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Anonymous 114 KB JPG p---". 05/26/24(Sun)22:16:42 No.77624072 When I was 13, I found out my dad had mistress. I said I'd rat him out to mom if he didn't buy me an account on some p--- sites. He didn't want to give me access to p--- even under the threat of exposure, so we compromised on buying me an account on a hentai site which he didn't count as "real I accidentally left the hentai site open on the family computer one night and my mom found it at some point after I went to sleep. Since the content was being paid for, she apparently thought my dad was using it. The next day, our Google search history was full of stuff like "help my husband is watching cartoon p---" and "is it normal for men to like cartoon p---". Dad took the rap for the hentai without complaint because the alternative was admitting that he bought p--- for his 13 year old son to cover up his extramarital affair. End of the story? Nope. A few years later I happen to be going through my parents' closet for something when I stumble upon a bunch of cosplay s---: a Hatsune Miku thing, a meido costume and a school uniform based on Haruhi. Along with neon colored wigs and assorted anime inspired accessories like cat ears + tail. So apparently my mom accepted that dad had a fetish for anime chicks and has been doing her best to satiate his lust for 2d, and poor dad who has no fetish for 2d whatsoever (pleb), has to play along or allow the entire web of lies to collapse. tldr I ruined my parents marriage with hentai.

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File: chainsaw man.jpg (100 KB, 1627x915) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:55:42 No.252911844 ►>>252911908 >>252914188 >>252914377 >>252916077 >>252919346 >>252919475 >>252920429 >>252921191 W--? >> Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)07:58:52 No.252911908 ►>>252913869 >>252913951 >>252914028 File: 06467EB6-9CF5-49FC-84A4-5(...).jpg (599 KB, 2730x4096) >>252911844 (OP) Denji could've got laid. He f----- up bad.. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)08:21:47 No.252912389 ► ok groomer Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:44:20 No.252913869 ▶>>252914047 >>252914093 >>252914100 >>252914125 >>252914134 >>252914294 >>252914315 >>252914527 >>252914536 >>252914582 >>252914605 >>252914643 >>252914670 >>252914680 >>252914780 >>252914811 >>252915009 >>252915019 >>252915216 >>252915260 >>252915280 >>252915315 >>252916087 >>252916275 >>252916436 >>252916516 >>252916539 >>252916565 >>252916569 >>252916574 >>252916659 >>252916737 >>252916787 >>252916802 >>252916842 >>252916974 >>252917020 >>252917066 >>252917095 >>252917156 >>252917166 >>252917201 >>252917265 >>252917325 >>252917490 >>252917497 >>252917507 >>252918071 >>252918109 >>252918460 >>252918543 >>252918601 >>252918806 >>252919082 >>252919137 >>252919328 >>252919382 >>252919432 >>>252919448 >>>252919457 >>252919510 >>252919544 >>252919551 >>252919576 >>252919615 >>252919616 >>252919650 >>252919702 >>252919759 >>252919779 >>252919804 >>252919882 >>252919944 >>252919980 >>252920003 >>252920030 >>252920106 >>252920276 >>252920335 >>252920347 >>252920412 >>252920415 >>252920494 >>252920535 >>252920577 >>252920610 >>252920647 >>252920712 >>252921030 >>252921081 >>252921110 >>252921138 >>252921146 >>252921257 >>252921392 >>252921415 >>252922113 >>252922329 >>252922635 >>252922833 >>252923296 >>252923418 >>252923492 >>252923792 >>252924120 >>252924150 >>252925598 >>252925778 >>252925795 >>252925980 >>252926106 >>252926146 >>252926234 >>252926278 >>252926350 >>252926563 >>252926620 >>252926624 >>252926689 >>252926756 >>252926764 >>252926876 >>252926911 >>252926918 >>252926925 >>252927034 >>252927073 >>252927110 >>252927127 >>252927301 >>252927310 >>252927461 >>252927677 >>252928003 >>252928114 >>252928431 >>252928442 >>252928498 >>252928709 >>252928848 >>252928958 >>252929393 >>252929964 >>252930095 >>252930514 >>252930728 >>252930740 >>252930886 >>252930911 >>252931013 >>252931111 >>252931128 >>252931382 >>252931493 >>252911908 losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one Donaustk € 12, kwĐH T• MAZD ALİH PF 12. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:58:27 No.252914093 ► >>252913869 brother what Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:20:41 No.252915260▸ File: doomer Zoomer.png (802 KB, 720x720) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)09:55:23 No.252914047 ► e: 1266667790002282.jpg (134 KB, 1234x521) >>252913869 >losing your virginity to the office slut is like eating the last balloon at a wedding as in, only have you in if only one >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:59:10 No.252920412 ► >>252913869 This is a certified 4chan moment Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:15:48 No.252919432 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:57:35 No.252916842 ► e: b81.png (264 KB, 474x377) File: 1495908995260.jpg (78 KB, 1280×720) >>252913869 >>252913869 at last I truly see Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)13:25:28 No.252917325 ► File: i kneel.jpg (86 KB, 405x720) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:47:49 N File: file.png (178 KB, 404x489) my f------ sides best post all day i kneel >>252913869 >t. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:13:15 No.252927301 ► File: it's so over.png (816 KB, 1121x673) >>252913869 My sides Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:33:58 No.252914670 ► File: 1683785740614529.jpg (30 KB, 567x496) >>252913869 Damn, this post really mindbroken everyone Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)10:44:57 No.252914811 ► File: 1674008914715180.jpg (29 KB, 680x504) >>252913869 Never have I seen a sentiment conveyed through nonsense with such clarity before. A true modern poet. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:27:55 No.252919702 ► File: 1235316161e7427.png (161 KB, 774x788) Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:43:30 No.252926278 ► >>252913869 ESLkun... >>252913869 >The most sane CSM fan Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:56:05 No.252920335 ►>>252920351 File: 1681220115757034.jpg (95 KB, 1200x1200) >>252913869 Anon bravely dying of a stroke to shitpost one last time. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:30:34 No.252919759► File: 1667874544032923.png (42 KB, 289x256) >>252913869 XXXX Anonymous UCDAZZJIVYOCHT_42:16 No.2021 20224 IC: JUS_405_4.129 [12 <1, 300 Audinous 1024/2004; 004:20 > 2225 4000 desale Zaroor A 7841 IN It's because that man's arguments are so right that they leave no room for debate. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:41:19 No.252916516 ► File: 1679679759269336.jpg (9 KB, 302x225) >>252913869 >thread doesnt eat their balloons at a wedding Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:24:07 No.252923296▸ File: 1682955308164217.jpg (85 KB, 415x375) >>252913869 I HATE THIS i am extreme dissapoint *forced smile Are you allright anon? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:26:44 No.252923418 ► File: Interrogation_mark.jpg (266 KB, 659x932) >>252913869 Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)11:33:23 No.252915435 ►>>252916020 >>252916057 >>252926173 I just want to know who in the hell eats balloons Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)15:20:59 No.252919551► e: 1683274551527799.jpg (22 KB, 800x450) Neory BonCINII VA; CDT > < = >>252913869 >only have you in if only one Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:26:01 No.252921146 ► 4148bc178917d22bf0a75c7d3(...).png (2.97 MB, 2508x3541) >>252913869 This feels like an eldritch being is trying to communicate and spread its wisdom on thots. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)18:51:26 No.252926563 ► File: 1628025425644.png (86 KB, 250x250) >>252913869 Holy f--- I missed these kind of posts. Thanks anon. "cb1100 "PRETEND" ? Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)19:06:55 No.252927073 ► File: 1616620564086.png (506 KB, 709x708) He is speaking the language of gods. >>252913869 beautiful I-I DON'T KNOW! JUST... PRETEND TO BE RETARDED OR SOMETHING! Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:06:02 No.252920577 ►>>252920932 >>252913869 Confused reaction image farmpost Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)17:36:25 No.252923792 ► File: 1680879053748926.jpg (87 KB, 644x954) >>252913869 Funniest s--- ive all week Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)16:02:20 No. File: 1647832313112.png (236 KB, 405x560) >>252913869 We got it all wrong. Anonymous 05/24/23(Wed)12:55:51 No.252916802 ► File: 1676938237963971.jpg (285 KB, 1711x1108) >>252913869 put me in the screenie weenie

Inaqar 137 KB JPG land you protect 12/24/23(Sun)09:54:58 No.91319497 >skilled warriors seen as the main bulwark against dark forces >sons of powerful and intelligent beings of legend >follow the teachings of a golden, almighty Master who created the >sometimes have powers such as shooting fire, lighting, shockwaves, blasts of ice or energy >wield some of the most powerful weapons around >battle beastly green enemies, awakened soulless armies, spirits, undead, malicious versions of yourselves, daemonic forces, and the literal embodiments of evil >wear bright colors to sell plastic toys >be the Ninja from Lego Ninjago: Masters of Spinjitzu >pic unrelated

Anonymous 10/26/13(Sat) 19:06 No.215457549 File: 1382828761196.jpg-(42 KB, 480x480, 1353212900339.jpg) >My dads face when >"Well have fun" >leaves room >Playing Silent Hill 3 >at the end >dad walks in >"Hey son, what you playing?" >Heather regurgitates a fetus >the other girl picks it up and shoves in his mouth >"I WILL BIRTH THE GOD"

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Anon and his brother | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous There is only darkness 159 KB PNG >Be me 05/31/24(Fri)11:34:47 No.77675081 >Share a room with older brother >Can't have my own bedroom because sister needs her privacy, and can't live in doghouse like the bitch she is. >Older brother is furfag >Wake up one day, brother is on his pc >He is on furaffinity looking at furry p---. >Utterly disgusted >parents think he's a normal good boy >Don't believe me that he's a furry, no matter how much I tell them. >He then starts looking at women drowning in furry mud monsters. >What the actual f--- >Then starts looking at furry women drowning in mud monsters. >What the F--- X2 >He then looks at furry vore, and some cartoon furry eats some dude whole and pops a furry boner >HOLY F------ S--- MY BRAIN.BITMAP >Turn off internet via phone and pretend to sleep >Hear keyboard smashing, and stomping out of room >I can't take it anymore guys, I think I'm losing it.

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Anon likes to help others. | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 7 KB JPG entertainment. 08/19/18(Sun)13:30:30 No.777598427 ITT: Good deeds you've done in your life. >Be me. >Go for a walk because I'm not a shut in virgin. >Walk by trailer park for some human >Girl comes running up to me. >Tells me her dog is dying and she needs help. >F----- jumped in the pool and didn't know how to swim. >Luckily I'm an EMT in training. >Grab big ass golden retriever out of pool. >Pretty sure its dead. >Give the dog CPR. >He's not responding but I keep at it. >Girl calls 911. >Turns out they don't send ambulances for dogs. >Just before I'm about to carry it to her car he starts coughing. >Throws up all over me. >Girl comes running over and hugs dog. >His tail starts wagging. >Girl thanks me. >Gives me a hug. >Tells me she'd kiss me if she didn't have a boyfriend. >Respect her relationship and leave with my head held high. I like helping people. It makes me feel good!

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Anon wins a trip to America | /r/Greentext

O to tasty in seconds Rustlers DEUS EX HUMAN REVOLUTION COMING SOON TO PS3, XBOX 360 & PC WIN AN ACTION PACKED TRIP TO DETROIT Full terms & conditions and How to enter visit www.RUSTLERSONLINE.COM/DEUSEX Open to all residents in the UK/ROI/1OM/CI/NL/BE/DK Closing date 31st May 2011. See website for full terms and conditions. © SQUARE ENIX LTD. flame grilled QUARTER POUNDER with NEW SAUCE 11052/3 09:08 USEBY 18 MAR KEEP REFRIGERATED 190g SERVING SUGGESTION MUST MICROWAVE FOLLOW COOKING INSTRUCTIONS CAREFULLY Anonymous 04/29/12(Sun)22:24 No. 137811126 File: 1335752694.jpg-(19 KB, 320x240, 1334702813764.jpg) >eat Rustlers burger >win trip to detroit >get deported to america >thrown into the harsh streets of detroit >get r---- by n------ until I'm more c-- than man Anonymous 04/29/12(Sun)22:57 No. 137814125^ File: 1335754631.png-(14 KB, 327x367, 1333837118221.png) >nip down to the shops and pick up a rustlers beef-burger >snip off the tin, spy a shiny golden ticket >call me old mum >"wassit say then fargus?" >we's won a trip to america, mum "coo, fancy that! a holiday to florida! i'll have your father nip round the chemist tomorrow to pick up some sun cream and a--" >blimey mum, it says detroit america not florida >me mum and i douse the ouse in petrol and set spark to it >next 3 days we's on the dole, hiding in cubbards >scotland yard rounds us up, puts us on a skycar to America well we's right snoggered now, mum

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Anon takes a shower | /r/Greentext

alamy THAM ALERTY GORDON, G. LINKIN 252 KB JPG feeling better > Get COVID in 2020 > Get lots of complications, back hurts like hell, had a nasty flu and headache > Doctor gives me lots of medications for a week treatment, he also tells me I can't shower for at least 10 days > 4 days of treatment go by, start > On the 6th day of treatment feel really icky with myself, can't resist the urge to take a shower and having in mind I was feeling better do it > After the shower change my clothes and lay in bed. After a minute or two start to get really numb, my arms and legs feel really sore to the point where I can't even lift them, try to scream but can't, feels like if I was in some kind of dream paralysis. Start to get dizzy and pass out. > Wake up at midnight very sweaty but apart from that feeling very normal. Fall sleep again thinking of what happened. Did I almost f------ die just cause I took a shower or is there some other explanation of why I felt this way that day?

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Anon is regarded | /r/Greentext

Anonymous (ID: kuwod9X1 Never talk about politics on a(...) 87 KB PNG > Be me. 06/29/23(Thu)08:38:51 No.432546445 > Spend two years longing for this girl that works at my local comic book store. > Humping my pillow madly every night. > Decided to do something about it. > Enrolled on Andrew Tate's course. > Spent literally thousands getting myself a little confidence. > Finally have the courage to ask girl out. > She agrees to come for dinner with me. > We go to Denny's. > We both ate pancakes and bacon and spoke at length about manga. > At one point we started holding hands under the table and I'm suddenly feeling really hot. > Start to think that this would be the day I kiss my first girl. > Ask for the tab. > I pay the full bill. > Girl then says something like why are you not tipping? > I make a casual comment that tipping is Jewish. > She's stunned and ask what I'm talking about. > I tell her again that tipping is Jewish and if she wanted to she could come back to my place and watch some YouTube videos on their history in Africa and Europe. > She sighs and walks out the restaurant. > I follow her outside and shout that she's an ungrateful fat bitch who has only used me for a free meal. > She drives away.

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The secret ingredient is sweating. | /r/Greentext

WHEN THE F--- ARE THESE ASSHOLES GETTING NERFED WHEN THE F--- ARE THESE ASSHOL(...) 02/03/24(Sat)21:37:29 No.665907732 Ancient-humans-superpredatorsQuora1-compressed.png 382 KB PNG >No fur >Only two legs >No claws >S----- jaw that can't bite anything >Can just throw sticks and walk >Throw stick, ow it hurts! >Run away haha get wrecked apecucks Imao >Stop for a rest >As i try to regen hp apeman comes walking over hill >Have to run again, can't get as far stam already taken a hit >Not long into rest sure enough ape is back again >Hes still just walking >Can only run so far >He just keeps walking This is f------ b------- and i'm sick of the server admins doing f--- all about it. This is a clear infinite stamina exploit and this F tier character should not be taking on S tiers and winning just because of one piece of its kit. I am starting a change.org petition so the devs sort this b------- out because i'm just going to stop playing until this b------- is fixed!!

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Recolonization Blues | /r/Greentext

Board /bant/ - International/Random Anonymous (ID: VZMMn1V0) 53 ▼ Settings Mobile Home 05/30/24(Thu)18:35:54 No.20417872 NORF.FC 259 KB JPG >Be me >Bong :( >Looking for visa sponsored jobs in the USA so I can get out before laybor cuts off mine and my sons balls and gives my house to a family of 12 feral Bombistanis. >Look on indeed >"Visa sponsored" in search >Job advertisements don't explicitly state visa sponsored unless its nursing >I'm not a nurse, don't ever want to be a nurse, don't want to wipe arses and clean d---- for a career >Believe me, I've been a patient >Find a website specifically for visa sponsored jobs in the US >Have to pay 50 quid for a years access >Cash RegisterNoise.WAV >Find a job that tailors towards me >Click apply >Link send me to indeed job >"Visa sponsored" in search >Applied through that instead What the actual f---? >Contact their customer services >Non refundable ACK!

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Anon misses out on the mighty WAAAGH! | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous Getting into 40k 59 KB JPG > Be me. 06/14/22(Tue)01:30:49 No.69033129 > Magic: The Gathering player. > Move to a different town for uni. > Not a single Magic player exists here. > HOWEVER, there are a fuckton of sweaty 40k players here. > F--- IT. > Decide to give 40k a go. > Spend >$100 on paints, like 20 orks, brushes, primer, glue, etc. > Assemble all orks. Learn to paint properly, spend a lot of time on my orks the coming week. > Listen to 40k lore while painting. > Watch vids of how to play. > Get hyped to finally go to a FLGS on the regular again. > A week later: > I go to the nearest gamestore and try to play with someone. > Everyone is already midgame with hours left to go. > One guy is ready to play tho. > I go up to him and ask him to play. > Tell him I've got like 20 boyz ready. > Show them. He compliments my painting, he especially liked the facial details I managed to paint. > :D > Mf then turns, looks me dead in the eyes, and goes: > "Hey anon if you wanna play 40k you're gonna need bigger orks to control the smaller ork squadrons, and a huge one to control the bigger orks. Also you should get more orks so that you reach 500p so we can have a skirmish battle." > Mfw I need to spend at least $100 more to even try the game and see if I like it. > I leave. Bro I just wanna play Magic even harder now.

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It seems today, that all you see | /r/Greentext

Anonymous 56 KB JPG 01/23/21(Sat)11:13:36 No.27427172 >read a thread on a ritual that supposedly allows you to lucid dream >attempt it >it actually works >I can lucid dream >all I have to do is say something and it happens >if I say "I can fly" I can fly >if I were to say "I used to be President" I immediately flashback to my time in office >other characters appear in my dream >they start having flashbacks of their own >I can't control them >I have to stick to the script until their flashbacks are over >Peter Griffin is a character in my dreams >I have no power over him >every time he has a flashback I'm force to play along >every night I'm trapped in an episode of Family Guy >become terrified of sleeping >eventually my body caves and I fall asleep >every night I'm subjected to a hellscape of pop culture references and poop jokes 14 Replies / 2 Images View Thread

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A decent bartender would spit in their drinks | /r/Greentext

Anonymous tall unemployed doesn't raise brown any kids multiple baby mamas violent 193 KB PNG >the guy accepts 05/30/24(Thu)13:30:36 No.77670546 >working as a bartender in a party with rich people >waiter gets approached by a group of girls >rich girl hits his face >he won't even flinch >co workers rush to interviene but she says that she will pay 5 hundred dollars for every hit >she hits his face around 10 times paying him every time >he stops her hand around the 11th time with an ice cold face and she chimps out >turns out the guy got enough money to pay for his sister's cleft lip surgery (he already had savings but needed this amount to get the complete amount) >guy left the party crying but smiling

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Anon sees the future | /r/Greentext

: Anonymous 05/28/24(Tue)22:39:42 No.38017353 4NE NEURALINK 172 KB PNG >Neuralink becomes safe (enough) for widespread use. >Soon enough those who don't have it are unable to work most non-minimum wage jobs because they're suddenly competing with applicants that can work at insanely boosted levels of productivity due to Neuralink. >At the same time, governments across the world use the opportunity to install backchannels / flat out buy the psychic information of their citizens obtained by Neuralink. >Citizens with dissident ideas/agendas are suddenly prosecuted for literal thought times as governments fabricate evidence to get them put in perma-reeducation camps. >Anyone who complains about this is a "Communist" who wants to go back to the slow-paced world before everyone could think nearly as fast as computers. There's the future. Thanks, Musk. : Anonymous 05/28/24(Tue)22:45:06 No.38017375 000 00 +

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Anon fake it, but didn't make it. (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465770786452329692/) | /r/Greentext

File: IMG_0601.jpg (57 KB, 736x736) Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:12:27 No.77665560 >>77665579 >>77665587 I made it, bros. I finally did. WAGMI. Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:14:11 No.77665569 >I'm a normalfag bros! I'M A NORMALFAG! Good for you? Nobody gives a s---. Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:15:10 No.77665579 >>77665637 >>77665560 (OP) Good for you, now please, kindly leave Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:16:08 No.77665587 Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:18:14 No.77665597 >>77665560 (OP) Hey man, I'm proud of you. https://www.pinterest.com/pin/465770786452329692/ >>77665645 LMFAOO all the n----- malding cus they know they neva pullin a bitch Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:22:32 No.77665637 >>77665579 this. this board is no longer for you, kindle remove yourself from the premises Anonymous 05/30/24(Thu)02:23:44 No.77665645 >>77665597 You're a white virgin, typing like a hoodrat doesn't fool anyone.

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Greentext Stories - Strike from the Woods | /r/Greentext

PROTIP: Press the ← and → keys to navigate the gallery, 'g' to view the gallery, or 'r' to view a random image.

Anonymous 114 KB JPG p---". 05/26/24(Sun)22:16:42 No.77624072 When I was 13, I found out my dad had mistress. I said I'd rat him out to mom if he didn't buy me an account on some p--- sites. He didn't want to give me access to p--- even under the threat of exposure, so we compromised on buying me an account on a hentai site which he didn't count as "real I accidentally left the hentai site open on the family computer one night and my mom found it at some point after I went to sleep. Since the content was being paid for, she apparently thought my dad was using it. The next day, our Google search history was full of stuff like "help my husband is watching cartoon p---" and "is it normal for men to like cartoon p---". Dad took the rap for the hentai without complaint because the alternative was admitting that he bought p--- for his 13 year old son to cover up his extramarital affair. End of the story? Nope. A few years later I happen to be going through my parents' closet for something when I stumble upon a bunch of cosplay s---: a Hatsune Miku thing, a meido costume and a school uniform based on Haruhi. Along with neon colored wigs and assorted anime inspired accessories like cat ears + tail. So apparently my mom accepted that dad had a fetish for anime chicks and has been doing her best to satiate his lust for 2d, and poor dad who has no fetish for 2d whatsoever (pleb), has to play along or allow the entire web of lies to collapse. tldr I ruined my parents marriage with hentai.

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