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Granted. Your tailbone extends about a few centimeters and that's it.

I wish I was an Inquisitor of the Ordo Malleus.

Wish granted, but you fall over and lose your mind, leaving in shame

I wish I had the will power to complete NFS

Granted. However you only complete the first game.

I wish for a dispenser right here.

Wish granted, but pootis heavy steals your sandwich

I wish for another round of aerofrickingbatics

Granted, but you literally get fucked over. And its not the fun kind of fuck.

I wish to become a professional StarCraft player

Granted. You lose your social life and good looks.

I wish for pyros to stop spychecking.

Granted, but the huo-long heavies swarm the map.

I wish there wasn't so much lewd animay tiddies during no fap september.

Granted. It's dumped with actual porn now.

SeeS?

SooS!

I wish for smexual.

GraanaarG youuuuuuu. uuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuwah. haah. howow quackmann has to suck PAINIS. IN THE AINIS.

I wish for more pootis.

Granted. You lose your lucky Sandvich in the madness.
I wish for more pusi, b0ss.

I'm not the b0ss. Can't answer.

I wish for Trump to be stumped.

Your wish is GRANTED! Trump's face has been laser-engraved into the World's Largest Tree Stump! http://curtistrailers.com/media/uploads/stump300.jpg

I wish for John Cena to enter MMA

Granted, the fights are rather boring.

I wish for hardwood floors.

Granted. Everyone is disgusted by the fact that your floors are made out of dicks and you are from now on forever alone.

I wish for the Tyranids to fuck right off into the eye of terror.

Granted. Slaneesh does some seriously sickening vore porn with them.

I wish those incompetent guardsmen would post in this thread.

Granted, but I'm not an incompetent guardsman.

I wish the USA actually has plenty of popular amiibo like Lucario, Robin, etc.

Granted, but they all ran out in an hour.

I wish the world is peacefully.

Granted. It's holy terra of the 41st millenium.

I wish for the emprah to unfuck the empire.

granted, but the chaos gods refuck it all over again.
I wish tumblr would grow up.

Poof! Granted.
Tumblr is now "Tumblr: Professional Business/Politics Microblogging Network."
I wish for this wish to not be granted.

Granted, but this wish is granted anyways.
I wish I can teleport to any world.

Granted. However, you can't do the math behind teleporting and find yourself in the void of space.

I wish I ad my own baneblade.

Granted, but the baneblade is non-operational.

I wish I can live in the Pokemon World.

Granted. A team rocket catches you.

I wish to git gud in tf2. Seriosly, gibusvisions can outsmart me.

Wish granted, but you are forever stuck as a w+m1 puro

I was for bar of jeep

Granted, it won't work properly.

I wish for PVC pipes

Granted, but Mario is inside them

I wish I could go way back home

Granted, but it turns out that your home was burnt to the ground.

I wish that I had the ability to stop and start time at will.

Granted, but you can only stop and start time at will for one time only.

I wish I can travel into alternative universes.

Granted.

But only to universes where a zombie apocalypse is taking place. Enjoy!
-
I wish I had all seven Chaos Emeralds.

Granted. But you're erased from existence as a result of their collective energies.

I wish that Chuck Norris, Theodore Roosevelt, and Stephen Hawking went to go conquer the multiverse in the Popemobile.

Wish granted, but neither none know how to drive the popemobile

I wish for this thread to go down WITH NO SURVIVORS

Granted, but zombies don't count as survivors.

I wish for a beer.

Granted, but you get a very crappy beer.
I wish I have a fancy full course dinner.

Granted.
(Poof)
You have an exquisite full 12 course meal on the most luxurious banquet table money could buy… and now you're also deathly allergic to everything served.

I wish I had something to wish for.

Granted. You are now pregnant with a child that you can wish to have a good life.

I wish I could control thunder and lightning

Granted. But only lightning on the planet Venus.
I wish I was a cult leader like Jim Jones.

Granted, yet you have ended up as the leader of a group of jihadists who believe their leader should do this:

I wish that I can travel to different dimensions

Granted. However not every part of you travels to the same dimension.

I wish i could die…

Granted, the Grim Reaper takes you, but then a Necromancer brings you back as an undead zombie.

I wish I had invulnerability.

Granted, but you become so heavy that every step you make, makes a hole in the ground.

I wish Garry's Mod was a reality.

Granted, but all of the creations turn hostile and wipe out mankind.
I wish for the good ol' days after 9/11.

Granted, but then you get killed by a cyborg ninja who's tired of your shit eating grin jealous of your charming smile.

I wish I could drive.

Granted, but only on video games :)

I wish for a billion wishes.

Granted, but you're only able to wish for things that would cause your death or cessation of your existence.

I wish this thread became a meme.

Granted, but now your entire life is dedicated to this thread.

I wish to become the dictator president of North Korea

Granted. The USA invade liberate it shortly after.

I wish, I became a lich.

Granted. You are quickly killed by a group of over-leveled adventures.

I wish for a bottle of Morning Rescue

Granted, you got FBI's Hostage Rescue Team in a bottle at 8am

I wish my offshore account will hav less munnies and spending account will have more