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Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Fox News segments and then asked it to write a Fox News segment of its own. Here is the first page FOX NEWS WHITEMAN (CONT'D) NEWS FLASH: We've got 9/11 calling in to the show. Hello, 9/11? INT. NEWS SEWER LOCK HER UP A news anchor, GUY WHITEMAN, sits on a y Obama just Sandy Hooked Bengha A graphic appears on screen with the tex The graphic dies. Cut back to the anchor Earlier today, Jeb Bush offere for a pound of Muslims and Tru A picture of Jeb Bush eating his own hea The picture dies. Cut back to the anchor WHITEMAN WHITEMAN Lock her up? again! LOCK HER UP OBAMA STOPPED THE HOLOCAUST = ZERO. l dies. Cut back to the anchor WHITEMAN Good call. WHITEMAN (CONT 'D) buy America from President Tr WHITEMAN (CONT'D) Up next, samantha Bee admits she's the ghost of Osama bin Laden and that there's nothing wrong with that. But first, is Amazon gay? We think so and don't need proof. said no no no. blood

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Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of horror movies and then asked it to write a horror movie of its own. Here is the first page. HORROR MOVIE EXT. HOUSE THAT WEARS HOCKEY MASK An OLD MAN cuts the grass by stabbing it with an axe. 4 TEENS arrive in a car that runs on sex. They exit car. It is Spring Break, time for teens to guzzle fluids and die off. TEEN 1 Old man, you do not belong. We rent this house for week of young times. OLD MAN I am caretaker. I care. Do not stay in house. Kitchen is a monster. Witch is basement. Beds are ghosts. Sink hates priests. TV is a book. TEEN 2 Get buried. You are a waste of age! Teen 2 is the state jerk. His college major is Vodka Law. TEEN 3 Maybe we leave? This place gives me the crepes. TEEN 4 Stop acting chicken. Your virginity is making you a bird, as usual. The house door swings open. A little girl comes out orphanly. TEEN 2 Your sobriety is not appreciated. Teen 2 throws a can of gin at the little girl. The little girl turns into a TEXAS CHAINSAW, but is still orphan. TEXAS CHAINSAW Die, y'all. Houston Dallas. Teen 3 makes a scream. Teen 4 makes a Scream 2. The Texas Chainsaw cuts off Teen 2's body. His blood says hi to all. TEEN 1 No! Teen 2 needs a body to drink. Teen 3 calls 911 but a Frankenstein answers and is upset. OLD MAN Run into the car. Go! I end this. Teen 1 and Teen 3 run into house. Teen 4 runs into chainsaw. OLD MAN (CONT'D) That is not the car. >

Botnik Studios @botnikstudios •OTNIK We used predictive keyboards trained on all seven books to ghostwrite this spellbinding new Harry Potter chapter botnik.org/content/harry-.. THE SPELLBINDINC NATIONAL BESTSELLER Harty Potter yey had and mn wid Hey d The D that d iw He Fer depel h ein l Vd d nery lde wnd ly "Temde ha e layhe y h ide er bdy r nd a The deple b t n tha R d Ro anding oude dhe d andeod Ther d d wiches rknd den adel Te hee f Dh a ed Reched and the Pabuit f adat Lookad Like dogh Harye depel He e i The De E w dl Hay ww hnge du e had ever heen "Lakd M S , de ybed g The Sd de ing o bow d ng lend " VOMENH Hers an nd H lyd D t al pend wa a Jange Re f Ah The G Hll wd w iole moing d w s d y M f opldel Sedg i h d Ho Du id e whool a had de d the 7 e me d D "Thunk E dly ked fdpl Ow the ndakidepd Al eer D E daped ps Then tey MGnagill Due's yk'mpld he he The f h he g pd pd e p buling 4 plad Du e hand had dhe plan magk ceilin Hag Magi good "We're the only people who matter. He's never going to get rid of us," Harry, Hermione, and Ron said in chorus. Le acros andi The floor of the castle seemed like a large pile of magic. The Dursleys had never been to the castle and they were not about to come there in Harry Potter and the Portrait of What Looked Like a Large Pile of Ash. Harry looked around and then fll down the spiral staircase for the rest of the summer. Re Conf 3BOTNK "I'm Harry Potter," Harry began yelling. "The dark arts harriad ah houl" 11:02 AM · 12 Dec 17

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These "I forced a bot to watch X" posts are almost certainly 100% human-written with no bot involved. Here's how you can tell. 1/12

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i forced a bot to let over 1,000 jokes go over its head on twitter and then asked it to write a comment on this tweet. here is the comment.

i forced a bot to let over 1,000 jokes go over its head on twitter and then asked it to write a comment on this tweet. here is the comment. Maximilian von Gaisberg @grunzwanzling42 Follow Replying to @KeatonPatti The script is great, but I highly doubt that a bot actually did write that. The overall structure is way to coherent even for state- of-the-art neural networks. There are also things in there that don't appear in any Saw movie like "Trump" or "Whale" 2:38 PM-3 Mar 2018 8 Retweets 644 Likes

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I forced a bot to read over 1,000 tweets claiming to be scripts written by bots online, then asked it to write a script itself. It wrote these two pages, then hung itself.

l forced a bot to read over 1,000 tweets claiming to be scripts written by bots online, then asked it to write a script itself. It wrote these two pages, then hung itself SITTING ON A Low MOUND, IS CHECKING TWITTER ON BOTH HIS PHONE INULTANEOUSLY VLADIMIR es on their own They all follow the same structure boring greetings that perfectly follow genre a set of tions ADIMİR a string of incoherent uxtapositions that merely exist to ish the lie of being created by a robot, that waste the reader's Several pages spread over ultiple inages, only for the ultimate ine to be a slightly incongruous image that would have been ruous no matter what, and is not improved by all the setup ESTRAGON to be done VLADIMIR nning to come around to that opinion myself. Especially with to jokes on Twitter, where the premise is that nt written by a robot, despite being written by a human q time is part of the genre, as if to let the reader thinkoh obviously a robot wouldn't have a straight throughline from to joke."But if the audience already knows it's a Joke, it's in re a piece ESTRAGON t's inherently wrong with a joke having a ie as part of its k you're just jealous that they get more retweets than your treatises on comedy VLADIMIR VLADIMIR joke wouldn't be funny without it being framed as being ereated ve actor, then is it really furny at all? The premise "a robot expect conedy to actually make me laugh! lis" is just asking the audience to lower their standards ESTRAGON ESTRAGON I think they're funny. So do thousands of other people, ally? Isn't that just part of the setup of the joke? "But I AM Pagliacci" isn't funny without the premise that a man a doctor, yet implies no dishonesty by asking the reader to : that a man went to the doctor ntly. I don't think we're going to agree on this one g to be done think of only one thing VLADIMIR VLADIMIR rue. But the joke is still funny if you don't believe that the : to the doctor. Is the sane true for the robot joke, if you : as a joke with a robot in the premise, and not a joke created ON STARTS BREAKDANCING ot? Is it really? ESTRAGON ENE sing you don't think it is

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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Here is the first page.

Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Olive Garden commercials and then asked it to write an Olive Garden commercial of its own. Here is the first page E GARDEN COMMERCIAL FRIEND 3 Leave without me. I'm home OLIVE GARDEN RESTAURANT WAITRESS Gluten Classico. From the kitchen oup of FRIENDS laughs at a dinner table. A WAITR eliver what could be considered food : Gluten Classico. We believe the waitress tl he kitchen. We have no reason not to believ WAITRESS Pasta nachos for you 4 says nothing ee the pasta nachos. They're warm and defeated FRIEND 1 PRIEND 1 What is wrong, Friend 4? The menu is here WAITRESS 4 says nothing Lasagna winge with extra Italy FRIEND 2 ee the laeagna wings. There'e more Italy than ne Friend 4, what is wrong, Friend 4? FRIEND 2 I shall eat Italian citizens. 4 smiles wide. Her mouth is full of secret WAITRESS Unlimited stick. (wet voice) Olive Garden. When You're Here, You're Here. ee the unlimited stick. It is infinite. It is al

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Tired of waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones? Given up on the hope that George RR Martin will ever finish the next book? Worry not, I forced a bot to learn every single book from the ASOIAF series, and asked it to write the most likely ending

Tired of waiting for the next season of Game of Thrones? Given up on the hope that George RR Martin will ever finish the next book? Worry not, I forced a bot to learn every single book from the ASOIAF series, and asked it to write the most likely ending This is an extract. Birds festered in the cro wd and alag-about arekery. .14id. blood squirted out of Tyrion Lannister, as his shoulders slumped, hard, against the King. They struck her face between two fish as easily as a beetroot that spilled over the sea. The bloody trees were moving away from Westeros, and they roamed the North. All Bran had to do was no thing. His Aya s looking at Grezbeard's wagons hanging from his eyes, he wheeled them back and forth until they made her skin crawl. confortable. Iyrion sighed a great deal, as heaa dead. "ell thia ia sbeurd", he refleeted. The King pointed to ㄾ child, and aid ·lt 1 feeble and helpless and I abould coaand it to die. The Kle豸 was called Cutjack wa8 the Lord of Light. sround the Prince, anorted, and sallow manhood. "Perbsps you1 nilk it?" he asked. Arza threw is in his eyes. "No".,he thought politelz The Iron Throne wae gro ing taller with every stroke, and Jon could hear the laughter of his uncle follow him to Dorne like the shrieks of a vengeful moth. The children exchanged uneasy glances. His sword hilt horse?"ced nd oiled" ..Yotg will oot be Queen! he relled, and swept her oush off her face. The naid was dead aad ber Bunder

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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Transformers movies and then asked it to write a Transformers movie of its own. Here is the first page.

Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Transformers movies and then asked it to write a Transformers movie of its own Here is the first page 1998 CAMRY I have transformed. Your turn. ANSFORMERS 6: CARS BECOME OTHER CARS t 2003 Elantra transforms into a DVD of Pixar' s г. JUNK YARD -NIGHT (POST-DAY) DVD OF CARS 2 GUY WITH HAIR locks the gate to the junk yard I have transformed. GUY WITH HAIR Good night, junk. I have to go to 1998 CAMRY Now we must wait for optimus Prime my daughter's birthday party- ildn't have a birthday. He falls off a cliff. 크ntra. we think they're normal cars, but we're lies. The guy doesn't have a daughter, and if wait 3 years. An Uber drives up to the unk see a 1996 Toyota Camry parked next to a 2003 1 y're Transformers 1998 CAMRY (CONT'D) Optimus Prime is here UBER It is I, Optimus Prime. I must transform 1996 CAMRY The human has left. : Uber transforms into a Lyft. 2003 ELANTRA LYFT Yes. We can now transform into our true identities. Now let's Shia LaBeouf. 1996 Toyota Camry transforms into a 1998 Toyot cars all shia LaBeouf until they run out of g

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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Adam Sandler movies and then asked it to write another one, but all my knives are missing now?

I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Adam Sandler movies and then asked it to write another one, but all my knives are missing now?

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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Saw movies and then asked it to write a Saw movie of its own. Here is the first page.

Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti l forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Saw movies and then asked it to write a Saw movie of its own. Here is the first page. SEXY DOLL Becky, you are ineide a whale SAW 9: SAWITDABA DA BANG DA BANG DIGG cky now realizes she's inside a whale. She's fine w INT. WHALE SEXY DOLL (CONT D) A sexy woman, BECKY SEXWOMAN, įs cove a bed. She s in a whale, but doesn't I hid the key to this whale inside your pancrea BECKY (whispers to self) BECKY AH! Blood is supposed to inside my body, not outside Good thing I'm a pancreas doctor SEXY DOLL An old TV turns on. We know it's old cobwebs and voted for Trump. The doll appears on the screen, but this time he's sexier because he's covered in s But since I know you're a pancreas doctor, I took it out of your pancreas and put it in one of your kidneys. The cool one SEXY DOLL (whispers to self) Hello, Becky. Want to play Ah, f---. I don't know kidneys countdown starts counting down from one hour on the BECKY Yes. of course. Don't be si Yes. 100%. Game please. SEXY DOLL Whoa, what the f--- is that? i didn't do that. Who did that? Becky still doesn't realize she's ins e whale did that

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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Pirates of the Caribbean movies and then asked it to write a Pirates movie of its own. Here is the first page.

Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Pirates of the Caribbean movies and then asked it to write a Pirates movie of its own Here is the first page. PIRATES OF THE CARIBBEAN: DEAD TAL DEAD DEAD DIE DEPP DEAD DEAD 2 POSEIDON I have a mission for you, at the end of the ocean! EXT. CARIBBEAN [RA KNIGHTLEY, the woman from Atonement (2007), CAPTAIN JACK SPARRON, pirates arou boat ship, sword in hand POSEIDON, Pope of the Water, jumps is the water, so now there's no wa KEIRA Time for some Atonement (2007) SPARROW Argh ! The water i8 gone! SMASE POSEIDON SILENCE! . CARIBBEAN Poseidon's eyes are beach balls SMAS POSEIDON (CONT Are you THE Jack Sparro other terrible movies? CARIBBEAN SMASH SPARROW That depends.. .what's in THE Jack Sparrow? .SOMEBODY ONCE TOLD ME THE WORLD WAS GONNA RO Tack drinks a bottle of Bacardi ru real bats

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I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 episodes of Jerry Springer and then asked it to write an episode of its own. Here is the first page.

Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti l forced a bot to watch over 1,000 episodes of Jerry Springer and then asked it to write an episode of its own Here is the first page JERRY PR DICTIVE T-- J1RRY ฮ.PR1nER Welcome to the atage, hio parente. UMBLENEED and ANOTHER TUMBLEWEED come on etage INT JERRY SPRINGER'S BRAIN AUDIENCE NO SOUP! FOR YOUI NO SOUPI FOR YOU! Today on the ahow we have a big bleweed and Another Tumbleweed fight Tumbleweed p HAIR peraon. Jerry Jerry! Jerryt Jerry! His parente are fed up with hie AUDIENCE CHAIR Hey, don't pick me up JERRY Tumbleweed doeen t lieten. bigness AUDIENCE LISTEN TO THE CHAIR! LISTEN TO THE CHAIR LISTEN TO THE CHAIR! AUDIENCE Seinfeld! Seinfeld! Seinfeld! Seinfeld! , Tumbleweed doe8n't list JERRY JERRY So we sent him to a prison bootoamp to scare him little We'1l be back after thie commercial Eor coffee you can't drink AUDIENCE kramer Kramer Kraner! Kraner

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Saw 9: Sawitdaba Da Bang Da Bang Diggy Diggy Diggy

Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti Follow I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of the Saw movies and then asked it to write a Saw movie of its own. Here is the first page SAW 9 SAWITDABA DA BANG DA BANG DIGGY DIGGY DIGGY INT WHALE A sexy woman, BECKY SEXWOMAN, is covered in blood, chained to a bed. She's in a whale, but doesn't know it yet BECKY AH!!! Blood is supposed to be inside my body, not outside it! An old TV turns on. We know it's old because it' s covered in cobwebs and voted for Trump. Thedoll from the other movies appears on the screen, but this time he's sexier. We know he's sexier because he's covered in sexwebs. SEXY DOLL Hello, Becky. Want to play a game? BECKY Yes. OI course. Don' t be sllLy Yes. 100%. Game please Becky still doesn't realize she's inside a whale. SEXY DOLL Becky, you are inside a whale Becky now realizes she's inside a whale. She's fine with it SEXY DOLL (CONT'D) I hid the key to this whale inside your pancreas BECKY (whispers to self) Good thing I'm a pancreas doctor SEXY DOLL But since I know you're a pancreas doctor, I took it out of your pancreas and put it in one of vour kidneys. The cool one BECKY (whispers to self) Ah, f---. I don't know kidneys A countdown starts counting down from one hour on the TV SEXY DOLL Whoa, what the f--- is that? 1I didn' t do that. Who did that? The whale did that.

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I Forced a Bot - I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Fox News segments and then asked it to write a Fox News segment of its own. Here is the first page.

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Keaton Patti @KeatonPatti I forced a bot to watch over 1,000 hours of Fox News segments and then asked it to write a Fox News segment of its own. Here is the first page FOX NEWS WHITEMAN (CONT'D) NEWS FLASH: We've got 9/11 calling in to the show. Hello, 9/11? INT. NEWS SEWER LOCK HER UP A news anchor, GUY WHITEMAN, sits on a y Obama just Sandy Hooked Bengha A graphic appears on screen with the tex The graphic dies. Cut back to the anchor Earlier today, Jeb Bush offere for a pound of Muslims and Tru A picture of Jeb Bush eating his own hea The picture dies. Cut back to the anchor WHITEMAN WHITEMAN Lock her up? again! LOCK HER UP OBAMA STOPPED THE HOLOCAUST = ZERO. l dies. Cut back to the anchor WHITEMAN Good call. WHITEMAN (CONT 'D) buy America from President Tr WHITEMAN (CONT'D) Up next, samantha Bee admits she's the ghost of Osama bin Laden and that there's nothing wrong with that. But first, is Amazon gay? We think so and don't need proof. said no no no. blood

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