been preparing their whole lives for management positions at the orphan crushing factory. Now, their future is uncertain." 2:36 PM Jan 3, 2021

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About

Orphan-Crushing Machine is a metaphor for "heartwarming" news stories about someone remedying the immediate effects of a sociopolitical issue that ignore the root cause of said issue. The catchphrase and metaphor satirize these stories by comparing them to a story of a person raising money to keep 200 orphans from being crushed where nobody questions why an orphan-crushing machine exists in the first place.

Origin

On September 24th, 2020, Twitter^[1] user @pookleblinky described "heartwarming" human interest stories in the United States by comparing them to a story of a man raising $20,000 to save 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine, with nobody taking issue with the machine existing or being used. The tweet (shown below) garnered over 42,200 retweets and 149,000 likes in three years.

Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky Every heartwarming human interest story in america is like "he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan- crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used. 10:56 PM. Sep 24, 2020

In the same thread, @pookleblinky posted three additional tweets,^[2]^[3]^[4] building upon the joke (shown below).

Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky Sep 24, 2020 Every heartwarming human interest story in america is like "he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used. 43.3K 252 8 982 . Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky Sep 24, 2020 And then, when you ask why the orphan-crushing machine even exists, americans act bewildered that the large hydraulic device with a chute labelled INSERT ORPHANS HERE could be mistaken for an orphan- crushing machine 7 149.4K Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky . 11.9K la ₁ Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky - Sep 24, 2020 "you put orphans in, as the label suggests. It crushes them. It's even named the Orphanhammer 2000." 소 Only if you're foolish enough to put orphans in it, the american responds. t 610 9,334 امار And if you ask why they, knowing this, continue to put orphans into the orphan-crushing machine, the american will be baffled at the idea that you wouldn't use an orphan-crushing machine. "It's right there. Would be a waste if you didn't use it." 11:03 PM . Sep 24, 2020

Spread

On September 25th, 2020, an unknown Redditor reposted the image to the /r/LateStageCapitalism^[5] subreddit, where it gained over 710 upvotes in three years.

On October 7th. 2020. /r/OrphanCrushingMachine^[6] subreddit was created with the purpose of gathering news stories that the metaphor can be applied to. The subreddit amassed over 95,000 members in three years.

In the following years, both the screenshot of the original tweet and the phrase "orphan-crushing machine" achieved virality on social media as a way to comment on news stories that fit the metaphor. For example, on November 21st, 2021, Twitter^[7] user @SaulTortellini replied with the screenshot to a story of a 13-year-old boy who used his Make-A-Wish to feed his city's homeless for a year. The reply gained over 5,100 retweets and 44,300 likes in two years (shown below).

CAN CNN @CNN - Nov 20, 2021 13-year-old uses his Make-A-Wish to feed his city's homeless for a year cnn.com When granted a 'Make-A-Wish,' this 13-year-old chose to feed his ci... When Adeola "Abraham" Olagbegi discovered his bone marrow transplant was successful, he was granted any wish of his choice. 1,079 tl 9,056 28 Saul T. @SaulTortellini - Nov 21, 2021 199 Abraham's Table t 5,191 36.9K Good Take Tony @ToeKneeP18 Anosognosiogenesis Sep 24 Every heartwarming human interest story in america is like "he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan- crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists or why you'd need to pay to prevent it from being used. ₁ 44.3K la ↑ Carlito ★★ @Cartilos - Nov 22, 2021 "We can't just make the orphan crushing machine disappear overnight, ok. We have to vote for candidates that support orphan crushing machine regulation and hopefully they'll write a bill and we'll have enough votes to potentially limit the amount of orphan crushing" 10 t 55 ♡ 1,080 la "Sorry guys, we know we promised it, and we *really wanted to include orphan crushing machine regulation in this bill, but the parliamentarian said we couldn't :/ maybe next time" 7:34 AM - Nov 22, 2021

On January 30th, 2023, Twitter^[8] user @dynameld described MrBeast's "1,000 Blind People See for the First Time" video as "an orphan-crushing machine moment," with the tweet gaining over 30 retweets and 2,400 likes in three months (shown below, left). On February 14th, Twitter^[9] user @autisticpawg posted a meme referencing the metaphor that gained over 9,900 retweets and 74,300 likes in two months (shown below, right).

"Heartwarming" Headline Parodies

'Heartwarming' Headline Parodies refers to a series of posts parodying news headlines that present various grim situations as "heartwarming." The trend gained popularity on Twitter following a news article about a Texas teen who gave up her college savings to pay her family's rent in order to prevent eviction.

Chris Ray Gun E @ChrisRGun ... HEARTWARMING: Chemistry teacher turns to meth dealing to pay for cripplingly expensive chemotherapy. 9:49 PM · Feb 9, 2021 · Twitter for iPhone

Mr. Nice Voice ... @MisterNiceVoice Replying to @ChrisRGun HEARTWARMING: Latino chicken restaurant chain owner/philanthropist employs cancer-ridden chemistry teacher and donates to his surgery fund. GIF 12:08 AM · Feb 10, 2021 · Twitter for Android

Existential Comics @existentialcoms HEARTWARMING: after losing her job, mother refuses to give up and sells her hair to pay for her child's medication. 4:01 PM · Feb 10, 2021 · Twitter Web App

Various Examples

Jasmine('s boobs hurt) @Ranting_Trans We've reached such terminal capitalism where the heart warming story is now "orphan crushing machine running smoothly after narrowly avoiding shutdown" Anosognosiogenesis @pookleblinky Every heartwarming human interest story in america is like "he raised $20,000 to keep 200 orphans from being crushed in the orphan-crushing machine" and then never asks why an orphan-crushing machine exists ALT Of why you'd need to pay to prevent it from ABC News @abcnews. Apr 7 Jam factory in tiny town solves labour shortage by employing primary school kids abc.net.au/news/2023-04-0... 1:56 AM . Apr 8, 2023 729.7K Views ...

CO Alexander @purplechrain May 24, 2022 despite all the Tweets about how inspiring and moving this is, TEENAGERS USING THEIR HIGH SCHOOL VALEDICTORIAN SPEECH TO BEG ADULTS TO REVERSE GOVERNMENT-IMPOSED RESTRICTIONS ON SUPPORT FOR LGBT STUDENTS ISN'T INSPIRATIONAL, IT'S A SIGN THAT SOMETHING HAS GONE VERY WRONG matt @mattxiv. May 24, 2022 florida high school class president zander moricz was told by his school that they would cut his microphone if he said "gay" in his grad speech, so he replaced gay with "having curly hair." i am in awe 78 . Chrysia @ChrisLeePike fix myself became too much to do. so, while having 16.2K ACHOTE 90.9K d 소 This kind of s--- happens all the time. "Student begs government to dismantle orphan crushing machine." "Students raise enough money to shut down the orphan crushing machine for 5 minutes." "5 year told heroically jams himself in orphan crushing machine, dies. Machine working" 7:27 AM · May 25, 2022

Search Interest

External References

^[1] Twitter – @pookleblinky

^[2] Twitter – @pookleblinky

^[3] Twitter – @pookleblinky

^[4] Twitter – @pookleblinky

^[5] Reddit – orphan-crushing machine

^[6] Reddit – /r/OrphanCrushingMachine

^[7] Twitter – @SaulTortellini

^[8] Twitter – @dynameld

^[9] Twitter – @autisticpawg

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Sundae Gurl @Sundae_Gurl Republicans are mad the proposed infrastructure package has no money for new orphan crushing machines. 7:01 PM Apr 10, 2021

rahaeli @rahaeli this is very touching and all but again: nobody is asking why the orphan crushing machine exists Anne From Maine @AnneFromMaine Mar 27 A school teacher passed away who had taught school for 25 years. Her obituary asked that in lieu of flowers, mourners should bring backpacks filled with school supplies, to honor her commitment to students in need." 8:52 PM Mar 28, 2023 10.1K Views

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Orphan-Crushing Machine

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