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Granted, but it'll affect the nature, making water and food disappear.

I wish for a copy of SSB4 for both the WII U and the 3DS.

Granted, The game is region locked from your console.

I wish i can become the greatest artist ever.

Granted, you've become the second greatest artist ever
I wish for some PRUNE JUICE!

You get a such a bad case of the runs your asshole inverts itself, leading the rest of your digestive tract to follow until you have the entire length of your intestine inverted out your asshole. Eventually your stomach is ripped from your throat, and without being able to eat, you die.

I wish for my next wish to be incorruptible.

Granted, it expires in 1 Hour.

I wish for a YCS/186 post.

@Sandstone
Granted, your next wish wish will be saved with an incorruptible, unbreakable, anti-corrosive, waterproof, surge protected memory card. Something will still got wrong with it, though.

@lowercase
Granted, it's durability is so low, it can only fire one shot before being destroyed.

. . .

I wish I had unbreakable, waterproof, anti-corrosive, surge protected headphones.

Granted, that doesn't work.

I wish for Blaziken to be in SSB4

Granted, do 2,000,000 moar batels pls.

I wish for 100 more wishes.
So $1,000 each wish

Granted, Taxman wants $996.50 for each wish.

I wish to Live Long and Prosper.

Granted, you live for 400 years of solitude and you weren't bothered by it.
I wish for that Optimus Prime titan to actually be in Titanfall.

He's only available as a 5000$ DLC character and requires you to buy fifty copies of the game, and fifty Xbones to unlock. And he's horrendously underpowered.

I wish I wish

Granted, it kills you.

. . .

I wish I could learn how to do 3D modeling.

Granted, you will be only able to do them in crappy programs.

I wish 4 sanic 2 b in ssbe4 lol

granted, sonic is now the only playable character in ssb4
i wish for wings

Granted,

I wish for turtles

Granted:

I wish for donuts.

Granted, but they're laced with dead insects.
I wish to be one of the top classmen in Attack on Titan.

Granted, you are Marco

I wish my license back!

Granted, it's expired

I wish for my virginity back

( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Granted, it ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)s and causes you to ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).
I wish for ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Granted, ┻━┻ ︵ヽ(ಠ_ಠ)ﾉ︵ ┻━┻

I wish for ogre time

Granted, all your stuff is destroyed and your insurance doesn't cover it.

I wish for a bratwurst.

Granted, but it was cursed, forcing you to chant the Hillshire Farms rant for the rest of your days. Go Meat!

. . .

I wish Four Tet was having a concert at my house.

Granted, sadly they had to cancel it in order to go to a Awards Ceremony…

I wish for anything that is good…

Granted, and that good thing is sugar. You rot your teeth out and develop Type 2 Diabetes trying to eat all of it. BTW, Four Tet is one guy.

. . .

I wish someone would help convince me into taking the plunge of creating an entry.

Granted, Fred Phelps's ghost helps you.

I wish I wasn't in this stupid Nil!

Granted, you're in an even stupider one.

I wish for yogurt.

It's spoiled and you get very sick from eating it.

I wish I had a good book right now.

Granted, it's written in a font that's impossible to read.
I wish I was a Titan shifter.

Granted, you can't control yourself though when you go titan.

I wish for some Autobots to shoot at.

Granted, you miss every shot.

I wish for duct tape.

Granted, it's impossible to detach if you stick it on something.
I wish for world peace.

Granted, yet you're a total jackass all the time now, and no one likes it.

I wish for salt on my table.

Granted, Epsom Salt has been put on your table. enjoy.

. . .

I wish I could do this day over, so I can stop myself from making cringeworthy comments.

This day is now a human, and she is your mistress. But she has vagina-dentata and you can never lay her without losing your manhood to her.

I wish for infinite bondage paraphernalia.

An infinite and instantaneous appearance of bondage paraphernalia takes place thus filling the entirety of the universe. You are crushed and therefore unable to experience the euphoric secks all this shit would have brought you.

I wish YouTube signed me directly into my old profile instead of my Gmail one automatically

You're now signed into your old Youtube profile, but you find it hacked with hundreds of videos all relating to an anime everyone hates having been uploaded, ruining your reputation.

I wish I didn't have to make contracts anymore. It's no longer fun when I feel for my contractors… I grow too attached, and it makes letting go so hard…

Granted, you get less contracts but you get more feels for not helping those poor contractors who need contracts.

I wish that I ruled teh internets

You now rule 'teh internets', an alternate version of the internet that isn't mostly porn, but is in fact only a fraction, of a fraction, of a fraction's worth of R34. Instead it consists of actual facts, where no-one ever lies or trolls one another and there is harmony, with no conflict or disparity.

I wish I could become an adorable male human on a whim, one so kawaii that I could sit among the most adorable shotas and still be cute.

Granted but the US government kidnaps you and wants you to sign SOPA

I wish I had the strength and fighting skills of Shizuo heiwajima from Durarara!!

Granted, but you're in a yaoi love affair with Izaya.

I wish that I could smell like roses all the time.

Granted, but you smell like decomposing roses all the time.

I wish for all the internet time, all of it.

Granted, but all the internet time is spent on 4chan's /b/ board.

I wish for a different colour pallet.

Granted, but the pallet makes everything look messed up just slightly and it bothers you for eternity.
I wish that I could overcome my shy personality and perform music on stage.

Granted, your musical idols harshly criticize you.

I wish for bananas.

Granted, they're rotten.
I wish to live in England.

Granted, you're now living in the "Sweeney Todd" version of England, where Sweeney is hunting you down.

I wish that I could catch a Darkrai in Pokemon Y..

Granted, but you need an action replay just to find him.

I wish for creamed gracon

Granted, but they're creamed with my piss.
I wish for a genie.

Granted, but all your wishes are corrupted.

I wish to disregard females and acquire currency.