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Granted. The Baneblade appears above you, only to crush you to death when it finally lands.

I wish for a bigger sword to hit people with when I drive closer to them.

Granted, it's too big to be wielded properly.

I wish for popcorn.

Wish granted. It's burnt.
I wish you would yell into something else for a change.

Granted. He yells into your ear now.

I wish World War III doesn't come in the next 7 decades.

WISH GRANTED!
World War III has been delayed to 8 decades!

I’ll make a wish that can’t backfire. I wish for a turkey sandwich, on rye bread, with lettuce and mustard and I don’t want any zombie turkeys, I don’t want to turn into a turkey myself, and I don’t want any other weird surprises. You got it!

Okay, but the turkey is expired.
I wish for STCs.

Oh foul accursed thing! What demon from the depths of hell created thee?!

STCs? As in small-scale technology certificates? WISH GRANTED! But they're only valid in North Korea.

You didn't wish for anything, so I get your wish.
I wish there was enough dakka.

WISH GRANTED …In a Galaxy Far Far away…

I wish miss Suzumiya stops harassing me for just a day so i can relax…

Wish Granted!
Haruhi won't harass you for the next 24 hours. But to balance things out, You'll have to harsss her the next 24 hours. We wouldn't want the universe to become unbalanced and unstable.

Now I wish I had remembered what I wanted to wish for in my previous post.

Granted, but no one else will ever know… especially anyone here…
I wish for a text to speech device.

WISH GRANTED
But it's permanently stuck on mute

Now I wish for world peace.

Granted. World Peace is achieved… by killing every last human and computer.

I wish for a hardened and baked clay brick. I have a message to send…

Granted, but it's radioactive
I wish there was a rational explication for how Ork weapons work.

Granted. But you too become an Ork.
I wish that the Emperor of Mankind dies.

Granted! But he drags every person of mankind down with him!
.
.
.
.
I wish Mikuru can stand up for herself more often…

Granted, but now she's as bad as Haruhi is when it comes to bossing you around.

I wish I had more money in my Steam wallet.

Granted, But steam get's shut down in 5 minitues

I wish I had a gaming PC

Granted. However your circutry get's deepfried by lightning.

I wish I know how to music.

GRANTED! But you only know how to play the Banjo…
I wish Mega Man in smash 4 was buffed in the next update

Granted. However, everyone gets buffed as well.
I wish war changes.

Granted, but now you can't beat anyone because NANOMACHINES SON
I wish everyone would pray to the machine spirit of KYM's server

Granted! though the server will not be able to take it and will commit suicide later…
I wish the Endless 8 never happened…

Granted! The Endless 8 never happened. Unfortunately, the removal of this chain of events also means that your summer homework somehow is erased from existence. (It's still due, btw.)

I wish to become Sheogorath, the Daedric Prince of Madness, Lord of the Shivering Isles and Madgod Incarnate… without the curse of Jyggalag hounding me.

Granted. The greymarch happens.

I wish for the altmer to get shrekt.

Granted, but you get shrekt to
I wish for a feminist to tell the truth

GRANTED
It's Haruhi Suzumiya…
Because it's coming more and more obvious, I wish I knew what Haruhi is thinking about me deep down…

Granted; however, you were better off not knowing.

I wish to try sushi.

GRANTED
But you get Salmonella poisioning because the Sushi was undercooked
I wish I was more popular on KYM

Granted. You get your fame through trolling and get banned.

I wish school wouldn't drive me insane.

Granted!
However, your school is now a post-apocalyptic setting full of biker-gangs and trigger-happy teachers. No. You do not become Kenshiro from Hokuto no Ken.

I wish I had a Stand with cool powers.

Granted. It's a stand that literally cools down the weather.

I wish "reals over feels" was the standard modus operandi for mankind.

Granted. Humanity has a generally more realistic overview, but the lack of emotion drives humanity into cultural decline as realism prevents fantasy and artistic license.

I wish that Matt Ward would reveal his identity as a Ctan trying to shape the future by time-traveling to the past (our present).

Granted. He is actually the Nightbringer and we all die.

I wish to have a good custume for the carnival.

GRANTED!
it was a stormtrooper costume and everyone takes pictures of you and post it to KYM and Reddit
I wish to be in the Undertale universe for 1 day

Granted.

But you're a mushroom who makes a dance to refer your misery of staying trapped on the ground forever.

I wish the power to control the time-space continuum.

Wish granted. However, both the chronological and physical age of your body randomly fluctuate beyond your control as a side effect of your new power.

I wish for stand powers.

Granted. You get stand powers. Particularly those that allow you to stand up and transform into a fruit stand.

I wish TR-8R gathered a group of fictional characters and formed the Legion of Loyalty.

Granted. They immediately deem you a traitor and beat you to death with sick spins.

I wish I had ZA WARUDO'S powers

Granted. You have ZA WARUDO'S powers. You can stop time… but the effect also applies to you too.

I wish that the Solar System be placed inside of a Dyson shell (1 ly diameter minimum).

Granted, but the sun malfunctions and turns into a supernova wich consumes the solar system and dyson sphere alike.

I wish the kym episodes returned. (and have decent quality)

Granted. KYM episodes return and are of damn good quality! However, they are only about forced advice animal memes.

I wish BB-8, Wheatley, and 343 Guilty Spark started a sports league that competes in "who rolls best" competitions.

Granted. However a Tau-Drone wins.

I wish Austrians would stop fucking us over.

Granted. The Austrians stop fucking us over. As a consequence the Hungarians decide to take up the flag and resume fucking us over. (Hope you like Magyar mischief!)

I wish for a working and fully functional duplicate of the Astronomicon to be created.

GRANTED! However it has changed drastically and the lack of knowledge kills you from it's use
I wish I was taller….

Granted. You become taller but also slimmer to the point you look like a walking toothpick. (And don't get me started on what happened to your innards and your biological functions.)

I wish the Bard crits all of his charisma rolls.

GRANTED! But this counts for his enemies too
I wish Mako would appreciate me more…

Granted, but it's the wrong Mako

I wish for a scented candle.

GRANTED! The scent is piss
I wish to meet Lu Bu

Granted, He kills you though

I wish I had a Pepsi