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Granted. You go bancrupt, for no apparent reason.

I wish I wasn't fandom thrash.

Granted, now your normie trash

I wish my stomach didn't help

Granted. Your stomach has become sentient and aims to hinder you and make your life a living hell at every turn.

I wish the answer to the Ultimate Question was 43.

Granted, but Hyperdimensional beings still waste about 20 million years trying to figure out the meaning only to fail at the last possible second.

I wish for sugar.

Wish granted, but you get a sugar daddy

I wish I wasn't racist

Granted. You aren't racist, but everybody else is… to you. (You're no longer human anymore, ya alien.)

I wish my car caught on fire.

Granted. Sadly for you, the firefighters extinguish it rather quickly.

I wish to download more RAM.

Granted. You download more RAM, but also download stuxnet, the first four seasons of Seinfeld, and an actual adult ram. (Your computer breaks from not being able to store the ram in its casing.)

I wish the firefighters who put out my car suddenly caught on fire.

Granted. But because they wear fire-proof clothing the fire runs out in mere seconds.

You need to make a wish that's how the thread keeps going.

I wish I wasn't so forgetful.

Wish, granted…er what do I again?

I wish I knew what to do lmao dude

Granted, but it involves self harm and a cult.

I wish the Phantom Pain was renamed to the Phantom Pepe, featuring really shitty memes as the cast.

Granted, but the Phantom Pepe is now a very bad game and everyone hates it now.

I wish we have more advanced space technology now, so that humanity has the power to colonize other planets.

Granted. We have interplanetary colonization technology, but in the process of preparing to utilize such technology World War III occurs, indefinitely shelving any space exploration/astrocolonization projects.

I wish I could come up with a better way to corrupt wishes.

Granted, however, now new posts come faster than you can respond.

I wish for a story book wedding.

Granted. But now you are trapped in the forums doomed to eternally corrupt wishes.
I wish I could stop going to know your meme so much.

Granted. Through some sick twist of fate, you're unable to use a computer and the current one you are using breaks (Quantum mechanics, act of God, magic, idk). You're also banned from the internet somehow.

I wish I had a Space Core and grant its wish of going to space.

Granted, it drives you insane with it's cacophonic screech of SPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

--

I wish. . . I wish Dad wasn't dead anymore.

Granted. But he is now a living, rotting corpse.

I wish I could get a job, one I could rub in my brother's face.

Granted. You're now a manure collector/salesman.

I wish I had a gavel.

Granted, you get the gavel. . . that sentenced you to life in prison for Capital Murder. Enjoy.

--

I wish Bobby Tank was playing at my house.

Granted. A tank named "Bobby" plows into your house and kills you.

I wish I wasn't so lazy.

Granted. You become most industrious… at the cost of your free will.

I wish I had a bucket of anthracite.

Granted, but it's actually a crappy Steven Universe OC/knockoff.

I wish for a crossbow.

Granted. Its a bow in the shape of a cross, and is therefore uaeless.
I wish i could save goatbro.

Granted. Frisk has to die for him.

I wish I didn't set the world on fire.

Granted.

I wish for

Granted.

I wish for a guardsman to BLAM.

Granted. A guradsman walks up to you with a bolt pistol and BLAMS you
I wish the Imperial Guard actually took care of their lasguns, the ingrates.

Granted. They effectively maintain their lasguns… but forget to maintain the rest of their equipment.

I wish I had a jukebox that I could mount in my ship. One filled with Holst and maybe Mozart.

Granted. The soundwaves from the jukebox are so intense that the hull of your ship breaks, killing all of the red shirts in your crew before it can be fixed.

I wish I had a huge stack of ice cream.

Like one of these.

Granted, but all tons of disgusting thing land into it. Then it begins to melt. Then you lose your grip of it. Guess where all that nasty stuff drops onto?

--

I wish I could be honest with myself.

Wish granted, however, you are far too honest with yourself, and you are crushed under the weight of the horrible truths you have revealed to yourself.
I wish Don-senpai noticed me.

(Poof!)
Granted. Don notices you… and bans you.

I wish for every household in America to be delivered a gratuitous amount of cheese. The delivery must be made by the Prince of Madness, Sheogorath.

Granted. But the cheese causes every American to go mad, and Canada and Mexico immediately conquer the US.

I wish that my depression could fuck of.

Granted. You are now dead
I wish RWBY was good

Granted! But the series is cut short.
I wish Valve will stop messing around and make Steam more optimized.

Granted. The now charge a subscription fee just to use it.

I wish for every NES game in existence.

Granted, but you have no console on which to play them.

I wish for my own talk show.

Granted. You have a talk show with very expensive production costs that no one (and I mean no one) watches.

I wish for a 12 oz. glass of cold chocolate milk.

Granted, You die from diabetes after drinking the glass of cold chocolate milk

I wish to see my waifus relaxing in a pool of dosh!

Granted, but you will go blind two minutes afterwards.

I wish that I have a soul again.

Granted, it's not yours, it belonged to a Crazy Cat Lady, enjoy.

I wish for a Hallmark greeting card.

Granted. It has uranium laced into it.
I wish that there could only be one Asriel Dreemurr in this website.

Granted, but now the site is taken over by 200 Charas.

I wish that Frisk would love me and only me unconditionally

Granted, but no else will love you ever again

I wish for free money

Granted. You now have a free 2 cents.
I wish I could figure out how to fucking use Ubuntu

Granted, but now no one else knows what it is
I wish for an ice cream

…Your ice cream is made of supercooled strontium oxide and faintly tastes of anchovies.

I wish to be a buff, friendly werewolf