Gru's Height Copypasta
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Gru's Height Copypasta refers to a copypasta which analyzes the height and physical power of Gru from the Despicable Me films based on known statistics from the film's lore, concluding that Gru must be the most powerful being in the universe.
On April 5th, 2018, Tumblr user drkinfession posted an analysis of Gru with relation to known Despicable Me lore, concluding Gru is the most powerful being in the universe. The post gained over 30,000 notes (shown below). The copypasta reads:
Gru is the most powerful being in the universe, and here’s why: according to the height of a Minion (which is 3.5 feet on average) Gru is 4 minions tall, which means he is a godly size of 14 feet tall. Second if any of you remember the original Despicable Me, you Know there is a scene when Vector kidnaps the three girls and shoots a series of heat-seeking misses at Gru, he then dodge them all. According to the speed of an average ballistic missile (1900 mph) and the size of the missile according to his ankle size, Gru can perceive and move at such a speed that the missiles only move 9.5 miles per hour, 0.5% of their original speed. Plus after this Gru punches a shark and it is paralyzed meaning its spine is probably shattered, to remind you it would require a force greater than 3,000 newtons to fracture the spine. That’s equal to the impact created by a 500-pound car crashing into a wall at 30 miles per hour. I rest my case.
On April 19th, 2018, the post appeared on /r/theydidthemath, where it gained over 2,800 points. It was posted the following day to /r/copypasta, where it gained over 1,200 points. On June 30th, 2018, YouTuber Slazo made a video about the copypasta, gaining over 1.9 million views (shown below). Buzzfeed covered the Gru's height discovery in December of that year.
The copypasta was revived in December when a different copypasta about Gru's penis which referenced the original began to spread. On December 28th, 2018, user jimkaxon1 posted the copypasta to /r/copypasta, gaining over 7,600 points. The copypasta reads:
We all know Gru is the godly height of 14.5 feet tall and can move at a speed of 200 Meters per second. Based on average dick size, Gru’s penis is around 14 inches long. Also, Gru’s dick would weigh around 2 pounds considering the average weight of a dick is .77 lbs. If he swung his dick in a circular manner, it would have the centripetal acceleration of 72.57 meters per second. This means that gru can dickslap with the immense energy of 11,421 pounds per sq inch at a tip speed greater than 584415.58336974 MPH. In conclusion, Gru’s dickslap has enough energy to smash through 6” reinforced concrete and will cause a thunderclap as his dick breaks the sound barrier. I rest my case.
Jk, I further my case by pointing out The avg speed of ejaculate is 28 mph. This means that gru can ejaculate at a speed of roughly 70 MPH when standing still. If he decides to fling his ejaculate by swinging his dick in a circular fashion, it will travel at 584415.5*70= 40,909,085 mph. This means Gru’s ejaculate travels at a speed greater than 24 thousand times the speed of a bullet. Considering the average mass of ejaculate, 3.5 g, gru’s semen will impact the target with the energy of 1.715e9 Jouls, or roughly the amount of energy released in 667 pounds of TNT. In conclusion, if gru decided to weaponize his penis, he could easily conquer the world.
Now I rest my case
This was parodied in several photoshops. A post on /r/memes by user malharsk98 used the "What If We Used 100% of the Brain" template with the copypasta, gaining over 9,600 points (shown below, left). Another post by user zif_the_water_bear to the subreddit referenced the copypasta, gaining over 440 points (shown below, right).
 Tumblr – drkinfession
 Reddit – /r/theydidthemath
 Reddit – /r/copypasta
 Reddit – /r/copypasta
 Buzzfeed – I Just Learned An Incredibly Disturbing Fact About Gru From Despicable Me
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Jan 18, 2019 at 08:12PM EST
Jan 19, 2019 at 04:00AM EST
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