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Depression This past year, I've become increasingly disillusioned and unhappy that my only really serious talent is in computer programming. Everything else I try and excel at goes absolutely nowhere. My studying has been off and on, but I realize that I've spent the last fifteen years of my life drawing and studying Japanese. I'm getting old, and my health is starting to fail. And yet my drawings look like something a ten year old would make, and I sound completely retarded whenever I try and say anything in Japanese. This is insane. It makes my physically ill to think about. Even if by some miracle, I mastered both of these tomorrow, half of my productive life in using these tools has been permanently lost, and I can never reclaim that time. At this rate, I won't be skilled in either before I am too old to do anything anymore. I'm going to end up dying almost entirely with regrets. I'm so f------ tired of it all. No amount of studying or practice ever seems to lead to any meaningful improvement. These human brains, especially mine, are so unbelievably f------ terrible. Intelligent design my god damned ass. It is absolutely absurd that to memorize a single word, I have to drill on it literally thousands of times before my brain takes the f------ hint. And by the time I do it, I've pushed two other words that I used to know out. Nobody would design something so unbelievably stupid, cruel and frustrating, unless they were a sadist. But I won't ever give up: I'm just going to have to go completely insane on it and dedicate every last free hour I have to them. Life isn't worth living if we can no longer better ourselves. This will be probably the longest shot I've ever taken, but .. if anyone out there is fluent in Japanese (as in, not "I took a college course once and I have a Japanese girlfriend"), and is willing to chat with me about anything, I would truly appreciate that more than words could express. I'd be happy to return the favor with lessons on English, programming, emulation, reverse engineering, ROM hacking or server administration. I need someone to have actual communication with. But I know what a tall order that is: who would want to talk to someone they could barely understand, right? It drives me up the wall trying to listen to people who can't speak English, so it's only fitting that the reverse would apply to me. It's not that I choose to be annoyed by bad English, yet it's still karmic justice, right?

Byuu Depression


Uploaded by Brandon Jun 29, 2021 at 08:18AM EDT

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Origin Entry: Near / Byuu Suicide

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kiwifarms.net DEATH NotE Log in Sustained Denial of Service attacks. Paid for botnet. Service will continue to be disrupted until I can contact other providers and arrange a fix. Sister services to the forum will have longer downtime. There's still ongoing service- level attacks which are causing intermittent errors and general slowness. Community Happenings Featured Content My response regarding Byuu Yesterday at 5:15 PM / Near II
From: Null <null@kiwifarms.net> To: byuu <byuu@byuu.org> Date: June-26-2021 1:10 PM You're putting me in a very uncomfortable position. The smartest thing for me to do is simply ignore your email, but I generally try to be nice to people. Every word that I say in reply to you will eventually be used against me. If I help you, I've censored my website and my users may be upset. If I don't help you, I could be under investigation due to your actions. Even if my users don't care, accepting money as you've offered could be a violation of some extortion laws. I will have to consult at least one of my attorneys regarding the criminality of this issue no matter what. Though in follow-up, why does this small discussion thread bother you so much? If you're in Japan, taking medication, and making enough money to have $120,000 in liquidity laying around, what does the Kiwi Farms deprive you of to make it worth that much money or your life? I don't see anyone on the thread talking about hurting you, so I don't understand what you mean by "what they'll do next".
There is a claim that Byuu was 'doxed, then harassed in real life. This is also false. Nobody knows who Byuu is. Even after years, nobody knows his last name. Nobody knows where he lives. Nobody knows where he works. He is completely anonymous and even now it is not possible to do a wellness check on him. Byuu emailed me before posting his tweet chain. You can read it here. In it, he attempted to exort me. Byuu claimed that if I did not delete all information about him on the forum, he would kill himself and blame me. He offered me $120,000 cash. I saw this as a legally and morally dubious offer at best, entrapment at worst, so I declined. He also offered me his services helping write software for the Kiwi Farms. I told him I would have to consult an attorney regardless. He did not wait even 24 hours after his first email before closing communications and deciding to go through with his plan at 3am my time. In his emails to me, he promised a trusted friend would deliver a scan of his passport on Twitter within 5 hours of him killing himself as proof. Two days later, we still do not have this passport scan or any evidence he has killed himself besides the testimony of a Twitter user, citing an anoynmous third party. The Kiwi Farms is an entertainment site. It exists to talk about people. The site does not exist to punish people. It's not a Jigsaw-esque torture chamber to teach people the value of life. It's Internet nerds gossiping about their favorite e-celebs. In the 8 years we've been around, Byuu is the first person to name the Kiwi Farms as a cause of suicide, despite claiming not even a year ago he had no issues with his forum thread. His intentions are clear, but nothing else about this story is. If he was going to have to abandon the 'Byuu' persona and disappear anyways, why not pull this stunt? I will not be extorted. Josh <josh@jaw.sh> bclqvghgzdewy7tar78uy29ypqjwaur3ueecknln69
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Uploaded Jun 29, 2021 at 08:18AM EDT

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Near / Byuu Suicide

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kiwifarms

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byuu, suicide, kiwifarms

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