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A kimono wearing otaku social studies professor and hikikomori was teaching a class on Asian History 'Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Emperor Akihito and accept that that the Japanese are the most highly-evolved human beings that the world has ever known." At this moment, a sagacious, filial, scholar-gentleman who had scored ahead of 150,000 students in the Civil Service Exams and understood the full extent of the barbarity of those living outside the Middle Kingdom held up a copy of the Nihon Shoki. "What are the characters written upon the pages of the Nihon Shoki?" The arrogant professor smirked, tightened his hachimaki, and smugly replied "Kanji, you baka." "True, Kanji, which loosely translates into "Han characters." To be precise the Nihon Shoki is written in Guwen, which is Classical Chinese script. If the Japanese are indeed perfect human beings then they would have come up with their own culture & civilization as opposed to just borrowing from the Chinese or from anyone else." The Professor was visibly shaken and dropped his calligraphy brush and copy of CLAMP's Cardcaptor Sakura. He stormed out of the room and tried to commit seppuku like in his animes. The students applauded with a big "wansui!" and all signed up with a peasant rebellion that day and declared that the scholar-gentleman has the Mandate of Heaven. A dragon named "All Under Heaven" flew into the room and coiled around the Chinese flag and magically turned it yellow. The Analects was read several times, and the Jade Emperor himself showed up and enacted territorial seizures of disputed territories around the country. The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of complications caused by an erroneous performance of the seppuku ritual and went to Diyu, where he is tried, found guilty, and punished by the Ten Yama Kings of Diyu.

Report Anonymous Mon 07 Oct 2019 19:10:31 No.7359058 Quoted By: >>7359264 >>7367958 A Persian Zoroastrian homosexual cataphract horseman and fire worshipper was teaching a class on Zoroaster, a known heathen. "Before class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Zarathustra and accept he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!" At this moment a brave, patriotic, pro-Nicaean Roman Magister Militum Per Orientem who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decisions made by the Augustus in Constantinople stood up and held a sealed envelope. "What are the contents of this letter, pinhead?" The arrogant professor smirked quite despotically and smugly replied "the letter from Khosrau to Kardarigan, ordering Shahrbaraz's death, which you intercepted and used to win the last war." "Wrong. It's a letter from Muhammad, and I haven't actually read it yet." At that moment, 20,000 Muslims burst into the room and beheaded them both. All the nations from Spain to India were conquered, and all of their subjects converted to Islam. Mankind entered Islamic golden age, and Orthodoxy and Zoroastrianism were removed to the far corners of the Earth, where they languish in obscurity.

[42 /5/ ?] View Reply Original Report Anonymous Mon 07 Oct 2019 19:01:02 No.7359024 Quoted By: >>7359063 >>7364301 >>7367930 A curl-bearded Semitic native professor and imperial apologist was teaching a class on Sargon, known enemy of the lugal "Before the class begins, you must fold your hands and worship Sargon of Akkad and accept that he was the most successful and eminent ruler the Four Corners of the Universe has ever known, even greater than Eannatum of Lagash!" At this moment, a brave, black-headed, pro-city state scribe of Inanna who had sung 1500 lamentations to Ur and understood the necessity of cyclical rule and fully supported all instances of divine kingship for each city of Sumer stood up and held up the Sumerian King List DID SOMEBODY SAID "For what purpose was this inscribed?" ELAM The militaristic professor smirked quite unstably and smugly replied "To claim the righteous rule of the Akkadians for all time, you stupid ensi" 41KIB, 491x670, barbarian.jpg View Same Google ImgOps iqdb SauceNAO "Wrong. If the Akkadian Empire was to rule forever all along, as you say... then why was kingship first granted to the city of Eridu?" The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his miniature lamassu and copy of Enuma Elish. He stormed out of the room crying those Akkadian crocodile tears. The students applauded and all moved from the farmlands that day and accepted Enlil as the head of the pantheon. A bird of lapis lazuli named Anzù flew into the room gave the Tablet of Destiny back to the gods. The Bilgames fragments were read several times, and Gala priests of the temple at Uruk showed up to sing hymns in eme-sal. The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. His house was conquered by Gutians and he himself was killed. DINGIRENER AR IBEN

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About

Albert Einstein Copypasta, also known as “Malice of Absence,” is a fictional account of a philosophical debate on the benevolence of God between a religious-skeptic professor and a student of faith, the latter of whom is revealed to be the world-renowned scientist Albert Einstein. Online, the last line in the story is often referenced in discussion threads and comments to mock hyperbolic statements or tall tales.

Origin

According to Snopes,^[1] an early version of the copypasta began circulating via e-mail as early as 1999. In the story, a college professor asserts that God must be evil if evil exists in the world, to which a student responds that “evil is simply the absence of God.” The final line reveals the student’s identity as Albert Einstein.

Does evil exist?

The university professor challenged his students with this question. Did God create everything that exists? A student bravely replied, "Yes, he did!"

"God created everything? The professor asked.

"Yes sir", the student replied.

The professor answered, "If God created everything, then God created evil since evil exists, and according to the principal that our works define who we are then God is evil". The student became quiet before such an answer. The professor was quite pleased with himself and boasted to the students that he had proven once more that the Christian faith was a myth.

Another student raised his hand and said, "Can I ask you a question professor?"

"Of course", replied the professor.

The student stood up and asked, "Professor, does cold exist?"

"What kind of question is this? Of course it exists. Have you never been cold?" The students snickered at the young man's question.

The young man replied, "In fact sir, cold does not exist. According to the laws of physics, what we consider cold is in reality the absence of heat. Every body or object is susceptible to study when it has or transmits energy, and heat is what makes a body or matter have or transmit energy. Absolute zero (-460 degrees F) is the total absence of heat; all matter becomes inert and incapable of reaction at that temperature. Cold does not exist. We have created this word to describe how we feel if we have no heat."

The student continued, "Professor, does darkness exist?"

The professor responded, "Of course it does."

The student replied, "Once again you are wrong sir, darkness does not exist either. Darkness is in reality the absence of light. Light we can study, but not darkness. In fact we can use Newton's prism to break white light into many colors and study the various wavelengths of each color. You cannot measure darkness. A simple ray of light can break into a world of darkness and illuminate it. How can you know how dark a certain space is? You measure the amount of light present. Isn't this correct? Darkness is a term used by man to describe what happens when there is no light present."

Finally the young man asked the professor, "Sir, does evil exist?"

Now uncertain, the professor responded, "Of course as I have already said. We see it every day. It is in the daily example of man's inhumanity to man. It is in the multitude of crime and violence everywhere in the world. These manifestations are nothing else but evil."

To this the student replied, "Evil does not exist sir, or at least it does not exist unto itself. Evil is simply the absence of God. It is just like darkness and cold, a word that man has created to describe the absence of God. God did not create evil. Evil is not like faith, or love that exist just as does light and heat. Evil is the result of what happens when man does not have God's love present in his heart. It's like the cold that comes when there is no heat or the darkness that comes when there is no light."

The professor sat down.

The young man's name -- Albert Einstein.

Snopes determined that the copypasta was fictitious based on biographical information about Einstein and his expressed views on the subject of religion which have been described as "agnostic."

Spread

According to About.com,^[2] a similar version of the story began spreading via email in 2004. On April 14th, 2008, the story was posted on the yoga blog Sahaja Power.^[7] On November 10th, 2009, Hyperacusis Network Forums^[8] member DanMalcore submitted the copypasta in a thread titled "Misphonia, 4S and Albert Einstein." On April 14th, 2012, Facebook user Cory Jones posted a variation of the story, which gained over 402,600 shares in the next three years.

Post by Cory Jones.

On October 21st, 2013, Redditor i_forget_my_userids submitted a joke in which science professor Carl Sagan is revealed to be Albert Einstein to the /r/circlejerk^[6] subreddit, where it accumulated more than 1,400 upvotes and 75 comments prior to being archived.

"'Neil Degrasse Tyson and Richard Dawkins agonized for years over how to wear a fedora. it was Carl Sagan who came up with the answer: God isn't real. That Sagan's name? Albert Einstein.' --Michael Scott"

Notable Examples

Liberal Muslim Homosexual ACLU Professor

According to Rational Wiki,^[3] a parody of the Einstein copypasta about a “liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU” professor who asks his class to pray to Karl Marx originated on 4chan sometime in 2011. On November 15th, 2011, the story was posted by Tumblr user Tossiblog,^[5] gathering more than 3,600 notes in the next three years.

A liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx, known atheist
"Before the class begins, you must get on your knees and worship Marx and accept that he was the most highly-evolved being the world has ever known, even greater than Jesus Christ!"

At this moment, a brave, patriotic, pro-life Navy SEAL champion who had served 1500 tours of duty and understood the necessity of war and fully supported all military decision made by the United States stood up and held up a rock.

"How old is this rock?"

The arrogant professor smirked quite Jewishly and smugly replied "4.6 billion years, you stupid Christian"

"Wrong. It’s been 5,000 years since God created it. If it was 4.6 billion years old and evolution, as you say, is real… then it should be an animal now"

The professor was visibly shaken, and dropped his chalk and copy of Origin of the Species. He stormed out of the room crying those liberal crocodile tears.

The students applauded and all registered Republican that day and accepted Jesus as their lord and savior. An eagle named "Small Government" flew into the room and perched atop the American Flag and shed a tear on the chalk. The pledge of allegiance was read several times, and God himself showed up and enacted a flat tax rate across the country.

The professor lost his tenure and was fired the next day. He died of the gay plague AIDS and was tossed into the lake of fire for all eternity.

Semper Fi

On April 16th, 2012, Redditor Waja_Wabit submitted a screenshot of the copypasta to the /r/atheism^[4] subreddit, where it received upwards of 6,000 upvotes and 690 comments prior to being archived. In the comments section, Redditor wolfchimneyrock referenced the original Albert Einstein story.

Elon Musk Tweet

On February 25th, 2019, Redditor rabidspleen uploaded a picture to r/dankmemes^[10] of Billie Eilish, young Elon Musk and an air conditioning pair coil featuring a version of Albers Einstein copypasta reading, "One day, Billie Eilish was walking outside and she saw a boy crying. She said to him 'Here kid, have a roll of Air Conditioning Pair Coil 1/4' x 3/8' 410A 20m Polyethylene UV protected insulated Copper heat resistant to 120C. You're destined to do great things That boy was Elon Musk" (shown below, left). The post gained over 73,400 points (84% upvoted) in three months. On May 16th, Elon Musk^[9] tweeted the image saying "And I am forever grateful" (shown below, right). His tweet accumulated over 504,000 likes and 92,200 retweets in a day.

One day, Billie Eilish was walking outside and she saw a boy crying. She said to him 'Here kid, have a roll of Air Conditioning Pair Coil 1/4' x 3/8' 410A 20m Polyethylene UV protected insulated Copper heat resistant to 120C. You're destined to do great things That boy was Elon Musk

Elon Musk Gelonmusk And I am forever grateful One day, Billie Eilish was walking outside and she saw a boy crying. She said to him 'Here kid, have a roll of Air Conditioning Pair Coil 1/4'x 3/B' 410A 20m Polyethylene UV protected insulated Copper heat resistant to 120C. You're destined to do great things That boy was Elon Musk 11:37 PM - 16 May 2019

Marine Todd

Marine Todd is a similar copypasta story about a United States marine who violently assaults a college professor for challenging the existence of God. While numerous variations of this story have been circulating for over a decade, the meme resurged in April 2014 after Twitter users began parodying the original story in satire of various American conservative and right-wing ideologies.

Search Interest

External References

^[1] Snopes – Malice of Absence

^[2] About – Did Einstein Prove that God Exists?

^[3] Rational Wiki – Atheist Professor Myth

^[4] Reddit – A liberal Muslim homosexual ACLU lawyer professor and abortion doctor was teaching a class on Karl Marx

^[5] Tumblr – Liberla muslim homosexual aclu lawyer professor

^[6] Reddit – Neil Degrass Tyson and Richard Dawkins

^[7] Sahaja Power – Evil Does Not Exist

^[8] Chat-Hyperacusis – Misophonia 4S and Albert Einstein

^[9] Twitter – Elon Musk

^[10] Reddit- Who Else Cried?

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