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How do you deal with your social anxiety?

Last posted Mar 18, 2018 at 04:19PM EDT. Added Mar 13, 2018 at 01:52PM EDT
25 posts from 20 users

Any user here deal with this?

If so, Do you have a certain method of getting through your grueling moments of being out In public?

For me, the only method I can think of is just getting in and out as quickly as possible, much like going through a Zone in a Sonic Game.

Most of the time it's not that bad, I can hold minor conversations then go on my merry way. It's the 5% of conversations that can go south I'm worried about:

>When confronted about something you said:

>When that doesn't work and they press:

Freezing is my social weakness. It can happen with the above, or it can happen when I'm suddenly thrust upon a task and other people are egging me on to do it when I'm given no prior instruction.

Last edited Mar 13, 2018 at 03:22PM EDT

Well first off, what is the cause of your social anxiety?

Without understanding what causes it, it is pretty hard to offer concrete advice on how to best deal with it.

Zombie_Boy wrote:

Well first off, what is the cause of your social anxiety?

Without understanding what causes it, it is pretty hard to offer concrete advice on how to best deal with it.

Bad Experiences in School, being bullied both physically and mentally, being outcast by communities, The Rise of toxic radical groups, Trust Issues…

I could go on.
But for the sake of not boring everyone, I Won't.

Last edited Mar 13, 2018 at 04:47PM EDT

"Bad Experiences in School, being bullied both physically and mentally"

So all this right here was my issue, middleschool and highschool was Hell. Oddly enough, going to college helped me heal. "Another school? What??" I have this psychological hunch that if you go to a place associated with something you hate, but have a fun time, you slowly but surely chip away at whatever grips you. I mean, otherwise, I would dread every day going there.

I get really fucking stressed out about the source of it (interview, speech, etc.), then after it goes okay I reflect on the positives and downplay any negatives to avoid a nasty feedback loop from starting.

I've also found that repetition of the source, as horrible as it is to think about and do, really does help to make it a lot better. The first interview/speech's horrible, but by the tenth, the practice makes things go a lot smoother and stress-free.

NobodyWorthTheTime wrote:

Bad Experiences in School, being bullied both physically and mentally, being outcast by communities, The Rise of toxic radical groups, Trust Issues…

I could go on.
But for the sake of not boring everyone, I Won't.

Well, I myself was bullied from grade 3 till grade 9. Didn't stop until I moved, even though I was bigger and tougher then everybody else in my age group -- I'm not violent enough to go about kicking ass and taking names. So I just endured.

Anyways, for the longest time after I was a loner. Still am, but now its by choice rather than the demons and negative thoughts and self-hatred keeping me locked up. Always thought I was ugly or something was seriously wrong with me cause I had trouble being sociable with others even though I wanted to. Missed out on all that sorta stuff when I was getting picked on, so it made it harder to interact with people. Whatever trust issues I had arose from my own self-loathing and doubting pretty much everything when I was interacting with people ("Are they really being nice or are they being two-faced?"). Missed out on alot of chances with women throughout the years thanks to my own stupidity, hindsight being 20/20.

I realized during that time I needed to change and improve upon my ability to be sociable and not a complete mute. I rather like the results as I am rather verbose and gregarious when need be compared with how I was a little over 10 years ago. Women do not petrify me like before. And so on.

"By Design." Is what I told myself. So I got a job where I was interacting with the public on an almost constant basis. Actually practiced how to smile in the mirror too, lol. That helped in dealing with people on a formal level, greetings and being polite and such. It also provides a framework for when dealing with your co-workers as well; you're just there for work and self-improvement, and being able to socialize ("Shoot the breeze") with them helps further expand, refine and most importantly, learn social graces for when dealing with people, like women.

Its like that theory wherein the more you expose yourself to something the less "shock" value something has. Only through interacting with a myriad of people can you eventually learn to overcome your social anxiety. There are alot of people out there whom are more than willing to give you "life advice" on pretty much anything -- older more experienced bros to those sexy cougars. You'll only be able to find such people when you venture out into IRL MMO.

Will this 100% cure you? No. But its a start. Its never easy, there will be awkward moments where you'd want to die from embarassment. However, nothing good is ever gotten easy. As much as you can sit there and be try to unravel everything through introspection, sometimes you'll just have to let it go. Pain, suffering, torment. No use in hanging onto a past that just weighs you down. Use it as fuel for a better tomorrow ("I won't let them beat me!"). Save yourself some time and realize you do have worth, you do matter and you have qualities others would find attractive.

Right now you're going through Hell. Just keep going. Its not infinite, even though it may seem to be. One day with the right tools, hardwork and determination you'll eventually end up in a better place, and then whenever you have to revisit Hell it'll be a walk in the park. :)

Have you heard of anxiety reappraisal? The human brain treats anxiety and excitement similarly, as the "aroused emotions". By simply telling yourself that you're excited repeatedly when you feel nervous, about a speech or an interview or whatever, it's possible to switch your emotional state to excitement.

I love public speaking but it also terrifies me; I feel a potent mixture of excitement and nervousness whenever I have to give a public speech, for a class or debate society or just whenever. When you're on the fence like that, anxiety reappraisal allows you to turn that 50/50 into full excitement.

Damn, I just realizesd that my trust issues are so strong and severe that I can only take these pieces of advice with a grain of salt.

But you are actually trying to help me out, (Which I still doubt), I will still have my issues with Depression and my Self-Esteem.

My Future is definitely not looking bright.

ballstothewall wrote:

50mg of Prozac a day.

The specific one I am on is called Sertraline.

Same, pretty much. Fluoxetine has cleared my head and stopped me focusing on all the negatives in life. I used to be pretty paranoid as well but drurgz have allowed me to learn how to not give a fuck about shit like that.
The problem now is that I swear to fucking god I have ADD or something. I've been taking driving lessons recently and I cannot for the life of me concentrate on anything my instructor says; literally in one ear and out the other. It seems to be going well regardless.

Also, throwing this out there jus' cuz; you should never be afraid or embarrassed to go to a doctor if you feel like you have problems because they probably have to look at a stranger's rusty bullet hole at least once a day. I don't know what it's like in the US but over here every doctor I've ever met has been professional and supportive and other positive adjectives.

Last edited Mar 13, 2018 at 09:06PM EDT

I don't have any of those hip standard internet forum user mental issues, but what helped me get much more familiar with dealing with strangers was a retail job.

It comes with the job description. At first you of course suck balls at it and at most can answer the basic questions, but give it some time and you'll positively approach any struggling customer by yourself. This confidence then also reflects itself in your daily life.

Last edited Mar 14, 2018 at 12:50PM EDT

I sometimes like to go for walks. It helps me focus on my surroundings and keeps me from my internal thoughts.

Also, as RandomMan said, working in customer service can be beneficial. It's a stressful job and some customers might be impatient with you, but if you learn about the merchandise and keep a calm demeanor, you'll feel more confident when helping customers.

I used to have this problem, but I realized that everyone has it and worrying about it exacerbates the symptoms. So I just ignore everyone else and mentally block out their faces. After all, when is the last time you remembered someone you saw in a public area? Everyone you see will forget about you almost immediately anyway.

I can't actually. It's not some bullshit symptom developed from lack of human contact by being a vegetable on the internet, I have had it all my life and it's shit. No matter how hard I try I cannot bring myself to speak with strangers unless absolutely necessary.

Last edited Mar 15, 2018 at 04:42AM EDT

With a serving of "Faux Philosophical Rambling" soup, complimented with a tasty sampler of "Misinterpreting The Situation" , "Thinking Out Loud" , and "Crushing Self Deprecation" .

Served with "Nervous Laughter" and "Facepalm" dipping sauces. Delicious!

Last edited Mar 17, 2018 at 10:25AM EDT

I'm sorry I'm not being helpful, but most of the time I just kind of don't deal with it. I'm a shut-in as a result. I rarely leave my house.

I just take my medicine and hope I don't have a breakdown in public.

Last edited Mar 18, 2018 at 11:50AM EDT

Booze helps, but also can make socializing worse. once you past the point of no return (drinking too much) you scare away everyone and end up in a pile of your own waste. lol

But taking a quick shot before going into a personal conversation actually gives you confidence that combined with your natural intellect, you can be the star of the conversation.

I'm in no way going to encourage this as a fail safe, but myself and what RM said, you have to just get used to interacting with people. It's a learned behavior and really only can be learned by practicing it in everyday situations. If you have, let's say a job where you interact with people all day everyday, you will pick up "reaction"s and easily guide your way through a conversation.

I still freeze up time to time when a certain figure approaches, but it's all a learning experience.

Skeletor-sm

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