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tedPan 7 months ago I'll open up to you even more. You'd think that by staying off of my main channel, I could effectively avoid having to deal with main channel discussions with people, b working on my next main channel video over the past couple months, Just vesterdav, mv mom asked me if I was working on the next video for my main channel, and then got mad at me when I said I didn't want to talk about it. My sister has asked me questions about my main channel and then gotten mad at me for not talking about it. I told her that this was similar to how she doesn't want to talk to me about work, since work is stressful for her and she doesn't want to have to think about it when shes at home with me. But she said that my situation wasn't the same, since SM64 is something I did for fun and wasn't work. Even my friends ask me what's going on with my main channel, and want to know when the next main channel video will be out. The other day, a friend's friend that I had just met learned that I was pannenkoek, and so he began an in depth conversation about the rolling rocks video to me and my friends, even thoughl said I didn't want to talk ab rocks video, be it on youtube, reddit, facebook, twitch, etc, But the fact of the matter is that making the rolling rocks video and the resulting responses for me (for more info, see this exchange for more details: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JEP8gnVZ.5g& lc-z12zjiipve0i12wq04ci50yznvrjfbwon40k). And the fact that people then jokes and memes about it really didn't sit well with me. The result was that it all really got to me, damaged my psyche and left me in a weakened emotional state. In this state, I simply can't handle maintaining my main channel, and so I distanced myself from it until I could mentally recover. That's why I try not to engage anyone about my main channel, and ut that would be incorrect. My brother has repeatedly naq me about And even when I'm just browsing the inte I'll see references umber on psyche. Making the video itself was a very torturous experience l immediately click away. I just can't handle that in my current state. I've been telling people I'm simply not in the mood to make main channel videos right now in order to sugarcoat the situation, but a more accurate response would be that I haven't mentally recovered from my last video, and I can't handle main channel duties in this state. The fact that I've still been able to churn out secondary channel videos while in this state isa sort of miracle. However, many people on my secondary channel feel the need to express their dissatisfaction with these videos. People make comments like, "Could you please commentate this video? I really like when you do that.", "Why haven't you posted on your main channel in a while?", "WHEN'S YOUR NEXT MAIN CHANNEL VIDEO?", “GO BACK TO YOUR OTHER CHANNEL!. Each of these comments is a blow to my psyche. On a good day, I may be able to just brush it aside. But on a bad day, the comment might really get to me, and then I won't be in the mood to do anymore SM64 stuff that day. During moments of emotional vulnerability and/or loneliness (like when I'm trying to go to bed, on a card ride, or on a walk), these comments often resurface in my mind. In other words, I basically end up simulating being in a conversation with someone who's saying the most stressful things I can think of, and then how I'd respond, and then how they'd respond, etc but even in my own mind these pressures emerge. I'm just trying to look out for my own mental state and emotional webeing, but slav own mental expense so that they can squeeze out of my work. Sometimes I'm willing to make that sacrifice, but currently my psyche can't handle it. Consequently, these pressures have made me feel like I'm being selfish for putting myself first, that I'm disappointing everyone by not giving them any videos for several months, that the videos I'm putting out on my secondary channel are unacceptable because they don't measure up to the rolling rocks video. And so comments like these are actually making the situation worse, since it's definitely ver emotionall

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Uploaded Dec 18, 2017 at 10:49PM EST

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