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Granted, but school will last for 6 months twice a year.

I wish for a better avatar…

Granted, but you don't like it so you've changed it again.

I wish that the crimson chin was a legit comic book character.

Granted, the stories lack substance and depth.

I wish for a Snickers Bar.

Granted, but your hunger is not satisfied.
I wish my cat wouldn't strangle me in my sleep.

Granted, but he will strangle you when you are awake.

I wish for a Jet plane to ride.

Granted, but since you don't know how to pilot a jet you ended up crashing to the ground.

I wish I can remember what I want to wish for.

Granted, you just wasted your wish.

I wish for new tiles for my bathroom.

Granted, they are factory rejects, no two have the same design and the overall layout is visually displeasing.

I wish for chocolate cake.

Granted,

I wish for puppies.

. . .

Granted, they're Pseudodog Pups. Try not to get eaten.

I wish I was a relevant personality on the internet.

Granted, but you are also a cautionary tale.

I wish for a boat.

Granted, enjoy your new gravy boat.

i wish for a pair of vans

Granted. You now have two mini vans. They're both damaged beyond repair and no one will give you any money for them.
I wish that I could teleport and be able to control where I go.

Granted, but you lose a limb every time you teleport, and you can not get a prosthetic replacement. It's gone.

I wish I wasn't so paranoid all the time.

Granted, but you will be hunted forever.

I wish that Squidward will marry Antonov An-225 Mriya

Granted, you're not invited to the wedding and nobody will show you any proof of it actually happening.

I wish for bread sticks.

Granted, but you'll still have to pay $3.50

I wish that I owned Canada

Granted, you're now the absolute owner and ruler of Canada. 'MURICA now hates your guts. Prepare for Nuclear War.

. . .

I wish I could have a sitcom-style dynamic with my internet friends. Yes, I'm as desperate as I sound. Sad, really.

Granted, but sitcom will be panned by critics.

I wish tha Theodore Roosevelt was god

Granted, but his second term of godhood ends next year though.

I wish for some Baneblades

Granted, you can't afford fuel or maintenance. which they all need.

I wish for a sundae.

Granted, but the ice cream is expired.

I wish the climate wasn't so hot right now.

Granted. It is now below zero outside and your heat has stopped working.

I wish I could turn invisible.

Granted, but the ability is incontinent. Pray that no one forgets you exist.

I wish for a Menage.

Granted… Let's see… (Google search ménage. Ignore obvious result.) Here we go:

It tastes like vinegar.

I wish for Cheetos.

Granted, they're poisoned, apparently.

I wish that the WBC would just disband already so we wouldn't get any more nonsense from them.

Granted, but everything is like WBC now.

I wish my damn tooth (that I just pulled out) didn't hurt…

Granted, but that means you yanked it out for masochistic purposes.

I wish for a new wallet.

Granted, but it comes with a huge hole

I wish for a drum kit

Granted, you become a successful drummer. As you become more famous, you also become more cocky. You can´t get a grip of yourself anymore and you start doing drugs and die.

I wish for Pokémons to be real

Granted. They are infected with a disease worse than rabes and spew out anthrax at the sight of a human.

I wish for KnowYourMeme to be changed to

Granted, but you got sued by your mom, and even me. sniff

I wish I was a ghost, goat and a pig together.

Granted – you get hunted by the Ghostbusters for your ectoplasm feces.

I wish I was super stronk

Granted, your new name is "Super Stronk"

I wish I had moar ramen.

Granted, but you have to fight this cat for it

Can you live with yourself?

I wish for fresh baked bread.

Granted, but you drop it in mud.

I wish for… Hm… I wish foooor…. FRESH, WARM BLANKETS.

Granted, but you drop them in mud.
I wish for clean clothing.

Granted, but you drop them in a fire.

I wish for a dollar.

Granted, but you drop it in a fire.
I wish for dry wood.

You get dry wood but you get in a oil factory filled with mentally challenged employees who smoke heavily

I wish I was an immortal god who everyone loved.

Granted, but too many people think they need to show their love by sacrificing (as in murdering) virgins.

I wish win the lottery.

Granted, you win the $5 lottery

I wish for the mighty Shockwave to notice me.

Granted, but he notices you by repeatedly trying to analy penetrate you.

I wish I had a million wishes!

Granted, but Dr. Hax will be very upset and he'll eventually find you.

I wish for nothing!

GRANTED, BUT THEY'RE ALL CORRUPTED.
I WISH FOR BILLY MAYS.

Granted, but he will die within 72 hours if he doesn't sell a product.

I want the JoJ

Granted, but all of your hard-earned cash goes to people who live solely off of welfare.
Wish I may, wish I might, have this wish I wish tonight

Granted, but you confused Lemongrab and was sentenced a thousand years dungeon.

I wis for a device that uncorrupts wishes.

Infinite source of Pootis Granted but you get it like this:

Derpy McHerplyflerp Granted, but it runs on the blood of baby unicorns.

I wish for an Orange.

Granted, but the orange frames you for drug possession.

I wish for unicorn blood and pocket full of sunshine