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Granted, the stylus is so fine, it pierces your screen, impales your SD Card, and causes a leak in the battery, causing a sizable explosion, costing you your precious hands.

. . .

I wish I could finish my Watch Dogs pre-order.

Granted, Watch Dogs booms in popularity, causing all current copies to be sold.

I wish Elsa would get off her ass and build a god damn snowman

Granted, it does this:

I wish for sp00ky skeletons to guard me

Granted, but they are 2sp00ky4u

I wish I had the power to defeat Gary Oakss

Granted, but you are then killed by Ghost.

I wish I'd stop being a downvote magnet and get more upvotes by not being a fuckup.

Granted, instead, you get super downvote

I wish i could catch up on Game of Thrones

Granted, every single episode after the one you last watched is instantly spoiled and the spoilers are everywhere.

I wish I could get more upvotes.

granted: but with every upvote a kitten dies.

i wish the demon lord of the round table while piloting the wing zero got into a fight with mobius one who is piloting the epyon

Granted, but humanity dies as a result.

I wish to obtain the stature of HolyCrapItsBob, to get numerous upvotes for everypost, and for all my fuck-ups and shitpostings to fade.

(Or at least to start over from the moment the cringeworthy general hit it's fiftieth thread.)

Granted. Everything that has happened in the world sense the 50th CG page has been deleted.

I wish i could hatch a shiny Buneary.

Granted, but it faints in every battle.

I wish I knew who was downvoting me/who downvotes me and why, I wish that I could iron out 90% of my flaws, and most importantly, become an upvote magnet.

Granted, you have full knowledge of the very concept of downvote and upvote. You know who did it, why, how, when..you are a beacon of votes, blazing across a black sea of karma…Eventually you become paranoid and obsessed with upvotes..you're gonna carry that weight

I wish I had the power to make dosh appear out of nowhere.

Granted. After you caught your shiny Buneary, your save becomes corrupted and the cartridge explodes.
I wish I would become friends with the Game Grumps.

Granted, they end up being cancelled, starting a new channel on praising bad pop songs (sorry)

I wish that cosbydaf could easily make progress on the Godzilla:Replay, and that I could experience a journey similar to that of the NES godzilla creepypasta on a doom 2 megawad that I had no Idea was on my flash drive.

Granted, The adventure that you wished for nowhere near as well crafted as the NES Godzilla Creepypasta, and is complete with hyper realistic blood, skeletons popping out, and dolls coming out of the screen.

I wish you would stop being an attention slave wannabe.

Granted, he begins writing poorly made articles instead
I wish I would witness the beauty that is the sun's life ending in 4 billion years

Granted but you thought it was "meh"
I wish for a portrait of Obama figthing hordes of werewolf zombies while riding a motorcycle also while high-fiving cthulu…….on fire

Granted. The entire painting comes to life in whatever room that you hung it up in. You know how well that is going to turn out.

I wish i could stop making an ass out of myself every 5 minutes.

Granted. You begin to make an ass out of yourself every 5 seconds.

I wish Jimi Hendrix was brought back to life.

Granted, he becomes 2spooky and dies from fire damage doing his guitar tricks.

I wish for a handful of cottonballs.

Granted. They're soaked in bleach.

I wish for a skeleton to pop out.

Granted- its Achmed the Dead Terrorist laden with explosives.

I wish for free Mexican labor

Granted, but he get's deported back to Mexico a day later and you have charges against you for slavery.

PSST! you'resupposedtomakeawish.

. . .

I wish I had a Manic Pixie Magical Girlfriend. That would be totally babies.

Granted, she goes crazy and tries to murder you
I wish i could walk upon the surface of Venus

Granted. You still die horribly, though.

I wish that everyone's wishes would be impossible to corrupt.

Granted. That means this thread is no longer fun.

I wish for a Bomb Pop.

Granted, it blows up in your face.

I wish that the new pokemon games were more dramatic.

Granted. One of your pokemon will die, the villain can succeed, and your rival gets ripped apart by a dragonair.

I wish i had infinite cream sodas.

Granted, but you don't get infinite carbonation.

Show me a sexy redhead.

Granted. However, all of the cream sodas are all warm and can never be refrigerated.
I wish Megas XLR would get another season.

Granted. But it will not come out in the country you live in

I wish to travel the multiverse.

Granted, but you die.
I wish for MIGHTY PUTTY; THE FAST AND EASY WAY TO FIX ANY PROBLEM!

Granted but you're dead so you don't get to use it
I wish I had all the internets

Granted, they all crash.

I wish I have proof of the existence of every paranormal beings and phenomenon known to man.

Granted, you're soon 'silenced' by the powers that be for knowing too much.

. . .

I wish my 64-bit OS would work.

Granted. Every other other electronic in your house breaks.

I wish i could think of more creative corruptions.

Granted, but someone else will always corrupt the wish before you can.

I wish that it would rain more often.

Granted. but your house is flooded
I wish that Silent Hill would be more scarier

Granted, it's too scary and you can't make yourself play longer than 20 minutes every two weeks.

I wish for butterscotch candies.

Granted but you eat too much and get diabetus
I wish for the extinction of mankind I wish for 20 pounds of bacon

@the_void Granted, now you're 40 years older, reek of mothballs, with horribly deteriorated motor skills.

@Mr. Ocelot Granted, It's all been burned to a crunchy, charred crisp. Enjoy.

. . .

I wish for a Battlefield 3 noobfe--Wait, that's actually happening, umm, I wish for a New Tokyo Xtreme Racer game. . .

granted: but all cars have malfunctioning brakes.
I wish to me a mangaka!

Granted – you only draw hentai novels.

I wish for CAKE

Granted.

I wish i wrote Dōjinshis for a living.

Granted, but they can only be sequels to Boku no Pico

I wish the pizza wasn't aggressive

Granted: Your day becomes abnormal and dad is still decapitated anyways.

I wish for a free Shaq autograph

Granted. You get an autograph From Shaqisha herself!

I wish for a turtle…..

Granted, but it evolves into a T-rex and murders everyone you love

I wish everyone would realize that Naoto is best girl

Granted, but you ruin anime as a result.

I wish I could watch an episode of Kill la Kill without going WHAT THE FUCK?