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Granted, but instead of Bond being a classy and sexy British gentleman, he's now a rude, drunk, and ugly Redneck. This change of character is now viewed as worse than the female Ghostbusters.

I wish Opening Day would happen tomorrow. I can't wait for some baseball.

Granted. Opening Day happens tomorrow. Unfortunately, tomorrow never comes as your wish somehow caused a causality loop that resets before midnight.

I wish that I could go into battle whilst piloting a Mega Chessatron.

GRANTED! A queen puts you in check mate before you can use it
I wish the dissapearence of Nagato-chan was less boring I'm sorry to those of you who like it…

(takes out Thread Defib. Paddles)
(CLEAR!)

Granted. The Vanishing of Nagato Yuki-chan is less boring but ends on a rather abrupt and unsatisfying note.

I wish I had a Molotov cocktail… that's already on fire. (Don't ask me why.)

Granted, because it's already lit it burns out rather quickly.

I wish I was having an easier time in Fallout 2.

Granted! But the nerf is given to 1 type of enemy only
I wish to become the next best Mega Man player in smash bros history

Granted. You become the next best Mega Man player in Smash Bros history. Unfortunately, the second best Mega Man player decides to rectify the situation by Klingon promotion and succeeds.

I wish I had a vending machine that dispensed orange soda.

Granted. Your vending machine dispenses orange soda but it tastes like lemon-line.

I wish I knew what to wish for.

Granted! It was only for a second
I wish for a sandwich

Granted. You get the BROODWICH and succumb to its power after one bite. (Instead of having to eat the whole thing.)

I wish I had a second opinion.

Granted! You forgot
I wish I had a pet Temmie

Granted! You forgot
I wish I had a pet Temmie

Granted, having it around gives you hOIves!

I wish I was more energetic.

Granted. You become so energetic that your body explodes from being unable to handle the stresses of containing so much energy.

I wish I could cast a "Disintegrate Plot Armor" spell and have the sufficient knowledge and mana to do so.

Granted: It only strengthens plot armor

I wish I could have a stand.

Granted! It's me Hey you get all the Harem at least
Speaking of which I wish I had more Harem

I can live with this

Granted! You have less Harem.

I wish someone gets a free wish.

Granted. Your archenemy gets a free wish. (Whoever that is, I don't know.)

(Read the following line to the tune of "All the Raindrops")
I wish that all the airplanes were A-bombs and water mains.

Okay, I guess… and the only way I can think to corrupt that is to melt you with acid.

I wish for a GIF, or video that will teach me how to use chopsticks.

Have a picture of a spoon

I wish this thread can keep going.

Granted. This thread can keep going so long as you abstain from any sexual activity or sexually-derived pleasure. Any engagement of such activities will cause the thread to instantly die. (Don't ask me how, that's just magic for ya.)

I wish that the IDF employed velociraptors as part of their overall military defense strategy.

Granted but remember that they're still dinosaurs… so they have an appetite… so uh yeah… half of your military is eaten by them… nice -as-ice job…

I wish I knew how to put those buttons on my wall…

Granted but remember that they're still dinosaurs… so they have an appetite… so uh yeah… half of your military is eaten by them… nice -as-ice job…

I wish I knew how to put those buttons on my wall…

Granted, buttons are now banned.

I wish double posting stopped.

Granted. Double Posting has now stopped. This has led to the rise of Triple Posting among much of the internet. (Be thankful that I'm not one of those people.)

I wish that the Great Wall of China was launched into space so everyone could see it. (The Earth just made it really hard to see from orbit anyway.)

Granted. The Great Wall of China lands in Mars and disrupts the orbit of surrounding planets.
I wish that I could live inside of a meme.

Granted. You live inside a meme. The meme in particular is a shitty and forced one, unfortunately.

I wish I could go off the rails every once in a while.

Granted, but your derailment is permanent.

I wish to have a nice, cold refreshing 20oz. bottle of CRYSTAL PEPSI.

Granted, but it tastes like shit.

I wish I was on The Amazing Race.

Granted. You are on the Amazing Race. However, since you were the last team to arrive (at the starting line), you've both been eliminated from the race.

I wish that Phoenix Wright and Harvey Birdman faced off in a courtroom against Ben Matlock in the Trial of the Century.

Granted! But it's a fanfiction

I wish for Vault Boy to be real.

Granted! but it brings the nuclear apocalypse too
I wish the world I lived in would be just more normal…

Granted! But with that much normal, great insanity erupts.

I wish that I could transform into a monster at will!

Granted, you now turn into a monster whenever you're near Wil Wheaton.

I wish for a chainsaw.

Granted! But this chainsaw is rusty, unstable and broken.

I wish that Cryptids are more common.

Granted. Cryptids become more common, but as they are more common, they become mutually smarter through communication and learn to hide themselves better. The result is the population not noticing the increase, let alone of their existence.

I wish I had a mecha that had a gun that shot out mini-sandwiches.

Granted, but firing them like that causes them damage.

I wish I didn't feel so queasy/rattled right now.

Granted! But you are stuck with the feeling of happiness, which may lead to insanity.

I wish I was a Scylla.

Granted. You become a Scylla. Unfortunately, a certain demigod happened to be passing by and slew you.

I wish Dwarves had proficiency in quarterstaves rather than in axes and hammers.

Granted. However, while their best weapons are quarterstaves, this is because other weapons are practically worthless in their hands. They are still terrible at using quarterstaves.
I wish Tharja would stop stalking me.

Granted. Tharja stops stalking you. Instead, she goes full-on obvious yandere towards you. The Shepherds, fearing their safety, decide to abandon the both of you at an inn in Chon'sin.

I wish Redshirts became the controlling political party in the Federation.

Granted, but too bad.

i wish for all the memes in the world

(How was my wish corrupted exactly? You're supposed to corrupt the previous user's wish, Tucker.)

(Like this.)

Granted. You gain all the memes in the world but the vast amount of information and data (of debatable usefulness) fries your nervous system leading to your untimely demise.

I wish Billy Joel had an actual superhero alter ego known as "Piano Man".

Granted, but he's quickly defeated by his nemesis Manfred Man
…He was blinded by the light.

I wish I could get that song out of my head.

Granted. You now have nothing but giant hornet sounds in you head.
I wish i could shoot lighning.

Granted. You can now use Lightning from Final Hallway Fantasy as a projectile.

I wish I could create the cure for butthurt and sell it at premium price.

(Oh boy I used to play this long ago.)
Granted! But it works only for an hour.
I wish I could… erm lets see something easy…. Fly!

Granted. You are flying… but only due to the fact you've been subjected to a powerful magnetic blast. (Yes, you are in one piece this time and should be able to land safely. Please do enjoy the flight.)

I wish that I had a legally-obtained ornate hardbound copy of Sun Tzu's The Art of War translated in proper and grammatically correct English and in excellent condition.

Granted! Now you just had one!
I wish for some cheese cake!

Granted! It's more cheese than cake..

I wish for some more coffee