Forums / Fun! / Forum Games

I CLAIM THIS PAGE FOR THE NEW SUNCAT GODDESS!

I hope for your nation's well being you can convince the natives that we are not all evil.

I will ensure the safe passage between our nations and the hospitality of your tourists. I will also clean up all the piles of skulls the mongols left behind. Bad for business that is

Keep in mind however that the mongols are still out there. You should also take your own measures to make sure that the northern roads are safe and open

I'll probably be mostly occupied keeping my own borders mongol-free

But you should have the numbers to easily march forces down south and clean up any remaining mongols in Dathustan and Syserror.

I'll admit, I was trying be an opportunist and grab something from that territory, but I didn't want a war with you so I tried more diplomatic means. It didn't work so I wont bother you.

Also public announcement.

While there are many beliefs in the world that are not the worship of Tirius, the Mac Tire tolerate these.

However there is one cult that is inherently criminal. People who worship the false blood god. We have reason to believe these heretics are alive. If they contact you, I advise vanquishing them right there. They are barbaric and uneducated, and from previous negotiations they are violent and cannot be trusted.

Literally everybody next turn:

but its ok because this is the historically accurate time for gunpowder to reach europe

Forgot to respond to this.

One of my plans is to start trading with you now that Atlantic travel is possible. I'll can bundle some missionaries with that

I'll try to do it on turn 10.

No, no, I am actually saying that cannons are getting introduced to Europe next turn.

…. Can I make a third edit.

You can make a thousand edits if you need to. I only read the very last one you send me, so sending more edits does not increase my workload whatsoever. In fact, I encourage all of you to edit your turns. Do not be hesitant to send a turn because you feel you may need to make edits and do not jeopardize yourself by refusing to make an edit when it would be advantageous to do so.

Do not be hesitant to send a turn because you feel you may need to make edits

True, that.

That's the reason why I missed turn 5. I spent so much time going over my actions and editing everything before sending it in. Adding this, removing that. Deciding this was important, deciding that was useless.

When I finally made up my mind and sent my PM, Syndic had already posted Turn 5 just 2 minutes earlier.

If I hadn't missed that turn, I would have had a chance to integrate the Slavs while they were still disorganized nomads with no place to go. I was gonna give them a home. Now they're settled and not going anywhere

@Stalker

I'll help you. And you don't even have to change your religion or help me colonise. You know why?

Because the world is full of idiots who don't understand what's important, and they'll tear us apart, Stalker. But if ya stick with me, I'm gonna accomplish great things, Stalker, and you're gonna be part of 'em, and together we're gonna run around, Stalker. We're gonna do all kinds of wonderful things, Stalker. Just you and me, Stalker. The outside world is our enemy, Stalker. We're the only friends we've got, Stalker! It's just Stalemate and Stalker. Stalemate and Stalker and their adventures.

STALEMATE AND STALKER FOREVER AND FOREVER A HUNDRED YEARS. Me and Stalemate and Stalker runnin' around and in Stalemate and Stalker time all day long forever. All a hundred days Stalemate and Stalker! Forever a hundred times. OVER and over stalemateandstalkeradventures.com. A hundred years, every minute stalemateandstalker.com. www.ahundredtimesstalemateandstalker.com.

@BSoD

Oh yes, because losing my capital, a bunch of my soldiers and fortifications turned out so well for me. I'll help you out with the Mongols anyway, might as well use what's left of my powers (or in this case, land size) for good.

@ Stalemate

Help me out as well, m8. I'll give a you gr8 blowjob m8.
Seriously, help me out over here D:
These fackin' Mongols are stuck up my ass!

@stalemate

Oh yes, because losing my capital, a bunch of my soldiers and fortifications turned out so well for me.

Yea but the mongols haven't been able to touch more than 10% of your ground. They're infesting half of mine.

They're getting their dirty unwashed hands all over my Kebabs!

@BSoD & Soviet Marmalade

I've sent reinforcements. I'm trying to launch a counter-attack, but I'm very uneasy about the results.

As for Stalker and Crimeariver, that stuff's gotta wait. I have a lot on my plate right now.

A warning is sent to the other American kingdoms telling of the crimes of the Europeans and their potential danger to the new world. Many nations agree, and decide that the Blood Kingdom is among those dangers that need to be defended against.

ayy lmao

also mfw tricontinental empire

>there is people, RIGHT NOW in this very natrp that dont own territory in 3 continents

wew lad

like i said, id take any religion over blood worshipping

@Stalemate

I should probably start watching Rick and Morty some time soon.

@Twisty

May I interest you with a wheel that goes on forever, can bring you back to life in a new form and ultimately make you into god?

Bear with me for couple hours or so, gotta find a picture to explain one of my actions.

(Fucking obscure vidyagames)

alright fuckers it's time for something…

we need to form a Huge Pact. we need to unify ourselfs and fight the Bots.

We need our own League of Rulers.

the North american SCUM are fucking fighting WITH each other. and i fear they might be able to defeat us.

now this League of Rulers needs a leader…

I think the ruler of DOON should be that leader.

I like Web of Alliance better.

TURN 9

Religion

• At the end of the kurultai it was decided upon that Batu would be the next Great Khan. Additionally, he convinced his peers that the empire should become a hereditary monarchy, allowing for further centralization of the administration and the potential for a much longer lived nation. However, when Batu left the great tent he was confronted by an unknown number of assailants and was murdered along with all of his bodyguards and a number of his brothers, fellow khans. The Mongol Empire almost instantly collapses and the khans continue their feuding.
• Choctaw, yearning for greater access to the mines of the Appalachians, has invaded the Shawnee and Cherokee, conquering them completely. The great bounty of food from the Mississippi river valley has greatly aided in feeding their massive armies.
• The Toltec, Aztec, and Mogollon nations have banded together in an alliance against the Blood Kingdom. They have performed a ceremonial Flower War against the Chichimecans, annexing their lands and sacrificing their people, to prove their honor to each other.
• Wari and Tiwanaku are united by a dynastic merger through marriage into a new state, called Quechua.
• Equines from the Doonish fort on Long Island and the Ovon fort in Nova Scotia have escaped into the wild. The new world is gradually populated with wild Scandinavian ponies and Ovon horses. The natives gradually adopt them into their societies, closing the gap of distance across the plains and radically altering warfare.
• The khan of India rapidly loses the support of his people, who turn to old leading families. Punjab rebels first, followed hesitantly by the other states. Punjabi conquests by the time of their neighbors' rebellions had already spread over their borders, causing conflict once the Mongols were overthrown. A Punjabi lord declares himself King of India, and conquers his former allies in a series of wars. He utilizes new gunpowder weapons, especially the cannon, to great effect. The Prime Magus crowns him Emperor of the Holy Persian Empire, a new title inspired by a fusion of Achaemenid tradition and Christian fervor.
• Gunpowder has been propagated into Europe by the Mongols. The Indians are the first to utilize this new discovery to great effect in warfare, using cannons to great effect against static fortifications. Now all European states have the new weapon.
• The plagues have ended guys.

Notes:

A tech list has been added to your nation. Do not try to invent anything yet; scientific theory is still a turn or two away.

Also, there are some errors on the maps (incorrect arrow, territory occupation and arrows left on religion map, etc.) that I will not be fixing because I have already posted the turn and I'm lazy I guess. These errors are cosmetic, and should not significantly damage your ability to interpret what is going on.

Mr. Stalker
Katia

Government: Democratic Theocracy
Culture: The Fights, Talion Law, Lord of the Arena, Death Matches, Blood God, Human Sacrifices, Sun-Cat Faith
Economy: Agrarian
Military: Longboats, Elite Longbowmen, Blood-Berserks, Zealot Warriors, Hoplites, Katia Landers
Tech: Iron Age

• Zapotec is invaded and quickly conquered. Toltec is attacked next and, because of their prior engagement in conquering the Chichimecans, they are initially thrown off guard. However, Aztec and Mogollon reinforcements soon come flooding in, pushing back the Bloodinite invasion.
• A group of fighters known as the Katia Landers organize into companies which form the backbone of armies fighting in rough terrain. Like the Jaguars of Mexico, they excel in fighting through jungles.
• The Blood Kingdom suddenly reverses its religious devotion in a different direction, towards a cat-like goddess of the sun. Most of the tenants of the new faith are identical to the Blood God religion, but the new figurehead of heaven disgusts devout followers in the neighboring nations. Furthermore, the fact that the Blood Kingdom was the religious center of the new world incites a fury in all kings who had previously vowed faithful loyalty to the Blood God. A holy war is declared by Muisca, who are soon joined by Arawak and Choctaw as well.
• The nation is renamed to Katia when the Blood Pope declares himself the Sun-Cat Pope instead.

Levantine Republic
Stalemate

Government: Republic
Culture: Religious Freedom, Persian Heritage, Egalitarianism, Compulsory Education
Economy: Maritime Mercantile
Military: Rogue Army, Repeating Crossbows, Knightly Orders, Republican Guard (spies)
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Egypt is fully taken, as well as territory along the Red Sea outside of Aksum's claims, including the Horn of Africa.
• The Republican Guard, a secret service consisting of spies and assassins to serve the republic's needs abroad.
• The Mongols retreat from Levantine land, most of their armies returning home to Mongolia, and the khans who remain preferring to focus on consolidating their control over Iran. Regaining lost territory is as easy as reoccupying the garrisons of the cities they left.

Dathuastan
Soviet Marmalade

Government: Republican Monarchy
Culture: Floating Homes, Ship Builders, Tide God, Persian Heritage, Compulsory Education
Economy: Maritime Mercantile
Military: Large Fleet, Corsvaires Order, Immortals, Galleons
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Inspired by the Levant, schooling is made compulsory.
• Balistae are outmoded by cannon, and fall into disuse. Cannons are mounted on most merchant ships in the Black Sea to prevent piracy.

Doon
Laud Piestrings

Government: Republic
Culture: Talion Law, Tedizm, Tundra Living, Ice Structures, Egalitarianism
Economy: Agrarian
Military: Specialist Weapons, Eits Spy Network
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Attempts are made to negotiate with the Iroquois. Initially these attempts are entirely rebuffed, and only the strategic location of Long Island prevents them from destroying the Doonish colony. Over time, however, some curious individuals venture into the Doonish colony, wishing to learn about the foreigners. These individuals shed some light on the reasons for hostility. It seems that, many centuries ago, a prophet came to the Iroquois foretelling the coming of a great threat from across the sea. He claimed that his people had been destroyed by barbarians from a land far away, and that they had been forced to the edge of the world to flee. The prophet warned the Iroquois and other tribes that the barbarians would soon find their way to America, and he gave them the tools and knowledge to better themselves so that they could one day succeed in defending their world from the armies of hell. Apparently most native Americans believe in this tale, and so when colonists from Europe began to appear on their shores they eagerly murdered them.
• Settlers cross the straits into Alaska, claiming a large region for Doon.
• Cavalry forces advance south towards china, conquering many native people and guarding the expanding colonies of Doon.
• Settlers are sent to Syserror, bringing with them their Doonish culture and way of life.

Polis
Sergeant Arch Dornan

Government: Theocratic Republic
Culture: Solairism, Turtle Status, Dancing Revolution, Holy Women, Persian Heritage, Compulsory Education, State Mafia
Economy: Coastal Agrarian
Military: Massive Small-Boat Fleet, Sun Warrior Fanatics, Scourge Warriors, Theft Tactics, Longboats, Raper Infantry
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Scyth-wielding infantry are experimented with. Although frightening, they do not seem to be very effective in combat. Some suggest that the future of warfare is not in barbaric steel weapons, but in gunpowder.
• Polis continues its artistic renaissance with the opening of many new opera houses and cathedrals which showcase singers and choirs. Most songs are in honor of Solaire, although some are about more mundane things in life.
• Forts are built in strategic locations along the coast and the border with Zellania is fortified.
• Women are given the right to join the army as marching priestesses. Very few opt to do so, preferring to stay in their temples rather than march about the nation preaching to soldiers.

Vakun
You Are Reading This

Government: Republican Monarchy
Culture: Megalith Temples, Tengriism Faith
Economy: Agrarian
Military: Legions, Coast Guard Quadremes, Repeating Crossbows, "Gray Men"
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Gunpowder technology is replicated from what the Mongols left behind.
• Repair crews quickly mend the section of the wall that was destroyed.
• Mining and industry are promoted and subsidized, encouraging local economic investment.

Mac Tíre-Madra
Spider-Byte

Government: Monarchy
Culture: Sacred Dogs, Tirius Worship, Famous Ale
Economy: Maritime Mercantile, Clothing Hegemony
Military: Warrior Society, Longbowmen, Legions, Wuulfgaurd, Galleons, Criminal Army
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon
Flashpoints: Loan Fraud Crisis

• Criminals are given the option of joining the army, rather than rot in prison. Many take up the offer.
• The MacTire treasury declares that the Monarchy of the Roses is massively in debt to MacTire and have defaulted on all of their loans. Every financial institution in Europe knows that this is a lie, but what can they do about it? The MacTire king declares war and sends his armies to get his gold back.
• As a result of the obvious loan forgery, MacTire suddenly finds itself entirely isolated financially, unable to get foreign loans for the crown or merchants alike. This has the potential to cause the economy to collapse, but for the time being there is still enough money in the treasury to keep the nation afloat without foreign involvement.

Ovo
Twisty

Government: Feudal Republic
Culture: God Questing, Compulsory Education, Egalitarian
Economy: State Mercantilism, Prime Manufacturer, Paper Currency
Military: Large Longboat Navy, Austere Elites, Siege Ships, Specialist Weapons, Knights Hospitaller, Specialist Navy, Advanced Tactics
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Gifts are given to the American kingdoms. Initally they are wary of accepting them, but soon some individuals come to accept Ovo for its generosity. The Beothuk have mostly ceased their offensive agression, although they still refuse contact and fiercely defend their lands from Ovon contact.
• Checkpoints are established at the borders to ensure that criminals and the like do not gain entrance.
• Generals are now allowed to be given field promotions for faster reaction to loss of leadership in battle.

Monarchy of Roses
Tchefuncte Bonaparte

Government: Monarchy
Culture: Warrior Poets, Gender Equality, Religious Tolerance
Economy: Agrarian
Military: Merchant Marine
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Many south Atlantic islands are colonized and the Argentine colony expands greatly as well.
• Trade lanes to the new world colony bring in much valuable goods to Europe, but they are soon closed as the homeland is blockaded due to war with MacTire.
• MacTire and the Swords declare war. Utilizing new cannons, the Swords manage to destroy almost every castle on the borders, breaking apart walls into rubble before they even moved into firing range of the towers. The MacTire land on the eastern coast, completely bypassing the fort line, invading Marrakesh as well.

Zellania
Naschzaube Maus

Government: Elasdected Dictatorship
Culture: Tide God, Bakuki Theater, Hostage Nobles, Lion Pride
Economy: City-State Maritime Mercantile
Military: Specialist Fleet, Testudo Pikemen, Galleons, War Wagons
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• A trading company is given a massive grant for establishing a new colony in the Hudson Bay. The colony is initially attacked by Sioux and Ottawan armies, but the frigid cold of the far north prevents them from successfully committing to a siege, and they soon call off the war.
• Gunpowder weapons are mounted onto armored carts. These 'war wagons' fail to perform adequately very far from roads, being very easily bogged down in mud or trapped between trees.
• For some reason, fear of natural disasters grips the nation. Perhaps it was the latest Bakuki play, Fear the Wave, which inspired this sudden outbreak of paranoia. Regardless of the cause, Zellania begins organizing evacuation plans in the event of… well, anything.
• The new cannons are mounted on ships, outmoding the balista.
• An expedition successfully charts the entire coast of Africa, discovering a path of travel to reach India by sea.

Naval Monte
CrowTheMagician

Government: Constitutional Republic
Culture: Totemic Rites, Gender Equality, Infinity Faith, Meritocracy, Persian Heritage, Egalitarianism, Compulsory Education
Economy: State Mercantilism, Glass Hegemony
Military: Large Galley Fleet, Meritocracy, Elite Horse Archers, Shadow Men, Specialist Forces, Specialist Fleets, Longboats
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• The Navans become expert glassware crafters, leading Europe and Africa in both production quality and quantity.
• Money is sunk into culture. The state doles out vast amounts of currency to expand the domain of the faithful, constructing temples and monasteries wherever the people call for them to be built.
• Cannons make their way into the Navan armed forces.
• With the plagues gone, the state opts to pour funding into the arts. Naval Monte undergoes a cultural renaissance in which literature, architecture, and many other arts are revolutionized. The concept of beauty changes almost overnight, and the skyline of many cities changes as new-style buildings are constructed or old buildings are artistically renovated.
• Guilds are established for most skilled trades. The meeting hall for the guilds is built into the great library, which is by now renowned throughout the world as the most extensive collection of literature ever arranged.

Kingdom of Riveria
Crimeariver

Government: Feudal Monarchy
Culture: Dendrolatry, Spruceborn Faith, Economic Principles, Persian Heritage, State Religion
Economy: State Mercantilism
Military: Mob Army, Fortified Alps, Civic Duty Archers, Galleons
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Gunpowder technology is stolen from the Mongol camp which broke through the Vakuni walls. Word reaches Riveria of Indian cannons, and they are successfully replicated alongside arquebus.
• A well-funded expedition sails west in three contingents. Their initial goal of finding friendly natives to trade with is a failure, as all of the native peoples are highly aggressive and suspicious of foreigners. The secondary goal of finding a route to China, however, is a great success. Well stocked and equipped for the journey, the three ships find their way along the west coast of the Americas, past Doonish Alaska, and into a Japanese port. Restocking there, they move from port to port along regularly travelled trade lanes until they reach Egypt and send word of their success back home.

States of the Rising Sword
TillsterRulz

Government: Republican Monarchy
Culture: Honor, Meritocratic Mystery Cults, Meritocracy, Guilds
Economy: State Mercantilism, War Economy
Military: Bonfire Watchtowers, Repeating Crossbows
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon
Flashpoints: Loan Fraud Crisis

• It is declared that the Monarchy of Roses has failed to pay what they owe on many loans. However, it is well known that this is an outright fabrication, and many financial institutions refuse to do business with Sword merchants or the Sword States due to this fraud.
• War is declared on the Roses.
• The trade restrictions are lifted due to the end of the plague.
• A centralized mint is established, bringing the counterfeiting crisis to an end.
• The King declares that all industries, if they are not geared towards the basic upkeep of society, should be diverted towards war. There is much concern that this may be a permanent change, but for the time being it seems to be an effective measure that few are protesting openly.

Syserror
Butterscotch (of Death)

Government: Elected Dual Dictatorship
Culture: Kebab Faith, Free Religion, Persian Heritage, Sexual Rev.
Economy: Maritime Mercantile
Military: Military Schooling, Knights of Iskender, Galleons
Tech: Arquebus, Cannon

• Constantinople is fortified significantly, with seven layers of great walls being built in succession around the city.
• Doonish migrants come to Syserror and are allowed to settle wherever it is convenient. As it turns out, considering the plagues and the Mongols, most of Anatolia is very convenient. The people in Anatolia who remain are gradually absorbed into the Doonish culture and Tedizm begins to spread throughout the region.
• The times are gotten with.
• Society undergoes a sexual revolution when the top theorists of Kebabism have decided that sexual purity is an unnecessary drag upon the world. Laws regarding buggery, sodomy, and adultery are repealed. Swingers, homosexuals, and other deviants are now very open about their behavior. Some of the more conservative provinces react poorly to this change, stoning and lynching deviants that expose their lifestyle choices publicly. However, most of the nation was already fairly liberal in its sexuality already, and the change does not present too significant of an issue for the majority of people.
• An expedition is sent to establish a colony on the Red Sea, but they are sent home by an angry Levantine governor who refuses to allow them to settle in his new province.
• Kebab missionaries are sent to the new world in Katia, the former Blood Kingdom. They fail to gain significant ground in converting the locals to their faith.

MacTire and the Swords declare war. Utilizing new cannons, the Swords manage to destroy almost every castle on the borders, breaking apart walls into rubble before they even moved into firing range of the towers. The MacTire land on the eastern coast, completely bypassing the fort line, invading Marrakesh as well.

The King declares that all industries, if they are not geared towards the basic upkeep of society, should be diverted towards war. There is much concern that this may be a permanent change, but for the time being it seems to be an effective measure that few are protesting openly.

Also I do hope my actions this turn do not affect former acquaintances and we can still conduct business.

There's no more Muslims and barely any Kebabs left in Syserror!

STOP. REMOVING. MY. KEBABS.

Well what the hell did you expect would happen when you literally invited a bunch of foreigners with their own culture into your country?

@Laud and Dornan

Nice work guys we brought an end to the Mongols much sooner. Now with the Mongols gone we all can focus on other matters.

@Africa

Your gonna pay for destroying my two colonies and for giving my people Malaria. I hope enjoyed your days of tribal witch doctors and elder chiefs cause those days are over. A new day is coming and those we resist the winds of change will be destroyed.

(I am aware that not all Africans lived in tribal communities, I know that there were towns and city states back than).

Africa next turn:

Don't forget Africa Destroyed my colonies as well and ate my Kebabs. They'll be facing more than one angry european invader

Well technically I'm an African nation going to invade other parts of Africa but since I've been hanging around with European states for so long I might as well be a part of Europe. I will admit that as much as I want to make Africa pay for what they done to my people I will not enslave any of the natives.

Everybody talking about revenge and completely ignoring the real reason for colonizing anything: raw resources to fuel your industrial economy.

Actually that was my plan for the two previous colony attempts and it still is, I just have a second goal in mind.

1. Get resources to fuel my economy

2. Revenge

3.

4. Profit.

@Syndic

Why do you think I tried to expand into africa in the first place?

I'm only playing the revenge card to excuse myself from being a warmongering imperialist conquerer

>mfw already in africa

@BSoD

I'll send you some more Muslim missionaries. I don't really want a culture clash, but goddamn it we need our kebab.

Also, sorry about the Red Sea colony. That was for Cyprus.

I am now announcing that me and Crimeariver are constructing the Suez Canal! Any yuropoors will soon be able to finally sail in that sweet, sweet Indian Ocean.

Lol, Raper Infantry.

It was a typo. It should say Reaper. You know, because scythes, and the reaping.

I will never live down this shame.

@Stalemate

Nah don't worry about sending the missionaries, I don't actually care what my national religion is.

That was my plan when I told you about the deal of us having duel ownership of Egypt and that was also the part of my deal where I said that both of us can be rich nations. Of course I kept the Suez Canal part a secret cause I wanted to be the first to reach the Indian ocean.

@BSoD

…I've already sent missionaries.

Ah well, I'm not bothered editing so unless you want the missionaries out right away I'll just stick with it.

@Crow

Well too bad, it looks me and Crimeariver look set to be first in the Indian Ocean. I won't hesitate to let you through the canal though, so there's that.

@ Stalemate

Let me through as well. We're friends right???

Considering that I'm going to allow just about anyone else, sure. Me and Crimeariver are the only ones with absolute unrestricted access though.

@Europe with gunpowder now

And then risk the natives getting their hands on them when you are inevitably wiped out thus making it even harder to take pieces from it. On top of the fact you have nothing to give us for it.

Thanks but no thanks.

@Stalker

Just like what Spider said if we give you guns than the natives will get them. Maybe you'll get guns once we have better guns like the Maxim machine gun, medicines and a huge army from our future African colonies. Whether we will come in with tanks, planes, airships and chemical weapons in the future is anyone's guess.

@spider&crow

>Roses has cannons
>is in South America.
Your worrying about the native getting guns… Yet you forget the Roses has it too.

The native are going to steal it from roses.

Firstly the have better chance of defending themselves.

The roses aren't being attacked.

And its possible they might not even survive that long.

@Spider
> and it's possible they might not even survive that long
That's what I'm worried. If they die fast, the native will take the CANNONS

Also the Doon has cannons and it's in NORTH FUCKING AMERICA

@Stalker

Unlike you, both Doon and the Roses seem to be on good grounds with the Natives and aren't trying to literally fuck everything sideways