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Granted it kills both of them.

I wish for a pet eagle.

Wish granted.

Your eagle is a cardboard replica of a real one.

I wish that we have hit the apex of technology, anti-vaccination "truthers" and other such "truthers" have been abducted by the alien life forms we just discovered, and that true virtual reality in videogames and world peace has been achieved.

Granted: A power outage happens and your mind is deleted.

I wish for OPs everywhere to stop being such faggots.

Granted, but the BNMs are unaffected.
I wish I can Blaze it while I Praise it.

Granted, but Snoop Dog doesn't approve of you "blazing it" and sends out a professional hitman to kill you.

I wish for luv.

Granted:

I wish for a box of Toaster Strudel.

Granted, but it's all burnt.
I wish for this thread to go trending.

Granted, but 9fags spam it

I wish for Doge to get good again

Granted, but it fades away into obscurity

I wish I had some KFC wings

Granted, 2204355 I'm Feeling Lucky!

I wish for raining men waifus pizza.

Granted, the cheese is too hot and it burns your face.

I wish to visit the Wisconsin Dells.

Granted. you catch the flu there, and end up in the hospital for several days.

I wish to be a great artist

Granted. You become a very talented artist and famous. But you start getting cocky. More and more people hate you. You eventually fall back on drugs and OD.
I wish for a star.

Granted

I wish to taste the waste

You Taste the Waste, but you become Chaste.

I wish I had a dig bick.

Granted, it brings shame to your family and your waifu yells at you for not wishing for the other thing.

I wish for real maple syrup.

Granted, but it is raw from a maple tree.
I wish I could be a better guitarist.

Granted, you learn one note.

I wish I had a sacrifice for Dark Lord Chin Chin

Granted, the sacrifice is un-pure and displeases Dark Lord Chin Chin.

I wish for duct tape.

Granted. Someone has touched all the sticky parts, so it is no longer useful.

I wish for an alienware laptop.

Granted. but that one specific alienware laptop was a mac

I wish for a box

Granted. You no fits; you no sits.

I wish for beef jerky.

Granted. Some dogs got into it and ate most of it, whatever's left is half eaten and covered it there spit.

I wish that ring tailed lemurs were relatively common domestic animals, and i had one

Granted, but ye buy a cat and it kills yer pet lemur.

I wish I wasn't so scared right now.

Granted. You are no longer scared, and can go to bed, but when you get in bed, you realize that you really half to pee, but are to comfortable to get up and do it

I wish i was't so scared of shipping

Granted, you became so careless about your shipping that you make a Cracked Pairing worse than the iconic Shrek x Shadow ship.

Wish that I that I can finally finish reading some novels.

granted.

I wish i had a PS3

Granted. But it's broken.

I wish GBA games where on the 3DS virtual console.

Granted, it's only the horrible ones that get added to the 3DS virtual console
I wish many BNM's would stop making short and poorly written articles

Granted but they make long complex articles that are not relevant to memes
I wish for a microwavable pizza

Granted. It tastes horrible, almost like cardboard.

I wish i had a caramel apple.

Granted, but the caramel is actually unicorn's semen.
I wish for a mascot to replace Ronald McDonald.

Granted, it's happy.

I wish you would carry on, my wayward son.

Granted there'll be peace when you are done; you're never done.

I wish for a phaser.

Wish granted. You get a toy phaser.

I wish for a cake with a lot of frosting.

Granted but the frosting tastes like vinegar
I wish for a mug of my enemy's tears

Granted. It tasted horrible.
I wish for nothing.

Granted, but you lose your house, wife, kids, husband, car, and all.
I wish for something.

Granted, it's a pile of sick cats

I wish fangirls would stop making yaoi of my favorite shows

Granted. Fanboys make yaoi instead.

I wish for a toy figure of my pony avatar, which is robotic Featherweight.

Granted. someone/thing has chewed the legs off.

I wish i was 23.

Granted, you get made fun of about how old you are

I wish Adachi was in Persona 4 Arena 2

Granted, but he dies. HUE HUE HUE.

I wish for a water bottle right now.
(Empty or full)

Your wish is my command.

I wish I could lose my procrastination.

Granted…
I'll corrupt your wish later…

I wish for…
…
I don't know. Cupcakes?

Granted, you're made out of it.

I wish to be a king.

Granted, but you piss off the peasants and they kill you.

Granted, you turn into nothing.

I wish for a new car.

Granted its a normal car nothing special about it…….EXCEPT THE GAS PRICES ARE TOO HIGH!
I wish I won the game

Granted. The universe implodes.

I wish i had a fine point stylus for my tablet.