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(It's you assuming the T-pose and Slav Squat combo I wrote about earlier.)

(Amazingly, this is a thing that actually exists, so I just did a quick redraw of one.)

(Did you really think you'd end up looking good after being dabbed on?)

He dabbed on you, hater.
And I stole your Mountain Dew while you weren't looking.

(That wasn't Mountain Dew…)

(…You didn't drink that, did you?)

I have it in my fridge, should I throw all my food away?

(My indoor plumbing hasn't been working for the past few days, Quiet_boi…)

(Well… I do play Sniper a lot.)

(Considering that this thread is slowly becoming an alt-history shitpost-a-thon, does anyone have any weird or serious ideas about how the world would be different if neither Obama nor McCain were elected president, but instead a total weirdo in a gas mask and purple combat gear with an army of off-brand Transformers becomes president from 2008-2016. I'd lay out my positions, but is a shitpost thread about waifus fighting shape-worshipping British robots really the place for that? Would a rant about the last 15 years of Human history and my distaste for various movements and ideologies really be appropriate here? Should I just leave that stuff to be hinted towards later with weird world building details, like "What happened to the speed limit on the Interstate?" "Oh, pffft! We got rid of that years ago, if there's nobody around, feel free to floor it and watch the speedometer peg around 160! It's not like it's illegal or anything."

(Also, how would Shitbots affect a society? Considering that there's possibly an uncountable number of them and their often zany and absurd abilities, it's either going to be either minimal or everything.)

Kitty and Tex sat at a table somewhere inside one of the many Shirleyist bases across the globe.

"You see those new guys Kommando brought in?" Kitty asked.

"The Dungeons and Dragons-lookin' nutjobs with the crazy hair?" Tex replied.

"Yeah, them, I'm stuck making sure they stay in line while they're here." Kitty said.

"And I thought he gave me the shitty jobs!" Tex quipped.

"That lead one, Blütgrindor, I really get some bad vibes her. She's unhinged!" Kitty explained.

"You think?" Tex replied.

"Ew. No restraint, always practically groping that girlfriend or hers, she's even worse around the men, can't walk past them without taking an eyeful and making some way-too perverse gesture at them with her tongue!" Kitty continued.

"Reminds me of some of the people I've put behind bars…" Tex said.

"No, it gets worse. You know that oriental fortune teller she can't keep her hands off of? She keeps leaving me death threats claiming that she'll curse me until I can't walk straight if I give Blütgrindor a bad review." Kitty went on.

"I mean, I know we've got some bloodthirsty freaks here in our crew already, but that's inexcusable." Tex replied.

"She still doesn't give me bad vibes as much as, d'oh, what's it's name? That thing Kommando has helping him manage everything?" Kitty said.

"I can't remember, that jackass is gonna roll his R's straight into his grave if he calls me a termagant ever again!" Tex commented, recalling the incident.

"But back to blender-face, her merry men are just as concerning as her! There's this one couple, I don't know who's worse, the wife for being way too happy about taking heads off of shoulders and having basket case written all over her, or her husband for marrying an age-regressed serial killer?" Kitty asked.

"What? Age-regressed?" Said a visibly concerned Tex.

"Yeah, age-regressed, like she saw something she really wasn't supposed to as a kid! She walks around dressed up like some sorta haunted doll, blue-and-pink pigtails, heavy makeup, baby talk all the time and she's got at least a few years on me." Kitty elaborated.

"You have a problem with pigtails?" Tex smirked.

"Hey, I am a mentally stable adult! All my marbles are accounted for and in the bag, all my screws are satisfactorily tightened down, I am not jumping around going 'Tee-hee, I'm feeling stabby! Ho-ho! Is that all your blood? hahahaha! Say goodbye to your intestines! Hee-hee-hee!'" Kitty retorted.

Tex chuckled. "So how come you get along fine with Jenna?" Tex questioned.

"Jenna shuts up and keeps to herself, she also acts her age." Kitty responded.

"Anyways, even if all of those medieval nutjobs aren't off-the-walls insane in the membrane, they're still trouble. This one guy's wife, he's gotta keep her from flying off the handle every few minutes, she's a gold digger with a hideous temper." Kitty said, continuing her rant.

Tex sat back in her chair and tilted her hat over her eyes.

"Then there's this guy and his daughter, they have to shout everything like it's some sort of anime attack and pose dramatically, too. His wife looks really tired, really, really tired. I don't blame her if that's how her family is 24/7." Said Kitty, not noticing that Tex had exited the conversation.

Kitty continued her complaints until they were given a mission.

(Sorry, I was going to do a skit answering this, but then hay fever kicked in and half my face exploded, so I probably won't have time now between work and other bits I've got to do to get it out in a reasonable timeframe.)

(Honestly, I view Shitbots interacting with societies of lesser than Space Age tech as a group of explorers might interact with a primitive tribe in jungle.)

(With good intentions and patronising grace.)

"Oh, what's that? You use fossil fuels to power the engines of your vehicles? How quaint!"

"Look at this, Number 234! These people obey the laws of thermodynamics and spend hours cooking this dish. Isn't that simply marvellous!"

(Think of it as the way you'd react when a toddler manages to work out that 2+3=5 for the first time.)

(Sure, as an adult, such as thing is trivial, but you understand that for the toddler, this is a massive achievement, so you play along because you know that they're doing their best and learning as fast as they can.)

(For the more advance civilisations, they treat them as equals, unless they do something tremendously stupid to or act aggressively towards them or anyone of their allies.)

(As for how they would affect the world, it ultimately depends on how much the inhabitants of the world want to react with them.)

(If they want to trade, or share knowledge, that's fine.)

(If they want to party like it's 1999, then they're all up for it.)

(If you want them to just chill out over there and leave you alone, that's cool too)

(Because of that, I think their initial arrival would cause a bit of a shock because suddenly you've got 7ft tall robots just strolling casually about the supermarkets buying frightening quantities of cheese; but after a few months, things would have calmed down and they would have almost become normal at that point.)

(I imagine in a world where you are president, I would have no trouble receiving government funds to help me invent and produce my ballistically-powered jetpack.)

• >"I imagine in a world where you are president, I would have no trouble receiving government funds to help me invent and produce my ballistically-powered jetpack."

(How exactly does that help the U.S. overthrow the Chinese Communist Party and reinstall the Republic of China as the ruling power, in addition to restoring Tibetan independence and splintering off/Balkanizing a few outer regions of China into separate countries so as to prevent China from becoming an overbearing authoritarian global economic powerhouse ever again?)

(Well, it's quite simple senator.)

(You see, when the Chinese see your brave boys flying towards them at a height of 100ft through the sheer power of BRRRRT alone, they will understand that there is no way that they can compete with a nation who can so easily employ something so wasteful and dangerous on mass, and suffer no consequences for this.)

(Because of that, they will accept any terms you put to them.)

(Yes, forget about this new-fangled electronic warfare garbage.)

(Propelling a man through the air using good ol' American 50 BMG is the most intimidating and, importantly, patriotic way of asserting dominance over your foes.)

You've been playing Jetpack Joyride, haven't you?

I'll be honest, I have no idea what that is.

A mobile game. It's actually pretty decent.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jetpack_Joyride
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OiEDrRuaXmY

In it the main character steals an experimental ballistic jetpack just like the one you described.

(But what does it mean?)

(it's alludes to my character's powers, along with being a username pun)

(It means that the Orange Water Buffalo has sailed across the Meringue Sea to kneel before the Oblong Clock.)

(Obviously.)

(Ok, but what about the missing Medium Expeditionary Assault Ship, 95261 Animus?)

(Due to both legal and esoteric reasons, I am not allowed to answer that question.)

(Maybe the others can help?)

(I know about that ship, it's not technically in our reality, that's all I'm allowed to say)

(That's actually a rather accurate spoiler.)

(95621 Animus is extremely important in events for the thread that occur late in the current planned timeline of events I have. It's way off, but it'll be big if I can get to it.)

(That's all I'm allowing myself to say.)

(Hey, would everybody be ok with me going full wonderbread with a short story really quick? It's not canon but I think it's a good bit of characterization for some of my characters. I've also already written it and it's kinda Unsolicited opinions on Sweden??? with a heap of anti-OPEC sentiments and completed with an a small anti-monarchy rant. I don't point fingers at anyone in specific but Kitty Hawk does get assigned to overthrow the Swedish government and Kommando starts a crusade against the UAE.)

Brothers, some of you have requested I explain what my purpose is. For what purpose do I traverse planes of existence, aside from contacting the Holey One? After all, I've demonstrated this ability before joining you. There was also claims that, despite me being opposed to nihilism, I haven't established goals or objectives for you. Hopefully what I say will answer these claims.

When I was younger, before I could visibly glow or even fly, I was told to develop skills and set goals. But when I grew up and achieved some of said goals, I noticed that I remained in a state of pursuit. But then I wondered what the ultimate goal is. When I asked that, I was told that after people die, they can go to either heaven or hell, the amazing or the awful places. And that the means to get there were to have faith, follow commandments, and do good works.
This is an oversimplification, of course, but that was the general gist of it. Then, I learned that other religions exist, and the adherents have faith in their traditions. Now what? Do I just ignore them and carry on? That's not the end of the story. Because I then analyzed them more closely, and while there were indeed contradictions, there was also a surprising amount they share in common.

What to do with this dizzying variety. There are multiple ways to categorize them. For our purposes, I'll use this schema:

- Animist: Maintaining connections, and even being one with nature, as well as following one's instincts.
- Humanist: Taming nature. These are the most political of the bunch, that is, the most social. As such, they are the least concerned with the supernatural, while also not fearing nature like the animists.
- Heavenly (little-g religion): Influencing nature. High emphasis on rituals, offerings, and even sacrifices.
- Heavenly (big-G religion): Even nature submits to this. Emphasis on morality, that is, avoiding sin. About staying on good terms with God, who is everywhere and every_when_, preceding existence. Adherents consider many other properties, including holiness, as well as His extraordinary knowledge, power, mercy, justice, among other qualities. This is most often associated with the Abrahamic religions, but it also applies to the Circle Cult. It is here where the afterlife becomes more important.
But there's still more to go, although the rest can't be categorized in the usual manner. Now we can consider the goals.
Truth. %{color:green}What is the truth, and how do we learn and come to know it? How can this be achieved if people disagree, when we have different ideas on what the "truth" is? As it turns out, even people who disagree still want to know the truth. This is the domain of philosophy. Aside from rhetoric, they also discuss a seemingly unlimited variety of topics! And considering that there are billions of humans, it can easily get overwhelming fast. Let's try a different goal for now.

Happiness. I'm sure we can agree that happiness is preferred over unhappiness. It can be gotten through material goods, such as good food, good shelter, and whatever else can constitute as real wealth. Happiness can be achieved through the senses, whether they be pleasant flavors, sounds, smells, visible forms, pleasant textures and even pleasant thoughts. But material and sensual pleasures usually don't last very long, and even if they do, your emotions might not be able to keep up. But at least we now have a goal: happiness. But how do we become happy without relying on either the material or the sensual? Go for the following goal: peace.

Peace. Especially in our uncertain situation, we desire peace. How do we achieve it, this state of non-conflict? We should start small. While interpersonal peace is easier for social creatures like you and me, we can go further, to inner peace. That is where the remaining category of religions comes in handy.

- Transcendental: At peace with nature. These religions avoid coming into conflict, and tend towards inclusion. Consequentially, they are difficult to distinguish from one another. They accept karma and rebirth, resulting in a cyclical cosmology. It is the release from this cycle of death and rebirth that is their ultimate goal.

To answer why I traverse the realms, it is because I'm trying to escape via release.
Many replied: "Escape what?" The angel said:
This world.
"WHY???"
Uh..
The crowd pressed for an answer.
So I can do something different. I want to go beyond. Explore. Start something great. But I, no, we can't do that when we're stuck, trapped here.

So go, find inner peace now that you've heard these things. Think right thoughts, so your words and actions can be pure. Immerse yourselves in a wholesome livelihood.
Apply yourselves by avoiding and stopping evil, coupled with cultivating and preserving good.
Keep your minds alert and aware of the present, not drifting off to the past or future. Be especially mindful of your bodies, which sustain your current forms, of sensations, as pleasure and pain make you react. Of your mental activities, your thoughts, emotions, conceptions. And finally, be aware of the goal itself, whether or not your mindful, discerning, with energy, joyous, calm, concentrating, or balanced, neither attaching yourselves towards nor away from anything in this world.
Concentrate rightly, that is, unify the mind and fixate your attention on an object, to know it better. Gain a good understanding, with knowing and viewing things as they truly are.

And finally, know when you are free.

Just as the angel finished the speech, a magnitude 7 earthquake occurred. The angel and columns of shitbots held up the roof of the CoC temple while everyone else evacuated.

go ahead

The Spice(y takes) Must Flow

"Do you know what day it is, Blütgrindor?" Kommando said as he sat at his desk adjusting one of his weapons.

"No?" Blütgrindor responded in confusion.

"It issssss Aprrrrril twenty-sssssecond! Interrrnationally rrrrrecognizzzzzed asssss Earrrrrth day, sssssssomething an unevolved rrrrrake like yourrrrrrrssssssself is clearrrrrrry incapable of comprrrrrrrrehending!!!" The not-quite-human figure blurted out at Blütgrindor.

The spiked head of a massive flail suddenly struck the not-quite-human figure in the side of it's beaked face, knocking it's head about and stumbling it to the ground.

"You'll speak when you're spoken, too!" Kommando snapped at it as he pulled his flail back to himself. "Now, as it said, today is Earthy Day, a day where zealots and sycophants fret and whine over felled trees and people buying cars… trees felled to build them homes! And cars bought to grant them autonomy through enhanced mobility! These imbeciles squander the benefits of the world set before them and demand that we do the same and convert to an inferior lifestyle simply to satisfy their delusional egos!" Kommando said as he stood up from his chair and walked over to a large monitor that displayed a map of the globe. Areas were marked in California, the United Arab Emirates, Germany and Sweden.

"Our missions will be to destroy the targets marked on this map." Kommando said as the map focused on the target in California, switching to a map of San Francisco and highlighting a museum and an adjacent park, several streets and most of the city's public transportation facilities.

"Blütgrindor, your job will be to prematurely end the Earth Day celebrations in San Francisco, there will be Museum Galleries, Art Festivals, Parades, you know what to do. But once you've finished raining Hell on their parade, your next target will be the numerous public transit systems around the city, they've been a point of pride for the Environmentalists, see to it that they become a point of sorrow instead. Demolish every streetcar, cable car, passenger train and public bus you can find, but spare the ferries, we're simply pruning the weeds here, not blighting the whole garden." Kommando briefed.

"Understood, Moving out!" Blütgrindor said as she turned to her mechanical dragon form and took to the skies before vanishing into a portal.

The map then changed to the target in Germany, an oddly arranged city with numerous absurdly narrow streets and excessive foliage.

"Exorauder, your mission will be to demolish this abomination of urban planning and widen the roads so that they can properly accommodate motorized traffic. Then, you'll show them how to efficiently utilize space by obliterating these haphazardly placed apartment complexes and other such buildings." Kommando expounded.

"Yes sir! It will be done!" Exorauder replied as he changed to his spaceship form and flew off to the east with his forces following behind him.

The map then changed to the target in Sweden, displaying the city of Stockholm and focusing on the various government buildings and the royal palace.

"Kitty, Sweden has been instrumental in environmental movements and their influence cannot be tolerated, starting today they are officially under new management. Start by eradicating the current members of their zealous and delusional parliament and wipe their royal family from the face of this planet. The fact that such a nation that claims itself to be a bastion of progress and equality clings to monarchism of all things is frankly an insult to the concept of democracy and political freedom. They've thoroughly illustrated that they have no care for people's individual freedoms, only their own eco-zealot dogma." Kommando ordered.

"I'm on it!" Kitty Hawk said as she set off with a small army of forces from her own time under her command.

CIDI, J, Sharla, Tex, Scarlette and the not-quite-human-figure focused their attention on the monitor as the map changed to the target in the UAE. The map zoomed in on an area encompassing Dubai and a large portion of Abu Dhabi, highlighted was a massive construction site in the desert, Abu Dhabi and Dubai.

"Our mission will be to destroy the eco-city currently being constructed in Abu Dhabi and then attack and dethrone the Monarchs in Abu Dhabi and Dubai. Their contributions to environmentalism will not go unpunished, especially considering their theocratic tendencies and the fact that apostasy is punishable by death in their country. Such a backwards regime should not not be tolerated in the global economy, but seeing as the nations of the world do not care for wrong or right, only how much they can fill their own pockets and how much control they can exert over their own citizens, we'll simply have to be the positive change we want to see in the world." Kommando said as CIDI prepared to set off for the UAE.

Kommando approached Castiellea, who stood watching the assembly lines. "With the gradual weakening of the environmental movements around the world, so too will the Shitbot's collective weaken." Castiellea explained. "It is reliant on their connection to nature, if we can cut them off from it, we can weaken the collective's ability to operate on this world." She continued.

"I really don't see how we didn't come to this conclusion sooner, with their use of druid sticks and runes and whatnot." Kommando said as he prepared to take off for the UAE.

"Operation Sunflower Scourge begins now!" Kommando said as he and his team took off in their aircraft for Abu Dhabi, a massive silver and black aircraft with variable geometry wings leading the formation.

"You know, this is all rather bizarre, given how contradictory all that was."

"I know right, more sweet tea, Number 243?"

"Ooh, that'd be lovely. Thank you, Number 436."

None of the assembled crowd turned around and instead drew their weapons and immediately fired in the direction of the voices; except for the almost human figure, who was viscously punted by Blütgrindor arse over tit in their general direction.

The room became full of smoke from the crumbling walls and sparking machinery that hissed and spat as it short-circuited.

All was still until a genteel sipping sound broke the silence.

Castiellea waved her hand and the smoke cleared instantly, revealing two Shitbots sitting in deckchairs with a small table in between them and daintily holding two tea cups.

They appeared to be slightly fuzzy and on the table was a truly ludicrously sized jug of sweet tea. It almost appeared to be…

"You Fuckers! That's our entire supply of sweet tea, isn't it?"

"Quite right, and a jolly good thing too, since you've just demolished your kitchen."

The Shitbots took a sip of the tea in unison and then refilled their cups.

Kaijin stormed over and tried to swipe the jug off of them, but to his dismay, found that his hand just passed through it.

In anger and frustration, Kaijin swung his hand at the nearest Shitbot, only for his arm to pass right through them as well and smack straight into the wall.

"What is this? Right Castiellea, I want you to dismiss whatever magic is at work h-."

"I'm afraid that won't work."

"What, why!?"

"Because we're not here."

"What?"

"We're Schrödinger's Shitbots. We are both here and not here. That's science that is."

"That's not how the fucking thing works, you dumb fucks."

The Shitbots took a long gulp of tea and then refilled their cups once more.

"There's no need to be rude about it, old bean. That's just the way things are."

The assembled Waifus and Undefinables slowly made their way behind the kommand konsole. They could feel another "incident" was in the making and decided they wanted something solid between them and Kaijin.

"So, why do you hate public transport? I mean, a city slicker like you should love it. Shouldn't he, Number 243?"

"Oh yes, Number 436. It's efficient for moving large numbers of pedestrians about the place, it frees up space on the road so there's less congestion and it means you can connect your various cities and towns and what not together as well, instead of having them being their own self-isolated city states."

"You'd think he'd love a good bit of urban sprawl, wouldn't you?"

Kaijin's fists began to clench as a purple light began to glow behind his eye pieces.

The Shitbots ignored this and became engrossed in their conversation.

"I don't know, he sure does like to keep things neat and tidy, that's probably why he doesn't like Stuttgart."

"That's another thing I find odd. He has all this imagination and technology, yet he always builds the same boring, old American grid-styled cities over and over again. Quite frankly, it's getting embarrassing."

"We don't even need to change the keys. Seven keys and the entire place is completely open for us to wonder around in as we please."

"Now, if there these wibbly wobbly alleyways and streets like you get in proper, natural cities, it'd be much harder for us to mess with them."

"Oh Circle bless us, there's entire sections of Omsk that have been sealed off for years now that no one’s been able to get into. If Kaijin did something that, we'd be buggered."

A loud grinding sound could now be heard coming from Kaijin, as he started to shake slightly.

As the crowd hiding behind the Kommand Konsole began to whimper quietly, the Shitbots moved on to the next subject.

"Why does he want to destroy the Swedish Monarchy anyway? I mean, I understand why he'd hate an absolute monarchy like they have in the UAE or Swaziland, but Sweden's monarchy is a constitutional one and holds no authoritative power over the democratically elected government."

"It is rather odd, isn't it? It likes destroying Mickey Mouse in order bring down Disney. Ultimately it does nothing to bring you any closer to your actual goal and just makes you look like bit of a tit."

“And it’s completely by the will of the people too. If they wanted to, they could hold a referendum to abolish the monarchy, and the royal family would have no choice but to comply with the result.”

"Maybe it was all the meatball innuendos we were making during his last corporate Zoom call? That did make him quite mad."

"I don't know why. Even he admits he loves having large, greasy balls in his mouth."

There was a sudden giggling coming from where the frightened onlookers were hiding

Kaijin turned sharply and glared at the Kommand Konsole, causing it to explode and sending the crowd fleeing from the room whilst screaming in abject terror.

The Shitbots continued on, completely unperturbed by all of this

"You also know what I find rather baffling, Number 243?"

"Do tell, Number 436."

"What I find rather baffling, is that he doesn't think that what he's doing isn't natural."

"Quite so, Number 243, if it wasn't natural, he wouldn't be doing it, would he?"

"Therefore, it'd be quite silly to think that he could limit our power by decimating the biosphere."

"Of course, there'd be no way of eradicating all life. The citizens of his cities, as much as he probably hates to admit it, are nature in and of themselves."

"Also, they have to eat and will probably want pets for companionship, so they'll always have to have a basic ecosystem."

"They could move entirely onto an entirely mineral-paste based diet."

"They could, but it'd drive them absolutely insane and lead them to a technological collapse as they tear apart the world to restore it back to a more natural state or die trying. What's the point of being alive if you are not allowed to live?"

"Besides, the Song would never let him get that far. It hates Discords."

"Song?"

"You know…the multi-dimensional knuckle of phase space set down by the world's creator that dictates how a world should develop over time. That Song."

"You're not talking about Dreamtime again, are you?"

"Yes, I find the subject to be fascinating."

"But you were just telling me that you didn't understand it."

"That's why I find it so fascinating."

"But then how can you be so sure about this whole Song malark-"

Kaijin exploded in rage, purple energy bursting forth from his body and cascading throughout the room in waves. Scorching and cracking the stone, whilst smashing the remaining electronics to dust and drawing them out of the room as the firestorm raged out of the door and throughout the entire base.

The Shitbots sat silently and watched all of this unfold, with their only action being to occasionally drink from their cups and refilling them.

Kaijin stared at them blankly until a stirring of the dust by his feat caught his eye. Kaijin prodded the pile with his foot, revealing the battered form of the almost-human figure lying on the ground before him.

Kaijin's gaze went from Shitbot to Almost-Human to Shitbot again.

After a brief moment of hesitation, Kaijin began to viscously kick the Almost-Human creature whilst yelling incoherently. Meanwhile, the Shitbots finished off the remaining sweet tea and went for a rummage around the remnants of the kitchen to find some more snacks to munch on, or not munch on, on account of not actually being there.

Nobody:

Kommando apparently, according to Soup King:

Also:

• >"I mean, a city slicker like you should love it."

(That's where you're wrong, kiddo, I keep clear from the big cities. I'm a small town guy.)

(Plus, the universal distaste for monarchies is based around the idea that monarchies are inherently opposed to the idea of all men being created equal, therefore even a figurehead monarch that holds no real power and is essentially little more than a human tourist attraction is an abomination anathema to the concept of freedom, as it subtly implies that a single person is superior to the common man on the sole basis of their heritage regardless of their capabilities and achievements.)

Blütgrindor and her forces emerged from the portal and out onto the open streets between the buildings where people were gathered. Blütgrindor obliterates a parade float with her Thoron Cannon before extending her dual saw blades and continuing the rampage with her army following behind her.

Euphemia ripped a streetcar off of it's tracks and threw it into a parade float, destroying both. Carmilla soared above the rooftops until she found a bridge for the passenger trains, unleashing her insect swarm, the small mechanical bugs ate through the support and collapsed the bridge. Recalling the swarm, Carmilla folded back into Wyvern form and flew off in search of a new target.

Blütgrindor and Rhajamaut cackled wildly as they ran through a nearby Earth Day art festival, annihilating any and all exhibits they encountered, along with any garbage piles, trash cans and toilets, just in case they were actually one of the artworks as well. A police helicopter hovered overhead and started using it's loudspeakers to attempt to quell the chaos, but Velka changed to Wyvern form and charged straight into it.

"Please put your weapons down and- HOLY SHIT! IS THAT A FUCKING DRAGO-" The helicopter pilot tried to say, being cut off by Velka smashing right through the helicopter at 300 mph, causing it to explode and crash onto one of the panicking crowds of fleeing parade attendees.

Illexander walked straight through the front wall of the museum, completely crumbling and collapsing the wall in the process. "Today this temple of lies burns!" He shouted as he began destroying the museum.

"Hey these are actual jewels and gold! I'm keeping these!" Charlottain shouted as she started stuffing as many of the more shiny exhibits into whatever storage compartments she had.

Police arrived with every SWAT team in the county alongside them to try and restore order. One SWAT unit opened fire on Blütgrindor, only to immediately find out that their M4 Carbines were completely ineffective against the armored mechanical behemoths before them and were subsequently obliterated in a flash of violet light.

The police and SWAT teams, unable to have any effect on the rampaging Undefinables, call the National Guard and join the panicking and fleeing civilians in the meantime while they wait for the military to arrive.

A SWAT unit operating an M113 APC modified as for police use appeared, briefly restoring the law enforcement's morale enough for them to march on the main group of Undefinables, but as they neared the museum, Blütgrindor swooped down from overhead in dragon form and strafed the APC and the officers gathered around it. Hit only once, the M113 exploded violently into a burnt piles of molten metal as everyone standing within 30 feet of it was immediately injured by shrapnel from the APC.

Around 30 minutes later, with all of the public transit infrastructure destroyed and any signs of any sort of Earth Day celebrations actively on fire, Blütgrindor declared the operation a victory and withdrew.

When the National Guard arrived, they found complete and total devastation of the immediate area and everyone claiming that this was the doing of giant robot anime ladies that can turn into dragons with laser guns. Not sure of what to do with this, the National Guard came to the most rational conclusion and arrested everyone present with substance abuse charges in addition to charges relating to the chaos and destruction.

"You know, Brother Olors" Soup King Prime said as the congregation escaped their fifth Church collapse this week. "I've been meaning to ask you about this whole transcending existence thing you keep telling us about."

"You seem to be asking us to reject nihilism, but then tell us that nihilism is the only way to escape this cycle of death and rebirth into something greater."

Prime kicked away a piece of debris and the family of mice that live under the alter scurried past with adorable little backpacks on, long having gotten used to this sort of event by now.

"Also, you seem to be very keen to simply cease your existence. This has gotten a few of us a bit worried and we just wanted to check that you're feeling alright and aren't about to do anything…rash."

(Nah, I think Fictional Kaijin is more like:)

(And I expect things to ultimately end in the same way.)

Waves Folding Steel Chair Ominously

>That's where you're wrong, kiddo, I keep clear from the big cities. I'm a small town guy.

(This just makes your hatred of public transport even more baffling to me.)

"No, I hate having a cheap and convent way for transporting myself to the various locals I frequent. I'd rather spend an hour driving around trying to find a free parking spot somewhere or pay 5x as much for a few hours instead."

(Also, is this the "English" small town of between 3000-7000 odd people we're talking about here, or the "Continental" small town which is the size of an English city and holds almost a million people.)

That's a fair point. But nihilism is not the goal.
I'm not trying to escape living. The goal is to escape the prospect of continually dying. And there are many things, many processes, that limit this. And the "existence to non-existence" dualism is one of them.
I don't intend on dying, rather, I'm preparing for when it occurs. I'm not actually immortal, despite what my appearance would suggest.
And escaping the cycle is not annihilation. And it's not existence. Nor is it neither of them.
It's difficult to describe this with words, but it's something like what happens to a fire when it's flame vanishes without fuel remaining, so it doesn't go in any direction. It's blown out, extinguished, stopped.

(I think we're comparing apples to oranges, here. First of all, I've only encountered paid parking in the decently large cities. There's not a single paid parking lot in my town that I know of and everywhere pretty much has it's own parking lot and the population density isn't really enough for finding parking to be much of an issue except for the rare occasion some large annual event is going on somewhere.)

(Secondly, everything's spread out to the point public transit would be extremely impractical.)

(Third, the public transit that exists is pretty much is exclusively good for going between large cities and completely bypasses anywhere that doesn't have at least 10 skyscrapers and a quarter of a million people living in the city proper alone because despite having roughly 5 times the population of the UK, we have over 40 times the land mass, our population density for the vast majority of our country doesn't justify public transportation. Because a massive portion of the population basically lives on their own outside of the actual town/city limits, it's better for people to transport themselves on their own.)

(After looking around on Google Maps, it looks like it would take someone in rural South East England about 2-3 minutes over a mile or less to get to the nearest grocery store if you live as far outside of the nearest town I could find. It takes me 15 minutes over 6 and a half miles to get to the nearest grocery store. All the buildings I saw had less than a mile of fields or forest in between them, while in my area, you regularly pass by a solid 3-5 miles of nothing but undeveloped woods that nobody's sure if someone's back there or not.)

(The English and American concepts of public transportation are fundamentally different for very good reasons, almost nobody would use it outside of the major cities, so it would be wasted money in anywhere that's not a large city. America is quite literally built different in such a manner that stuff like buses, trams and passenger trains don't work 90% of the time, exception being places that were built specifically around them, like San Francisco, even then, because cars are the norm for the rest of the country, it causes problems when they're mixed together with public transit because modern urban planners are a bunch of hippie fad chasers that refuse to acknowledge that the default method of transportation in the US is cars and that the majority of Americans prefer driving themselves and then design an absolute clusterfuck abomination of public transit and then conveniently forget to consider car traffic. End result: Some of the most congested streets in Human history sitting right next to unused dual bike lanes and empty cablecars. They could have scrapped the bikes and cablecars and had a good extra four lanes to help with traffic, but no, the average urban planner never matured past being a 5-year-old with a train set, so we get neighborhoods with a population of 0 bicyclists with bike lanes taking up half the road, trains and subways that end up being little more than expensive glorified homeless shelters and the Alcoholic's way to the other side of the city where they haven't been banned from every bar, yet and buses that become greater traffic risks than they are useful to reducing car traffic since there's rarely more than five people on them at a time.)

(The average armchair public transportation advocate's solution to this is usually something along the lines of "We'll just force people to stop using cars, or else!" which is very anti-freedom of choice and absolutely counter to the concept of individual freedom and democracy if you're asking me. They're usually also the kind of people to insinuate that government overreach and radical authoritarianism "is OK when my side does it!!!" and display a disturbing lack of empathy for anyone that might be seriously impacted by what is essentially forcing people to use public transportation, such as, say for example, people that are 6 miles away from everything.)

(TL;DR: "United States of America" and "Public Transportation" are antonyms.)

(Although as to fictional Kommando being Andrew Ryan, Kommando actually understands the importance of a healthy amount of non-overbearing authority, as opposed to Ryan, who's practically an Anarcho-Capitalist. Kommando also wouldn't allow people to start injecting themselves with DNA-altering slug juice that turns them into schizo tweakers with bees and fire shooting out of them.)

(He also doesn't play golf. Everybody knows that Golf is really just an acronym for Gay Oligarch's Lame Firtling, which is the exact opposite of Kommando. And if you're wondering about the Oligarch part, remember: He had to use his own private army to get rid of San-Fran's Public Transportation system, that doesn't exactly sound like he has control of the government now, does it?)

Exorauder and his forces had reached the target in Southeast Germany, beginning their strike, Exorauder fired a salvo of eight violet-glowing projectiles that swerved downwards towards the air and into the buildings below, exploding and totally obliterating them.

Changing out of his space-fighter form, Exorauder landed on the ground feet first, causing a loud crunch to erupt from the bike path beneath him as it crumbled from the force of his landing. Extending his air-defense systems from his arms, he began to use their missiles against the remaining buildings while his forces began demolishing the various roads and bike paths.

When the police arrived, they quickly retreated after the first few squad cars were shredded to shrapnel by Exorauder's rotary cannons. The Bundeswehr soon showed up afterward, but faced similar problems after the three NH-90 helicopters they deployed to respond to the explosions were shot out of the sky by bright beams of light that burned straight through into their fuel tanks, igniting them in a bright blaze as the rotorcraft tumbled into the ground like flaming meteors.

With the targets destroyed, Exorauder ordered his forces to begin withdrawing. Turning around as he pulled his shotgun the size of a punt gun from his back, he fired it at an armored vehicle that had made the mistake of turning onto the same street as him, sending it tumbling onto it's side as it armor was stripped from it chassis by the projectiles. Exorauder then quickly turned to the side, narrowly dodging a rocket from a Panzerfausr 3 and then turned to face the soldier who had fired it at him. Snarling as he ejected a large metallic spear from his shoulder, he grabbed it and flung it straight into the soldier, impaling him.

Exorauder then leapt into the air, returned to his space-fighter form and took off. Noticing two aircraft behind him, Exorauder dove to the ground and switched to VTOL mode. The two Panavia Tornadoes sent by the Luftwaffe tried to close in on Exorauder, but could not keep track of him as he meandered between buildings. Seizing upon a moment of opportunity, Exorauder fired upon the two aircraft and flew away chuckling to himself as they burst into clouds of smoke as burnt fragments of metal rained down from where the interceptors once flew.

(I'm gonna be honest, this one wasn't as entertaining to write, I think I'll hold off on including Exorauder in anything until I can make a team of characters to go with him.)

Kitty, Pinky and Dusty approached the center of Stockholm, their forces would be more than enough to rout the entire country, much less take the capital. The dropships successfully eluded detection and deployed their units to the city. Kitty rushed out and gave the order to begin the attack as they all descended upon the government facilities, having been deployed directly on top of them.

The guards stood alert with their weapons drawn in front of the doors to where the Members of Parliament were being sheltered. Before they could react, small rocket-powered projectiles shot from the walls and hit all of them, detonating and horrifically dismembering them once they had penetrated sufficiently deep into their bodies. With the last line of defense decimated, a group of Cosmorines entered the room and began to detain and move the Swedish Members of Parliament.

Across the city, Kitty Hawk, Pinky and Dusty were leading the operation to arrest the Swedish Prime Minister, calming walking down the halls, the three young women simply fired a single shot into the chest of any guards that saw them and immediately fired the entire magazine at them in a futile attempt to stop the inevitable. Their bullets fell harmlessly to the ground the instant they came into contact with the invaders.

Entering the Prime Minister's shelter, they simply melted the reinforced door off of it's hinges with a laser pistol, walked in, shot the guards as they opened fire on them and arrested the Prime Minister. Kitty stepped into the Prime Minister's office, where her forces had assembled camera crews from various local and national news stations.

"Sgt. Redshift, come in. What's the progress on the Royal family?" Kitty asked before entering the office.

"We've detained them and are ready for broadcast, Special Commander Hawk." Sgt. Redshift responded.

"Good, broadcasting now." Kitty responded.

The broadcast was sent not just to the entirety of Sweden, but the world as well. On it Kitty addressed not only the populace of Sweden to comply, but the country's neighbors and allies to refrain from intervening or face insurmountable forces. Once the broadcast concerning the replacement of Sweden's government had concluded, riots immediately followed along with the Swedish Armed Forces desperately trying to regain the captured cities, only to be defeated at every battle.

Kitty's Armored Soldiers flipped and manhandled tanks using their Armor's massive, 9-foot tall frame. Their 1.2-inch autocannon railguns proved more than sufficient at decimating the Swedish Army's Strv 122 and CV-90 tanks as if they were made of paper, and Lightning Cannons turned everything that they were pointed at into a burnt-out husk of itself. Kitty herself started carrying out attacks on remaining Swedish Air Force in her YF-23, countless JAS-39's and other Swedish Aircraft met their end at her hands.

The fighting would continue for months for sure, but Kitty had made excellent progress in a day and reported back to headquarters that the initial invasion was a success.

Kitty Hawk arrived back at the scorched and gutted interior of the base and made her way to whatever was left of the Kommand centre after the "incident" from earlier, where she found Blütgrindor and Exorauder cautiously peering into the room.

There was the sound of strangled screaming coming from inside the room and a perfectly almost-human hole in the wall across the way of it.

"Yo dudes, wassup!?"

Blütgrindor recoiled in a start, before regaining her composure.

Just as she was about to make a haughty remark at the informal greeting, a bolt of purple lighting shot past her face and sent her scurrying away.

Quickly dashing into the room, Kitty Hawk discovered that the source of the strangled screaming was Kaijin, rolling and spasming violently on the floor whilst greenish froth poured from his nozzle.

The Shitbots from earlier were still sitting in their deck chairs and were now happily munching on…

"Hey guys, cut it out! Do you know how hard it is to find that brand of popcorn!"

Number 243 threw back another handful and then turned to face Kitty.

"We're not eating the popcorn, because we are not here, remember?"

"Then where's it going?"

The Shitbot stared at the ceiling in thought and raised his legs to allow Kaijin to flail past unimpeded. After a few moments, it returned it's gaze to Kitty.

"Somewhere, definitely somewhere."

Kitty was about to make another remark when a bolt of purple energy burst forth from Kaijin's eyes and blew another hole in the ceiling.

Kitty gestured towards her stricken commander as he began to repeatedly bump his head into a table.

"What have you said to him this time?"

"Oh, we merely explained to him that his actions have made him the Emperor of Earth and that he should probably decide whether only his biological children can inherit the title or if his artificial children can also be heirs to the throne."

"What!? But we just launched a campaign to stop that!"

Number 436 leaned down with his scoop and poured more popcorn into his bucket before also joining in the conversation.

"Honestly, I don't know why you look so shocked. It is only natural for people to follow the strongest."

"No, people have to choose their leaders. Democracy is the only acceptable form of governance!"

"What's the point, when Kaijin can just utter a word and remove any leaders they choose, but he dislikes?"

"Oh don't be too hard on the girl, Number 436. She isn't human, so she wouldn't understand."

Kitty slammed her fist into Number 243's head, only for to pass through it because he wasn't actually there and accidently flung herself into the last intact screen of Kommand Konsole; crushing it under her armoured bulk.

"Number 243, how many times have we had to have this talk with you. Yes, they are biological weapons pretending to be humans, but there's no need to make a fuss out of it. That is just being rude."

"So? It's also extremely poor form for a princess to strike a person because they said something they didn't like!"

"But she didn't!"

"She attempted it regardless!"

Kitty got unsteadily back to her feet whilst cursing under her breath as the last few parts of the conversation reached her.

"I'm sorry, did…did you just call me a princess?"

The two machines shot each other a glance, before turning their gaze on Kaijin as he made another lap of the room.

"Your imperial majesty, have you decided whether Kitty is a legitimate heir to your throne?"

"ASHKJSSAZVMHZFZ VAZ!!!"

Kaijin spun onto his front and the next energy blast sent him backflipping across the room.

"…"

"…"

"…"

Kitty let out a loud sigh and sat down in the rubble next to the Shitbots. She held her face in her hands for a few moments before turning back to the happily munching machines.

"Ok…ok. Explain to me how us removing a monarchy has only made the problem worse."

"Well…why do people on the whole dislike and distrust politicians?"

"I…I suppose it's because no one ever gets the leaders they want and they can never keep all of their promises as all decisions have to go through hundreds of other people first?"

"That's a part of it, yes. No politician has ever received everyone's approval."

"But the same goes for royalty too!"

"Well, yes. But because you don't choose them, you don't feel cheated by it either. You get Good Kings; you get Bad Kings. That's just…life."

"Surely there's more to it than that!"

"Oh, yes. It's all to do with Control vs Power."

"Huh?"

"Ask yourself this, who do you fear more? The commander of the entire army or your immediate superior?"

"I fear neither…" She said as an errant energy blast shot past her head, singeing her helmet slightly "…but I think I understand the point you are making."

"Which is?"

"That if the head of the army wished for me to be reprimanded, they have the power to do so, but the chances of me being singled out in particular are very slim. However, the immediate superior can have me reprimanded whenever they like as they have authority over me and I am seen as a threat to their own position, so they have to exercise control to help boost their own standing without being overshadowed by myself."

"Exactly!"

"And what has this got to do with Kaijin becoming an Emperor and me becoming a princess?"

"Well, between a soulless machine composed of people you distrust that is constantly interfering with your life and actively oppressing you and an enigmatic being that's far too busy ruling the entire land to notice you and leaves you get on with things, only oppressing you on a non-personal and passive level, which would you pick?"

"But you have no choice!?"

"Of course you do. There have been plenty of successful revolutions against royals; because that's the thing with power. It's all in the head and only has an effect because we choose it to. If enough people decide you are no longer worthy of the title, they'll just give it to someone else with you being completely unable to stop them."

"In fact, Number 243, revolutions against monarchies for other monarchies have been surprisingly effective, especially when compared with the ones where one government is overthrown by another. After all, you can't really control who the next ruler is going to be, but when it comes to elections, you have dozens of ways to control the outcome of that."

"Black mail, violence, lies, just straight up cheating. It's really no wonder why people give it all up when a strong enough power comes along. It just makes everything so much more stable and pleasant on a day-to-day level, Number 436."

"Especially since everyone is under some form of oppression anyway, so why not have a system where only the highest levels of society are under the direct scrutiny of the oppressor rather than everyone on an individual level?"

"The political machine offers no clemency in its bureaucratic operations, Number 436."

"Wait, wait, wait! Are you guys seriously suggesting that people will give up democracy at the drop of a hat?"

"Why do you think they stopped in the first place? Democracies only came back to life in the age of the Nation States because there was no singular dominating force anymore."

"And now, thanks to your actions today, there is."

Kitty Hawk sat there, taking this all in whilst Kaijin lay gently gurgling by her feet.

So this was life now, was it?

Her entire existence had been built around freedom and choice. And the people had chosen, of their own free will, to submit themselves to Kaijin; and by extension, her.

…

So be it.

If this was how things were going to be, than she would do her best to be the leader that people expected her to be.

There would be no tyranny, no stupidity or complacency. She would rule with good grace and decorum, holding true to the values she had held so dearly all of her life.

After all, she was a pri-

"Whoah, hang on guys! You still haven’t said why I’m a princess!"

She looked wildly around the room, but saw no sight of them, due to them not technically being there in the first place.

It was just her and Emperor Kaijin, first of his name, wriggling about in a pile of popcorn wrappers in the remains of the kitchen.

• >"Why do you think they stopped in the first place? Democracies only came back to life in the age of the Nation States because there was no singular dominating force anymore."

(What are you implying?)

• >"Especially since everyone is under some form of oppression anyway, so why not have a system where only the highest levels of society are under the direct scrutiny of the oppressor rather than everyone on an individual level?"

(I mean, if you're talking about policing corporations and being lax towards small businesses and individuals, that's one thing. Also, are we using the actual definition of "oppression" or the ass-backwards Anarchist definition where the government simply existing is a form of oppression?)

PS: I have written this whilst half-drunk and in a very philosophical mood, so I apologise if this comes across a bit ranty. No offense is meant by any of it.

>What are you implying?

(Democracies have been around since the Ancient Greeks, although democracies as you and I understand them are a relatively new concept, historically speaking.)

(Democracy only became popular with the fall of the world empires and the sudden lack of a singular, centralised figure of authority meant people had to quickly come up with a way of staking out their territory and unifying their people before someone else did it first and re-conquered them.)

(Democracy was seen as an effective way of doing this and is the reason why there was a sudden explosion of various republics after the end of WW1.)

>Also, are we using the actual definition of "oppression" or the ass-backwards Anarchist definition where the government simply existing is a form of oppression?

(I was raised by anarchists, so my personal definition of oppression is probably broader than most, but the dictionary definition of "prolonged cruel or unjust treatment or exercise of authority" fits well enough.)

(What I meant by this, is that regardless of how a people are governed, there will always be rules and restrictions over what they can or cannot do.)

(In autocracies, dictatorships and absolute monarchies, this takes a top down approach, where the ruler issues a degree to his nobles, who then pass the degrees down to their lieutenants, who pass it down the line to the common man.)

(In such systems, no one particularly cares how closely the common man follows these laws, as long as the overall goal is achieved, as the spirit is much more important than the word.)

(However, as the direct representatives of the king/great leader/grand wambony, the noble classes have to toe the party line, as they act as essentially the mouth of the ruler and can't be seen to be acting against their wishes as this makes them, and by turn, the entire country look weak.)

(A similar thing happens in democracies, but on a lot larger scale, as every single citizen holds considerable political power, being able to sway the entire course of history with their votes.)

(Such a system puts great strain on the society to make sure that everyone thinks "The Right Thing" so that they do not tread down the "The Wrong Path".)

(Because of this, a lot more scrutiny is applied to the individual to make sure they do not step out of line, in case this convinces others that maybe the current status quo isn't ideal and that maybe they should vote the old lot out for a new lot, for good or ill.)

(This creates a strange dichotomy where the democratic citizen says one thing in public and another in private, because whilst a tyrant may kill someone for insulting them, they have to be personally informed of the insult, which would only happen if you were caught by someone close to them.)

(Whilst a democratic citizen could make a remark in public, and a random citizen could report them to the authorities because they said "The Wrong Thing" and snitching on them is "The Right Thing" to do.)

(God, this is making me sound like some sort of Anti-Democratic nutjob, but this is just how I understand the negative sides of democracy after having "All Suits are Bastards" and "Fuck The Man" burned into my psyche due to the childhood I had.)

(In context to the current story being told, it does make more sense, as why would anyone with any sense not unilaterally follow Kaijin's Krew after they have so effortlessly and with complete impunity reigned death and destruction on the worlds primary superpower, one of the largest military powers in Europe and NATO, as well as a neutral first-world power; seemingly on some whim from their leader?)

(Really, it'd be pretty silly not to, since any governments that remain would only do so because Kaijin wishes it and they will end as soon as Kaijin demands it. So why bother with middlemen and figureheads when you can go straight to the source?)

(Truly, the only real question is how are we going to design a crown that works with twin ponytails?)

(Do we go with a clip-on one that snaps together around the forehead, or do we create a slightly larger than normal one and carefully funnel them through the hole?)

(This is important, as the various representatives from around the world will need to know within the next 24 hours, so that they can start making suitable preparations.)

(Yeah, what you're complaining about sounds like hate-speech laws, which I'm against as I personally feel that everything besides an obvious and sincere threat of violence against an identifiable individual or group of individuals is free speech and therefore should be allowed, with the caveat of obscenities (pornography and similar graphic content), that aren't banned, but moreso hidden a little bit from people that really shouldn't encounter them, like young children. I've seen stuff that scares adults, I really don't want to know how badly seeing some of that stuff could traumatize a kid.)

(I'm personally highly critical of Social Democracy (and anything related to Socialism) as it tends to bring a lot of the identity politics stuff, like hate speech laws, along with it. If I remember correctly, Social Democracy had a decent amount of influence in West and Northern European countries, which I'd imagine would include the UK. So maybe you're encountering the failures of that, or maybe it's just my bias against Social Democracy.)

(I find that most of Democracy's problems, and most of the historical events I'm dissatisfied with, can be traced to public opinion, which throughout the previous centuries, was consolidated by countless media companies who became the de facto authority on truth, with the issue worsening towards the end of the century and into our current one and even into our present day as the media companies of yesteryear merger and consolidate themselves into more and more singular entities.)

(Whatever they say decides what a large portion of people will believe and not even the revered-then-feared Military Industrial Complex, often suspected of controlling the International Community for their own profits, can stand up to the power of public perception. We lost Vietnam because the news said we should, if every report from the battlefield had blamed every burning village and ravaged civilian on the NVA and VC, there would have been less protestors, and perhaps even many protests breaking out into riots as people supporting the war decry the protestors as supporting genocide and conflict ensues from there.)

(Similarly, I believe that if the media had simply to decided to side with Hitler back in WWII and express disapproval for the war efforts, then we could have very well lost the war as people refused to, or even actively sabotage, the war effort from home. Nothing is more dangerous than the ability to define culture and reality itself.)

(In short, I'd like to see the current massive media corporations, or at least the news companies, split up into much smaller companies, preferably kept to a local scale. A method to monitor and moderate political bias would be ideal, but I currently loathe the concept of such a system since it would not be free from it's own biases, imposed on it by the very people who would run it as nobody is free from bias.)

(Even then I would support a direct, pure application of Democracy, as that would end up as tyranny by majority sooner or later. I'm much fonder of Representational Democratic Republics and Constitutional Representational Democratic Republics at that, so as to have governments bound to strict rules as to how it can operate in order to avoid it becoming too authoritarian, within 3 generations at least.)

(All in all, to spoil post-comic events, Kommando was going to get elected president, only to immediately become controversial solely because the media and most other members of the government disapprove of an outsider third-party candidate getting elected, especially one who gets elected on a massive anti-corruption platform that threatens to expose a lot of incumbent's dirty laundry in order to get rid of them. Not even blackmail, just get them barred from holding office over conflicts of interest. California would attempt to secede from the union in order to be away from Kommando, but Kommando, claiming to follow the example set by every president before him, declares war on the government of California for committing a unilateral secession, which was actually ruled as illegal by the Supreme Court. I'm not making that last part of the previous sentence up, once you join the freedom party, you're not allowed to leave unless everyone else says you can.)

(Back to fiction, Kommando reconquers California, because of course he does, considering Undefinables and everything else he has and the whole 2nd Civil war destabilizes relations with the rest of the world, with the pre-Brexit EU starting to feel increasingly uneasy about the U.S. until it eventually tries to sanction the U.S. over concerns about Kommando's presidency, namely his opposition to Environmental legislation and the fact that the 2nd American Civil War happened at all. U.S.-EU relations eventually deteriorate into open war, shortly after which Russia tries to reclaim former USSR territories, only to realize that Kommando and the Shirleyists aren't their friends, either, begrudgingly entering into agreements with the EU to help push Kommando's U.S. out of Europe.)

(Kommando wins of course, completely taking over Europe through the governments set up to replace the ones he just wiped out in what essentially becomes WW3. Also on the side, due to the fact that the U.S. just completely took over another continent and one that they've historically been on friendlier terms with aside from, y'know, recent events, China begins panicking and going full-berserk, and tries to assert more and more dominance throughout Asia, only to end up encroaching onto Japan and Taiwan, which when combined with Kim-Jong un, being Kim-Jong Un, causes the U.S. to intervene to protect it's Asian allies and third verse, same as the first, Kommando wins and with the destruction of Communist China (and the Middle East on the side through more clandestine shenanigans), Shirleyism becomes the dominant ideology and philosophy in the world, propelling society as a whole towards individualism and a grittier sense of ethics and morals with technological progress that goes unimpeded by environmental legislation that Kommando either opposed or repealed (stuff like Solar and Wind and Electric cars are nowhere to be seen in the alternate timeline, instead a massive shift towards Nuclear was made and Coal and Oil was never penalized, leaving them to exist in the smaller areas that couldn't justify a Nuclear Reactor), the second comic/major story I'm thinking about would take place in the resulting _very_alternate 2022, with Kommando having left office in 2016 after his second term. The stuff with Bex & Silver takes place a few months before "major story 2", which is why I'm trying to hold off on anymore of it until I can finish the comic, or at least put it's story out.)

(Most of this would just be a prologue to the second major story that gets glossed over in the timeskip from 2007 to 2022, so I don't feel too bad about spoiling it.)

(Also, I think I've already got the twintails crown figured out, you'll see eventually. I also beat you to the idea by 11 months.)

The aircraft traveled down the Persian Gulf as the sun started to move down from the center of the sky. Coming to the coast of Abu Dhabi, they began their attack, an F-4E painted red and black, an F-15E and an F-35C began bombing the nearby Air Base in order to delay any sort of counter attack. An F-14D accompanied by two Attack Super Tomcat 21 F-14's began attacking the nearby Naval Base to further impair any sort of retaliation.

The large, silver and black aircraft swooped down over the city and towards the target with a J-20 and an SR-71 trailing behind it. Coming to the construction site, the silver and black aircraft's weapons bay opened and deployed a clawed launcher of some sort, firing a magnetically spun metallic disk at the construction sight, which upon impact detonated with enough force to obliterate the entire 2 square miles of the construction site.

"Objective Alpha complete, proceed to Objective Bravo!" Kommando ordered over the radio as the aircraft all converged on the city of Abu Dhabi. With the UAE's Armed Forces on full alert, their F-16's and Mirage 2000's quickly approaching the area. The silver and black aircraft flipped in the air and sped straight towards the royal palace. Readying another metallic disc, something amiss stood on top of the front gates: Soup King, holding a Starstreak Man-Portable Air-Defense System.

"THIS HAS GONE ON FOR TOO LONG!!! IT'S TIME TO STOP!!!" Soup King shouted as he aimed the Starstreak.

Kommando chuckled as the silver and black aircraft switched to VTOL mode, the nozzles for it's two fuselage engines rotating 90 degrees down, a pair of lift fans opening forward of the the center of it's fuselage and the two outer engines rotating 90 degrees while leaving the wings in their normal position.

"We're only getting started!" Kommando said as the silver and black aircraft hovered some 2 miles in front of the Shitbot. "But by all means, go ahead! I have nothing to lose, here!" He continued as the silver and black aircraft opened it's cockpit to reveal that there was no pilot inside.

"I DON'T CARE WHAT TRICKS AND TECHNOLOGY YOU USE, THIS HAS TO END, THIS IS ANATHEMA TO EVERYTHING THE CIRCLE STANDS FOR!!! EAT TUNGSTEN AND PBX-98, YOU BATSHIT INSANE GIT!!!" Soup King screamed as he fired the missile, only for it to veer wildly off-course and into a build, most likely killing some innocent bystanders.

"That one's on you!" Kommando said enthusiastically. "Besides, did you really expect to hit me with that… Blowpipe?" Kommando said, barely suppressing the urge to laugh.

Soup King hastily looked at the launcher in his hands before realizing that it wasn't the Starstreak he was holding only a moment ago, but a Blowpipe, the second-worst stain on Britain's legacy as an international power.

"THIS IS IMPOSSIBLE!!!" He shouted. "WHAT ARE YOU?!?!" Soup King demanded.

"Stick around and find out, you might just learn some new tricks!" Kommando gloated as the silver and black aircraft launch a metallic disk into the Royal Palace, the ensuing massive explosion destroying the entire palace and the Shitbot along with it.

"Objective Bravo complete, proceed to Objective Charlie!" Kommando ordered and the aircraft all abandoned the ruins of Abu Dhabi in order to wipe out Dubai.

An hour later, the sun was setting and the mission was complete, the aircraft flew East with the burning carnage of their attack on Dubai smoldering behind them.

"Operation Sunflower Scourge was a success, investments in Wind and Solar are already dropping as investors don't want to invest in assets that might be targeted by an unknown air strike." Kommando said at the debriefing. "Plans are underway to target the Circle Cult more directly, but for now: Mission Accomplished!" He finished.

Is it finally the end of this non-canon tangent?

(I guess, unless Soup King comes up with some crazy story in response that requires an equally if not more insane response from me.)

"Good job team, we've scored a massive blow against the Circle Cult today."

Kaijin was as happy as he ever got during the Anti-Circle Cult operations. His pants were clean. His shirt was clean. No one had been spontaneously gender-bended. It had all been wonderfully smooth so far.

This….this was unusual.

Whilst his team engaged in their usual post-operation celebrations, Kaijin held his breath and waited.

After a few moments, he let it out and began to relax.

Perhaps…for just this once…he had achieved total victory.

A brief burst of static brought an end to his reverie as Tex's voice came through on the radio.

"Wooee, would y'all take a look at that mighty fine dust bowel we kicked up down there!"

Looking down and back towards the ruins of Dubai, Kaijin saw the beginnings of the greatest sandstorm he had ever seen.

Due to the sheer force of the explosions and the terrible heat from the blazing buildings and oil fields, towering columns of sand were thrown up into the air and dashed against the city.

Private helicopters desperately tried to outrace the storm as the sand flooded into the city, crushing and choking all in its path.

In the centre of all this tragedy were the tens of thousands of indentured labourers and their families; abandoned by the decadent elite who had fled to safety after the attacks on Sweden and Germany and ignored by Kaijin in his bloodlust and ambitions.

It was they who were being swallowed by the sand.

It was they who burned in the flames.

It was they who would be trapped in the dying husk of the city, slowly succumbing to starvation and thirst.

They were the unfortunate, the downtrodden, the left behind; and now, because of his actions, they would die deaths just as miserable and pathetic as their lives were.

"Oh God, this isn't right. This isn't right at all!"

"Therrrrrrrrrrre isssssssssss no difffffffffffferrrrrrrrrrrence between what isssssssssss right and what issssssssssss necesssssssssssarrrrrrrrry."

This callous remark was not unlike the almost-human creature to make, but there was something to it that made the hairs on Kaijin's neck stand up.

"Er, Sir. I'm picking up reports of an US Infantry Battalion going rogue and heading straight to Dubai in order to carry out an emergency humanitarian operation. The 33rd Infantry, apparently."

Kaijin began to break out into a cold sweat. He knew that name from somewhere, but where?

Where?

"Well shoot, I hope those boys bring more than their balls of steel with them, cos I reckon this ol' storms going to be blowing for a mighty long time."

Kaijin began to breathe heavily, leaving him in a state of semi-blindness as the lenses of his mask fogged up.

Surely not? Soup has never been organised enough to pull something like this off.

A loud electronic beeping alerted him to the fact that he was receiving a direct message from HQ.

Accepting the request with a trembling hand, Shirley's sweet, cheerful voice flooded his cockpit like the sands filtering through the streets of the dead city far, far below him.

"Heeeeyyyy Kaijin. I was going through all of your post since I know you've been super-busy with your secret superhero stuff and I came across this blank envelope."

Kaijin braced himself for the inevitable.

"The only thing on it was "Sent 23/04/07", which was like…ages ago! Now, I know you've told me not to open mysterious letters, but I done squeezed it flat to make sure nothing was hiding in it and I held my nose in case there was anything icky in it; but it was just a normal letter after all!"

Here it comes.

He started to grit his teeth in dread and apprehension.

"It's a very strange letter. All it says is "Do you feel like a hero yet?""

"I have no idea if that means anything, so I thought I'd call you right away in case it was a super-special secret superhero thing!"

"T..thank…you f…for let…letting me…know Shirley….thanks…"

"You're welcome Kaijin, I hope you have fun beating up the baddies."

Kaijn cancelled the communication with Shirley, and then slowly, one-by-one, turned off communication with the rest of his team as well.

Once he was sure he had severed all connections to the outside world, he let out a long and tormented scream from the deepest depths of his soul.

Soup King had played him like a damned fiddle!

He had become the Spec Ops: The Line reference.

Dammit, Kaijin, look what you've caused!
Now he's gonna bring up the white phosphorus again!
I'm gonna need too much vodka to distract him back into Stalker mode again.

(First of all, nobody in the U.S. calls it "post" we call it "mail" although I wouldn't be surprised if I made a similar error somewhere, so ok.)

(Secondly, all the operations besides Blütgrindor's happened within a few minutes of each other, with Exorauder's and Kitty Hawk's happening near-simultaneously. Kommando's happened a few minutes later, which wouldn't offer a lot of time to evacuate. Dubai maybe got a few important people in helicopters and private jets in the time it took Kommando's team to move from Abu Dhabi, but it would only take them less than 6 minutes to arrive in Dubai, and I doubt that any private jets would be able to escape the general area without getting detected and intercepted in that time frame, especially with 3 F-14's and their 195-mile range radars looking for stuff to kill like a bored cat with a mean streak that hasn't been fed yet.)

(Although in hindsight, I probably shouldn't have rushed the ending and put in a segment of them just obliterating stuff in Dubai, including the showing off disk launcher more, holy shit, that thing's my favorite. I absolutely cannot wait to draw the disk launcher in action.)

"Do you feel like a hero yet?" Read the note on Kommando's desk.

Kommando stood up and chuckled at the note as he walked away.

"Who believes in heroes?" He said, knowing that somehow, Soup King was would hear this. "The foolish and hopeless! That's who! I feel like an achiever, I've achieved in a few short hours of travel followed by a few short minutes of combat what those before me could only dream of accomplishing after toiling their entire lives away!" *Kommando stopped and peered in a direction where he felt a presence watching him. "Therefore, the real question is: Do I feel like a winner?" He continued.

Kommando stepped towards the window of his office overlooking the war room and scanned over it with a prideful gaze.

"In that case: Yes, absolutely." He said through deviously smiling teeth hidden behind his mask.