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Granted, you procrastinate anyway

I wish for a taco.

Granted, but it's made out of your family and friends.

I wish I could go back in time to watch any show while new episodes were still coming out.

Granted, but there are a ton of commercials that take up more time than the show and you have to wait two weeks for new episodes.
Simple wish here- I wish for a 1973 Dodge Charger.

Granted, but you can only drive it when it's out of gas, and it only runs out of gas if you drive it.

I wish students in a school district were generally much more associated with each other, which would still apply to kids that go to college, even if they go to college far away.

Granted, but the students are only politically associated and will abandon their friends based purely on politics.

I wish I lived alone on Mars.

Granted, but visitors steal all your stuff. Since they don't live on Mars, you can't get it back.

I wish Coyote would catch and eat Road Runner.

Granted, but he doesn't cook it right and ends up barfing for four days.

I wish I could see into the future, so I can get rich doing insider trading.

You do get rich but you didn't see the coming stock market crash and you loose all your money and become homelss

I wish i summoned Katarina in FE heroes

Granted, but Katarina's AI becomes sentient and takes over control of the app. She becomes the best player in the world and all you can do is watch.

I wish I had Excalibur from the Fate series.

Granted, but you have to use projection magic. Also, swords are literally sticking out of your arm because of this.

I wish I was able to start a holy grail war IRL.

Granted, but someone corrupts all the Servants and turns them against their masters.
So, basically, you'd be living out Fate/Grand Order.

I wish I had bulletproof skin.

Granted, but you get shot in the eyes.

I wish Huey, Dewey, and Louie wouldn't tell Webby when they're about to go on an adventure with Scrooge McDuck.

Granted, but they die in the adventure because Webby would be a convenient plot device to save them from their doom.

I wish to change the thread's title into "corrupt a fish".

Granted, nobody notices.

I wish for rope.

Granted, you get rope burns.

I wish the next movie to be released would be edited at the last minute to include many of my personal inside jokes.

Granted, the movie tanks and reviewers trash it.

I wish Colin Kaepernick would punch Tom Brady in the dick.

Granted, but nobody got any video or photos of it happening.

I wish for a new washing machine.

Granted, but it's extremely confusing to use and all the writing is in Mandarin.

I wish SyFy hadn't cancelled Dark Matter.

Granted, but Berman and Braga take over the show.

I wish I had a computer that didn't crash.

Granted, but your car crashes instead.
I wish I could eat as much as I want.

Granted, but you still gain weight from it.
I wish I could die instantly

Granted, but you reincarnate into a Nazi.

I wish anyone who tries to litter would be severely electrocuted.

Granted, but they line their clothes with rubber.

I wish police weren't as militarized.

Granted. Now instead of shooting guns, they throw rocks.

I wish to bust down doors while wearing just my drawers.

Granted, but you're not wearing shoes so you'll always stub your toes.

I wish I had peace and quiet while welding.

Granted. As you weld, the room you're in gently floats off into sea.

I wish my tongue was a country.

Granted, but that country is Somalia, and it stings.

I wish I was famous.

Granted, you become a meme. Congrats.

I wish classical music makes a return and blow all the shitty music industry/artist who are only in it for money and fame and have no soul of an artist away.

Granted but Justin Bieber is considered clasical music.

I wish somebody slapped my ass.

Granted, but that's only the first thing they slap.

I wish the Pokémon dub was exactly like the original (just translated).

Granted, it is translated to binary.

I wish traps weren't gay

Granted. Traps themselves are not gay, but you who are into them certainly are.

I wish for early snow this year and dragged long until July of next year.

Granted but the snow is so strong most of the world freezes to death, leaving you to fare alone in a postapocaliptic wasteland.

I wish I had a cat.

Granted, but he's whiny and the only thing that keeps him from running off is treats.

I wish my rent would stop going up once a year.

Granted, your apartment is destroyed. The rent stops going up, because there is no longer anything to rent.

I wish for a cure for ADD.

Granted, we stop getting useful and clever inventions from ADD addled engineers.

I wish it was easier to keep track of my cat.

Granted, you cat is dead.

I wish my cellphone had unlimited battery

Granted, but you cat stand how it keeps getting lost in the first place.

NINJA'D: Granted, but you only get a little bit of phone. As in, just the bottom tenth of your phone.

I wish I could get into any college for free.

Granted, you can enter any college any time you like, but you can never leave!

I wish I was funny

I can't grant a wish that you've already granted yourself.

I wish America would leave the Middle East alone.

Granted. But Middle East (the bad part that secretly supports terrorists anyway) still jihad the shit out of everybody anyway, so Russia stepped in and shitblast them into the orbit and claim the territory and install a nuclear launching base there, and the Second Cold War begin and it starts off with the Iraq Missile Crisis: Nuclear Boogaloo.

I wish for a better psychosomatic health care, in both the advances of psychology and accessibility to the public. So that people would not shit on each internet behind screen like a repressed psychopath, and that people would not go on shooting spree to get a suicide by cop or just to vent.

Granted but it is controlled by the illuminati so everyone is brainwashed and a perfect citizen now.

I wish the leader of the illuminati.

Granted, but the triangle pokes you.

I wish I could come up with jokes faster.

Granted but they all suck

I wish I was a cyborg

Granted, but you now have to cope with being both a machine and a human, everyone is scared of you, the goverment it's spying you, you are one day interrogated on how did you suddenly turn into a cyborg. The entire world is marginalizing you, all because of a stupid wish of being a "cool" cyborg, you're not even that. You're just a machine, a expendable piece of metal that happens to have a human half, you can't stang all that, can you? Your only option left is to pull the trigger and say good bye to this horrible world, knowing that at least you are a motherfucking cyborg.

I wish I could realise what the f*ck did I say.

Granted, you have to be put on anti-depressants and you're diagnosed with nihilism.

I wish Dodge didn't bring back the Dodge Dart.

Granted but they made one just for you.

I wish I didn't have to use the bathroom all the time.

Granted, but the bathroom gets lonely and starts chasing you.

I wish there were no rules to war regarding the weapons and tactics you can and can't use.

Your wish has been granted
Alas without rules the world goes under and everyone dies

starting with you.

I wish I had a better wish to wish for when I had to wish, know what I mean?

Granted, but you forget what it was.

I wish you could upload pictures straight to Google Images.