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Granted, it`s bent in half.

I wish for a gun.

Granted. You get a gun… that has its barrel bent in half.

I wish I could form the head.

Granted, but you can't find anyone to form feet and legs, & arms and torso.

I wish for a 2×4.

You got it when an insane half-murderous hungry hobo cracked your head open with it, steal your wallet and phone as you are lying face down on a ground bleeding, toss it around there and get away with your stuffs.

I wish I have a strong heart. Both literally and figuratively . . .

Granted but now you have heart attacks every ten minutes, but you strong heart will save you.
I wish for Metal gear Rex, a box of cheerios and 4 CD ROM containing Mr Oizo's Analog Worm Attack.

Granted. Metal Gear Rex and the 4 CD ROM are prizes inside of the cereal box, which has infinite space inside. Good luck finding them.

I wish Captain Planet and the Planeteers would have more actual fight scenes.

Wish granted but you will never be able to see them, although people will still tell you how cool they are
I wish for world peace
PS I'll just turn the box upside down you bozo

World became peaceful, but you never find your own inner peace, and overdosed on meme out of despair; however overdosing meme does not lead one to death, but an excrutiating existence of a chronic meme addict who cannot stay still for one second without it while granting you eternal youth because the meme magick sustains and suspends your aging.

I wish for smoked salmon egg benedict for tomorrows breakfast.

You get the Benedict BUT it's rotten.
I wish for good memes to become more common and the ability to see only good memes

Granted, but your favorite meme flies into a shredder, and you follow it.

I wish Counting On would be part action show.

Granted but it gets cancelled in three episodes.
I wish mgs3 gets a remaster.

Granted, but it happens during the Hot War instead of the Cold War.

I wish no ants could enter my room.

Granted, but now ants swarm out side your room.
I wish konami sold all its assets to hideo kojima.

Granted, but then they buy Hideo Kojima.

I wish I could get a job for next year at the summer camp I went to.

Granted but it shuts down after you get the job.
I wish metroid could crawl

Granted. but metroid could already crawl. Her name's Samus.
I wish an actually good Berserk anime adapation was made, so I wouldn't have to read the manga.

Granted, it will happen, but manga will never ever finish.

I wish that in one day, there are 48 hours; 12 hours of daylight, and 36 hours of night.

Granted, but at night there are monsters that can kill anyone in one hit.
I wish i had more money.

Granted, but the price of everything goes up by the amount of money you gained.

I wish I could swim.

Granted; however, any are you go to will become flooded so you can put your swimming skills to good use. The flood will disappear once you leave an area, but who says it won't happen again if you return?

I wish I had a super robot (like Gurren Lagann, Gunbuster, or certain Gundams) mecha of my own without any need for maintenance.

Granted, but the robot has a will of it's own and would much rather go on adventures without you.
I wish I had the ability to prevent people from making themselves look bad.

Granted. However, you end up making yourself look bad constantly in the process.

I wish Sonichu was actually picked up by Sega and made into a video game franchise, even getting its own anime, Sonichu X; all this just to see how it would actually go (and how Chris-chan would fare).

Granted. However, the anime is only available through Comcast and the games are exclusive to the Nintendo Switch. Oh, and Chris-chan gets a 3% stake in the company and gets stonewalled anytime he tries to influence the development.

I wish I had a house in the Canadian Midwest with a big garage for fabrication and a Subaru WRX STI.

Granted, but your neighbour to your left hates you and keep yelling at you and calling you fag for some reason whenever you tune your car. Neighbour to your right runs a satanic cult and blatantly plans to sacrifice you to the devil by a complicated ritual which involves pain, a lot of pain, violently torn rectum, and a goat. Neighbour across the house seems like a nice canadian girl, but she has dicks, yes, plurals; and she seems to be into you for some reason and one day will eventually be 'in' you. Your car runs fine though. Lastly, one of the biggest bloodiest, but kept hidden from news murder-orgy in history happened at your house before you got it. You swear some nights you heard the cries of intense pleasure, pain, and exsanguination; your satanic neighbour had nothing to do with it though.

I wish for the world to end up in eternal winter so I do not have to chug 3 litres of water every hour during summer to not die.

With an eternal winter, most of humanity perishes, whatever is left of our kind lives underground on borrowed time.

I wish this reality became urban fantasy, such as gnomes making pharmaceutical drugs and redneck elves.

Granted. However, you'll be killed by redneck elves, cause they're a bunch of smug motherfuckers. Too bad you couldn't hook up with a dragon girl (thinking of the Fire Emblem type here) or something before you died. They're real popular in the new urban fantasy reality.

I wish Valve got off their asses and finally made a new game. I don't care for Half-Life 3; they could make Ricochet 2, and I'd still be happy.

Valve makes the game but due to focusing too much on selling games and feeding Gabe with the snackbar, the games tank badly, ensuring that Valve only sells games and does updates for TF2 and any other game that would require it.

I wish I could be part of Gachimuchi.

Granted, but Gachimuchi becomes illegal.

I wish my tongue was a lot less sensitive.

Granted. Now, you don't have to taste anything! In fact, you can't taste anything!

I wish I had a lawyer

Granted, but he sues you.

I wish it was easier to name Fakemon.

Granted, but Nintendo DMCAs all of them afterwards.

I wish YouTube had an actual competitor that robs most of their ad revenue

Granted. However, YT's competitor ultimately ends up becoming no better than YT itself, right up to the Adpocalypse.

I wish Sega would make another Adventure-style Sonic game that is essentially the Sonic Mania of Adventure-style Sonic games (somehow fixing the camera issues that everyone complains about in those types of games).

Granted. Unfortunately, the game come up with bugs and glitchs worst than Sonic 06.
Reducing your sight each time your save is corrupted, ultimately making you blind.

I wish to find more porn of Inque ='(

Granted, but it inks out your eyes.

I wish to be a better writer.

Granted, but your writing techniques are so edgy and dark that your audience gets apathetic from the depressing storyline. You didn't even become a bestseller.

I wish that normies didn't swarm 9gag.

Granted.
You are also banned from Know Your Meme.

I wish to learn how to use chopsticks.

Granted, but you have to go to China and never come back.

I wish everything I said would come out 100% clear.

Granted, every word you say will now come out as crystal clear bubbles.

I wish for some cheese-filled calzone.

Granted, but the calzone is also filled with toothpaste and broken glass.

I wish I wish with all my heart to fly with dragons in a land apart.

Granted; The dragons want to eat you.

I wish this wish was wasted with no consequences other than now not having no wishes.

Granted, However, Jotaro kills you.

I wish I had a Nintendo Switch.

Granted, but you switch to not having one.

I wish I could make anyone I wanted watch Teen Titans Go!

Granted, but Teen Titans Go is replaced with non-stop reruns of Cartoon Network Real shows, so your power is essentially useless.

I wish Nintendo would make a new Star Fox game without a stupid gimmick.

Granted, however the "no gimmick" gimmick seems rather gimmicky.

I wish for muffins.

Granted, but they're made out of tiny tasteless muffins.

I wish Tom & Jerry and Mickey Mouse had vastly exceeded Looney Tunes' popularity.

Granted but the shows end up having crappy successors that makes them feel like they should of died long ago.

I wish these outrages from the internet, be it on Trump, vidya, movies, whatever it is, would be vanished from the world.

Granted. An evil overlord rises and declared internet the source of all bad shit in the world with its instantaneous gratification. No more internet. Things slow down. People actually take it easy as they are not wont to call each other idiots, faggots, nazis, etc. in real life any more without the horde/mob mentality and media backing them up save for the few extremists who are quickly thrown into prison for their shit.

I wish for the world without internet, computer, and mobile phone so that people can actually focus on the outside world, the real world, more than the ephemeral digital world.

Granted. No more internet, in like 4000 years, seconds before the last human being dies.

I wish for the end of this thread

Granted. A new one starts up.

I wish for something productive to do with my time.