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Granted, you will now only think in, and therefore be able to articulate easily, simple sentences.
I wish Paraphilia and Shock sites stopped bloody trending on this site.

Granted. All creepypastas now trend.
I wish for kebab.

Granted, Kebab is removed 3 seconds later.
I wish for Fallout 4.

Granted. It's in the capital wasteland. Again.

I wish for brownies.

Granted. They all have peanuts and cat feces in them.
I wish I knew if there was a shard of glass in my foot from that glass bottle I shattered about an hour ago.

Granted. The X-Ray scans give you radiation poisoning.

I wish for 1337 Ub3r hackz for all my vidya gaems

Granted, everyone else has them, so there's no real change in gameplay.

Granted. Everything that you have ever known and loved disappears.

I wish for a shiny Yveltal named Titan Bird.

Granted. Your game's save corrupts after it.
I wish I would be recognized for my voice acting skill.

Granted, people think of you as IceJJFish's brother…

I wish for Nude Nuns with Big Guns

Granted. you get Fatass nude nuns with water guns.
I wish i could divide by zero.

Granted. The sheer power of the knowlege of what happens when you do 0 ÷ 0-OH SHIT
I wish for a doge cate fusion.

Granted…You have to be stoned all the time to see the fusion everywhere….

I wish 2 be invisible whenever I want to… :P

granted: but once you turn invisible you can't unturn invisible

i wish the users on this site were more friendly to new members

Granted. All the BNMs are hostile and the other members have to put up with their shit.
I wish I was immunized to TripleA's wish.

Granted, you are now immunised to all wishes, including ones you make yourself.
I wish I could manipulate reality.

Granted. You fuck it up at least once every time you use it.
I wish my glass cut would fuck off.

Granted. It fucks off to another part of your body.

I wish I could proclaim a new world order.

Granted, your proclamation goes unheeded.

I wish for peanut M&Ms

Granted. The peanut M&Ms are now the only M&Ms available and they are awful.
I wish Windows Movie Maker didnt suck so much.

Granted, turns out it's not Windows Movie Maker that sucks.

I wish for orange soda.

Granted. The soda is actually grape soda that is colored orange.
I wish I had the universe's greatest shampoo for my hair.

Granted. You only get one.

I wish I could skip forward in time only once so I wouldnt have to wait longer for the RTX RWBY premiere.

Granted, you miss both Volume 2 and Lazerteam by 10 years after RT disbands

I wish that I had my laptop during my vacation.

Granted, laptop yes, power cord no.

I wish for a jelly donut.

Granted. You get jammed in the process of receiving it. It was Raspberry.

I wish for a better Ace Combat game than that shitty Free-to-play mockery they came out with.

I wish everybody would stop making wishes I can only grant shitty answers to or wishes i cant even answer.

@A furry, granted but cost's 9001 dollars.
@Captain faggot, granted but you are blamed for thread lock.
I wish for a one million dollars!

Granted. It's all black cash and you get arrested.
I wish for Nigbone to upload a new video.

granted but the video sucks,

i wish i had the power to draw things to life

Granted. They never hang out with you and eventually kill you. They also transmit STDs if you try and have sex with one.
I wish for a Big Iron on my hip.

Granted, here it is:

and it's permanently attached.

I wish for a ground type Pokémon.

granted, but it sucks terribly

i wish there was a new crash bandicoot game, that didn't suck

Granted, you got Stunfisk.

I wish I could fuck up anybody who fights me.

Granted. But you are always hospitalized after the fight and your medical bills are extremely fucking large.
I wish i could change my Painter's name in Terraria (it's currently Stefano ;_;)

Granted. You can only change it to Nicki Minaj.

I wish i could stay up all night without any consequences.

Still better than fucking Stefano.
Granted. You're always late for everything in the morning and are always too tired to do anything, and eventually you starve because you were too tired to go get food.
I wish spore would let me publish creations with dark injection installed.

No.
I wish i have the power to slow down my perception of time.

Granted. You get some LSD instead which pretty much does the same thing. Although the cops bust you the next day for possession of it, you druglord.

I wish I could rule over a continent with an iron paw-I mean fist.

TripleA9000 Granted, it's short. Total game play is less than 45 minutes.

A Furry Granted, Antarctica.

I wish for a grilled cheese sandwich.

Granted, but the sandwich was found rotten under a table of your local elementary school where it had been since the dawn of human society. Soon after you discover that it was also laced with a strange chemical which causes you to go insane and run around screaming the good news of the grilled cheese overlord. Because of this your family and friends begin to deny your existence and completely disown you soon after.

I wish to watch the world burn.

Granted. The world burns in an atomic flame.
I wish Xenon didn't be a faggot to not grant my wish. :c

Granted, I will deny it next time.
I wish I could break through this block of procrastination.

Granted. Now you have to break through a sphere of procrastination.

I wish the currency of this world was cheesewheels.

Granted. It is not uncommon to find cheese from the 1970s laying on the street.

I wish i was a time lord.

Granted, It works only once a day!

I wish for the all the games for the PS2.

Granted, but you no longer have a PS2…

I wish for Brookside chocolates.

Granted, but you are a dog and cannot eat them or you will die.

I wish for an infinite number of incorruptible wishes.

Granted, with a condition: you can't wish on yourself.

I wish I had a teleporter to Gensokyo.